Codi88 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 It's surreal that half a year has gone by since my breakup. It's like I've had this awful realisation that I've been in a nightmare for 6 months. I miss my ex terribly despite remaining in successful NC for 16 days (that's ages, for us). I'm kinda just having a particularly bad day so my feelings are heightened but I really want to be free of this pain now. At what point does it end? Why do relationships come to all of this? If I saw this coming I would never have gotten into the relationship as this pain isn't worth the good times. I'm completely stuck. I've been with one person in 6 months and even that was disastrous as I freaked out as soon as he got intense and distanced myself after 3 meets. I physically can't get close to anyone else as it seems terrifying, but at the same time, I'm desperately lonely. I'm focusing on myself but I am not enjoying being alone. Surrounding myself with friends and family is cool for a bit but doesn't stop the pain. I really don't know what to do, becoming frustrated of the same advice of 'work on yourself' or 'get therapy' or 'time heals' although I know all of this advice is absolutely right. Like I said I'm in my feelings today so I'm rambling a bit, I realise this. Link to comment
hopeparis Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do you still love your ex? Link to comment
Miastar Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I'm so sorry you feel this way. I feel pretty much exactly the same and it's so painful. I'm trying to have hope that time will heal and things will be as they are meant to be. I know it's crappy trying to do all these things that are meant to help, and finding it borderline pointless. I feel desperately lonely too. But I believe these feelings and thoughts will fade. They won't last forever. Sometimes I think the only thing to do is simply feel these feelings and ride through them as painful as it is. And have hope that it'll make us stronger people! Link to comment
Codi88 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 @HopeParis Yes, and he feels the same. Link to comment
Dominique Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Some days are just awful. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Sending you love and light. Link to comment
BoxerShorts Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Hello sweetheart. I'm BoxerShorts, female, I have posted here extensively in 2012-2013. And believe me when I say, it gets better. I promise you it does. And the best part is, as I read my former posts. I remember the story, but I don't remember the "feelings" anymore. My advise, LIVE, baby. LIVE. I dated after him. Didn't work. I still am very fond him. We still talk, imagine that! I don't even hate him at this point. I don't even want a relationship with him (What after all that? It's like taking a brick and hitting yourself on the head over and over! Why?) ACCEPTANCE is THE key. I wish you that epiphany. As cliché as it may seem, you only have one life. LIVE! And like me, you'll soon realize it's not the end of everything! Much love ~ BoxerShorts Link to comment
BoxerShorts Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I had 1-2 friends who'd ask me if I still love him every now and then and you know what, I still say "yes." Only difference now is it's alright. It's absolutely ok. If we're not in a relationship anymore. It's because it was out of my hands. HE broke up with me. Regardless of all the trimmings, HE doesn't want me to be his girlfriend. So I felt every kind of horrible there is. After a while, it's done. You're o.k. I promise you, one day "you'll remember the boy/girl, but you won't remember the feeling anymore." Love lots, BoxerShorts. Link to comment
Anna Bell Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 It's surreal that half a year has gone by since my breakup. It's like I've had this awful realisation that I've been in a nightmare for 6 months. I miss my ex terribly despite remaining in successful NC for 16 days (that's ages, for us). I'm kinda just having a particularly bad day so my feelings are heightened but I really want to be free of this pain now. At what point does it end? Why do relationships come to all of this? If I saw this coming I would never have gotten into the relationship as this pain isn't worth the good times. I'm completely stuck. I've been with one person in 6 months and even that was disastrous as I freaked out as soon as he got intense and distanced myself after 3 meets. I physically can't get close to anyone else as it seems terrifying, but at the same time, I'm desperately lonely. I'm focusing on myself but I am not enjoying being alone. Surrounding myself with friends and family is cool for a bit but doesn't stop the pain. I really don't know what to do, becoming frustrated of the same advice of 'work on yourself' or 'get therapy' or 'time heals' although I know all of this advice is absolutely right. Like I said I'm in my feelings today so I'm rambling a bit, I realise this. I love how you described your feeling so clearly. I'm sorry you're going through the pain like this. Reading your words is like reading my own feeling. We are stuck, but I'm sure one day, just like a miracle, that day all the pain will stop, completely. Link to comment
Anna Bell Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Hello sweetheart. I'm BoxerShorts, female, I have posted here extensively in 2012-2013. And believe me when I say, it gets better. I promise you it does. And the best part is, as I read my former posts. I remember the story, but I don't remember the "feelings" anymore. My advise, LIVE, baby. LIVE. I dated after him. Didn't work. I still am very fond him. We still talk, imagine that! I don't even hate him at this point. I don't even want a relationship with him (What after all that? It's like taking a brick and hitting yourself on the head over and over! Why?) ACCEPTANCE is THE key. I wish you that epiphany. As cliché as it may seem, you only have one life. LIVE! And like me, you'll soon realize it's not the end of everything! Much love ~ BoxerShorts Knowing your experience, give me the strength! Thanks for sharing! Link to comment
ColorMeBlue Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 I'm in the same boat as you are - we both love each other but...we're not together. So like BoxerShorts said, ACCEPTANCE is the key here. You know what helped me a lot? Listening to Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now' on Audible in my car, driving to work. It's all about how we MUST accept what is the here and now (it's all we have, literally) and we must trust in life to bring us what we need, when we need it. I'm not there yet (and my ex has poked his head in and out, which is SO much more confusing) - but accepting things as they are and putting complete and total faith in the universe to a.) bring him back to you if/when the time is ever right, or b.) help you to move on in time - that's the way to go. But I'm with you on the pain. It was so unbearable last week that I put a long, rambling post in here, lol. Then, I got angry - angry at him for poking his head in when I had been NC, angry at the situation, angry that he's not with me - and it turned my pain into some pride and strength for myself. If he's not coming for me and breaking walls down to get to me, then something is going on with him - I refuse to turn this into me not being loveable or worthy enough! - that prevents him from being a good partner to me right now, and I can't help that. Whether he's back with his ex (my strong suspicion), or whether he's moved on, or is just working on himself - either way, he's not trying hard to be with me and, well, why do I want to run after someone who isn't running after me? Good luck, keep us posted. You're not the only one going through this. Hugs! Link to comment
BoxerShorts Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Thanks Loves. It's o.k. to feel how you feel right now. Like I said, I had this site and 1-2 friends to share & pine and not be judged. I went on living. You have NO choice but to. Then after a while.... a long while... it didn't matter if he didn't answer my silly texts, my calls. It didn't matter that he wasn't with me. It didn't matter if he wasn't my boyfriend. Heck I don't even care if he was with someone. I wish him well. I AM IN CONTROL NOW. And I love it! It will come. Grieve, you have to. Give yourselves a timeline, then just drop everything (baby steps are o.k., too) and LIVE! Even if you don't have a new relationship, I didn't when I got over "it." It took me baby steps to realize what I letting happen. I wish I could take you guys out, all of you and just have a great time! I truly wish I could buy you guys a drink! Cheers, please. BoxerShorts Link to comment
BoxerShorts Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Honeys, remember that time when NOTHING, nothing your friends, say (nor lay on thick,) would take you out of that rut? Well, we all go through that. I, most specially, I keep defending my feelings. and what I wanted to happen. Sweethearts, accept that they may not happen. So in the meantime, what do you do......... Love lots. Link to comment
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