Talking too much or too little/

[marolua]

I am not sure what my problem is. But it seems to be an uneasiness I fell after being together with people. I sometimes think afterwards that I talked too much, said a stupid thing, what have they thought about me? And then I decide to talk less the other day when I am together with people, that means at school. So a few days passes by, and I begin to think that I am stupid to have anything more than conversations. I begin to think why I take on a snobbish face, and act like I just want to go away when I am around with people.

 

This is not a problem I face when I am together with my usual friends, I usually don't have to think about what to say and what not to say when I am together with them. But when I am together with people whom I do not feel very close, I may say something private about myself, something about my ex-boyfriends or something about my family. It has been a long time since I have noticed that people usually do not say such things publicly. There are people who do not even say that they have or have not have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

It seems that my question is how do we know that we are neither talking too much nor too little? what is the edge?

 

This is not only a question about friends, it is also a problem for me when I get to know a new guy. I always-always- tell him about my ex boyfriends. And with my surprise my past always turns back onto me later in these relationships. Men do not like girls talking about their past I guess, but how are they gonna know who I am without knowing what events I have passed through?

[annie24]

Well... I don't know if I can respond to all aspects of your posts, but in the begininng, I definitely wouldn't tell your bfs about your exes. As you said, they don't really like it. You have to remember - you are more than the bad stuff you went through with your exes. Talk about other things that will help people to get to know who you are. Your hobbies, likes, dislikes, current events, whatever. When you talk about exes early on in a relationship, it makes it seem like you aren't over them yet and are still bitter. And no one wants to pay for another person's mistakes. Later, if you have been with a guy for a while, you can tell him about your past, but until then, keep it light.

 

good luck!

[evolution]

I'll answer your second question.

 

No, boys dont really like their girl friends talking about their ex-boyfriends, especially if they know them. You can talk about it, but dont go into much detail with it. Just for example say: I had a boyfriend but i didnt really like him. Something like that will make the person you are with feel special more than making them dislike you....

 

gl