BoxerShorts

If I was to be bluntly honest... I don't think monogamy is in your vocabulary... I think you'll stay with anyone who'd stay with you regardless of what you do... Exhibit A: Your girlfriend. Evident when you expressed bewilderment when an ex left you because you had girlfriends on the side. I think you take great pride when an ex is devastated after a break-up from you. I felt it, when you talked about Tina. And even if you are the kindest person on Earth, I think you are the MOST-SELFISH-PERSON-I-KNOW...

Wow just wow... You have ignored me this long. You threw me like garbage. Disposable. Whilst smelling good for everyone except me. Garbage.

Wow! Just wow! You have ignored and/or have forgotten about me...

I miss you...

Now I wait.... although I'm afraid you've been with her. Most likely. & reconnected... You said it yourself, I'm not dumb. You know it will happen, regardless. I just know am going to have my heart broken tonight.

You have forgotten about me... or deliberately ignoring me... You had a chance to see me last Friday, yesterday... but you didn't. Are you respecting my wishes of No Contact? Or just relieved to be scott free? Not a sight or hint of you in F.B. nor in Y.M. Acomplete contrast during our earlier B.U.s... I do not know what's going on in your head. There were signs, a lot of signes you were different... I wish you could just tell me that you've changed your mind and have come back to her completely... So I can move on... and not wait... When we broke up , albeit still confused, I hoped you'd accelarate everything and come back to me... Come back to me... please...

I wish I can go to your gig later. Or at least listen on the mobile as always. But tonight I'll sleep. Be happy. Don't ever forget me. Sleep is my only refuge, yet you invade me in my dreams.

Your friendship was true. Your concern was genuine. You wanted to go through my trials together. You wanted to be there and hold my hand for baby and her therapy. You wanted me to excel in work. You wanted me to be a better mom to eldest as you say she may be taller than you but she's still a kid. You wanted to improve your finances. Even if it meant getting up not even early but getting out of bed But I rebelled. You know why... I couldn't connect because you had her. Although you said you didn't love her anymore, you are still there. Now I am faced to go through all these alone. Sometimes I could settle with just your friendship and support because I need you... so much... But then I'd be consumed again... by you... It was take it and wait... Leave it and still wait... Sometimes I wish I could have taken the latter. Then I'd had your friendship... then I'd have your support... Then I'll have a hand to hold...

Enjoy your gig tomorrow. Saw it on your band's FB. At least I know you're still alive. Are you bringing her. You've reconnected. You forgotten...

We are friends. We are not emenies. Why should we be talking to each other? I admit it... I broke off with you in the hopes that it would speed things with you & her. Leave should you decide to leave... stay should you decide to stay... The weekend. You must be together this weekend... Not having me anymore. Will you look at her for consolement. Or would you ask her for forgiveness... I hate it that I may never know the answer.... You asked me to write, to take time even for an hour to write the good things about you. I don't have to. You are perfect. Everything you did to, for and with me are perfect. Except for one thing... and I only need a second to write it down... You have a girfriend.

Scared of the weekend. You'll be together on the weekends. I won't be there to stop you anymore. Afraid of the weekends. But you were texting all the time. I'm sure you talk. Dreading the weekends. Afraid of Reality. You don't have to ignore her anymore. How many more weekends until I woudln't even notice it's the weekend anymore...

It's going to be a whole full week of NC tomorrow... Same time lasy week we we're making love. The term goodbye sex didn't even come to mind. Just that it was the last. You even texted so. I remember so well. But still half feeling you as, like I always say viewed from the outside you were not mine. Although it felt like you were. You are holding up so well. You never ever agreed before and would do anything for even a little bit of attention, of window so we can get back together. You are stronger that you say you are. I saw, felt it when you dropped me off. You are so willing now. Even distracted and a bit eager to go. Are you relieved from all the hurt I threw you. You always said,"You really know how, when and where to strike to hurt me." You finally agreed and boy, when you did, you really held up to your bargain of not being friends, of no contact, of not even a bit of news... no feelers on how you are... no feelers whatsoever.

NC Night 6: Nothing from you. You held up your end of the bargain. Time for me to stop seeking attention from FB. None whatsoever from you... You don't like nor find it cute anymore.

You said you're doing everything to avoid her. If you can run away with me you would. Now that I'm not with you anymore, would you avoid her now. You said you're doing all you can. I can believe what you said. Lets put it at that. The issue is you're taking that long. I cannot take it. You cannot give me a timeline. Although you said it won't take 9 years. I just can't wait. You couldn't say goodbye to her. Your friends said it must come from her. When I wanted to break up from you and broke you, it came from you. You can break up with me. You couldn't break up with her... You broke it off from me. When you couldn't break it off with her.

posting for attention. you probably restricted and is happily posting activities uv done with her. ay.

You don't miss me at all... You have moved on... with her... or is still not doing anything to be with me... You're content? You don't miss me at all...

I also remember the last time I was sure you loved me, that night I was upset, I saw your reaction, you pulled me and kissed me. I knew it in your eyes. And when I went down the car still mad, I saw your sad, concerned eyes... saying "uhm...uhm..." trying to prolong the conversion. Wanting me to stay. But then I threw the money I borrowed at you and called you a f*cking idiot. Then I texted you and said I f*cking hated you. You we're so upset, so equally mad. I was so sorry. You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve that... You we're concerned about my kids, my welfare. I never saw that intensity in your eyes anymore... Glimpses yes. Half not whole... Story of our lives...

I didn't appreciate the loving words you say when we we're together. It was all bittersweet. I should have enjoyed you. I should have just loved you. And waited. You said it would not take that long and you needed me by your side. But I couldn't, I let it eat me up and burst. We needed the mutual support. I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry. I just couldn't. I miss you. Be well.

Now that we've broken up you don't have to answer to me. You can stop ignoring her... make excuses not to see her. You have probably already re-connected. You won't have the urge to break it off with her. No sense of urgency now... You can go back to your usual routine. Of weekends out and concerts. You can justify everything by what I said... from what I done. You can take my taking to **drin against me. Turned off at my pathetic gestures. He may say the same things and not take me seriously. I was laughed at. Told you will can never let her go unless she does. Told that my 4 months have nothing against your 4 years. I dread the day but won't be surprised if you end up engaged from your earnings that as u said was supposedly mine. Married, making your family happy. Have kids and learning to love whole again bec of them... Why don't you have the balls to fight for me. To let go of your comfort zone and fight for me?

I have a barrage of support. I am talkative. I have ENA. You don't talk to people about your problems, keeping things to yourself... I wonder... with all the hurt... Will you now emotionally reconnect with your girlfriend. Just to ease the pain away?

I looked at your FB. And all I can remember from your pics are the many times I broke up with you. Amazing. I broke up with that many times and you managed to come back into my life as much.

I miss the intimacy. I miss looking into your big round eyes. I miss being close to you. I miss being held by you.

Such rollercoaster of emotions. You'd be happy with the progress am having with baby's therapy. I know you wanted to be here and beside and help me when this is happening. To hold my hand like you used to, hug me when I start crying... I wish you could see... Help me fill in the questionaire, give me a nudge if I procrastinate. Help me fill it out as honest as I can. I know you'd want to be a part of this. As you fell in love with our baby the 1st time she held your hand and then she became your baby. I wish you were here.

What would you do with them? Would you view them to reminisce? To remember the good times. On how much we loved each other? Hoping you'd remember. Hoping you'd miss me. Hoping you'd hurry to come back to me... You said I, it was the only time you ask for them. Or would you use them to jack off?!? Or to turn yourself on just to make HER happy?!? I don't think you're capable of that. You were so innocent. Seemingly as you are impish at times. Please don't.

3rd night of NC... Goodnight.