HELP..

[w00kie]

I hope you can help me here, as i need some female input regarding a

girl.. And be as brutally honest and truthful with me as you can..

 

I used to work with a girl and we've become pretty close, during lunch

breaks, during our morning and afternoon breaks we were always together going for walks, having lunch etc.. Basically from the first moment she laid eyes on me, she came up to me and asked me straight out how old i am and am i single, and me being honest i told her my age and that i am single, and ever since then we have become pretty much inseparable.. We had a drinks night about 2 months ago to farewell a work colleague, that night basically every signal and every body language that a girl would use to tell the guy that she is interested, she was doing.. She was basically all over me the whole night.. This happened on a few occasions in work functions.. So i asked her out, she said yes, and the next day she changed her mind and said no.. Her reason was that she doesn't date anyone from work.. Yet till this day whenever we are together she is all over me, holding my arms, resting her head on my shoulder etc, she calls me up every single day at least 4 times a day in most cases.. She broke up with her boyfriend just over a month ago, as she gave it another chance but to no avail.. She called me up that night after she told the boyfriend where to go, we were talking for a good 30mins, i basically came out and said it, why don't you go out with me? She said that she isn't ready for a relationship at the moment, and because she had it pretty tough with her ex-boyfriend, i don't think she will be ready for a while.. But she know that i like her, and we've established that she has feelings and interest in me, because the signals and body language is a dead giveaway.. She gives me long kisses on the cheeks sometimes when we are together, and we have pashed in the elevator at her work place when i was still working there..

 

The main problem here is that, everytime she calls me up, she always

recycles words, like your cute, i love you, i love you...as a friend (there

is a slight pause between i love you and as a friend), your sweet, your a good friend etc, the thing is, is that when she says those things i don't really react to it, simply because i still think that this is too good to be true... The other problem is that, when i was working with her, whenever i asked her if she wants to chill out over a coffee or go see a movie etc, she said yes one minute and then chages her mind the next.. But now that i don't work with her anymore, whenever i ask her out or whenever she asks me out, it's a different tune, she never changes her mind and we always end up going out.. And if something comes up, she always calls me and tells me.. Last week i visited her work, we went for a walk, and she was all over me, when she saw a fellow work colleague, she backed off, but when she saw the back of her work colleague, she was all over me again.. Another thing is that she wanted me to be with her at a consultation regarding an abortion which she had the next day, during the waiting period in the waiting area, she was all over me, and we were like this the whole day even after the consultation.. She even asked the person doing the consulation if i could be in the room with her.. I wasn't with her in at the abortion as it wasn't my business and my place to be there anyway, but if she couldn't get in touch with her ex, then she wanted me there, because it was a pretty bad break-up.. Because from what she says, i make her calm, happy and the rest of it.. I mean whenever she needs a shoulder to cry on im always there for her, she always calls me up if she is upset and wants to talk etc, whenever she need someone to be there for her, she always calls me, and im always there for her..

 

Now my questions are;

Is she playing me for a fool with my emotions?

 

Is she really interested in me and has feelings for me, or is she just using

me?

 

Is she just confused becasue of the fact that she broke up with her

boyfriend and she never came accross a person like me that treats her that

well?

 

Should i continue to pursue her, but give it time, simply because of

her break-up?

 

Or should i just go my separate way?

And is it normal for a girl to do this kinda thing for this long?

 

Because is has been 2 months now and she continues to do this.. I mean ive been down this road before, but ive never met a girl that would go to extremes like this one is..

 

I have asked everyone that i know, i went on the internet etc, and they all

say the same thing, 'that she likes me'.. They also said that i should

excercise patients since she did break up with the boyfriend so it could

take a while before she is ready, now im kewl with that, ive got no

intentions of forcing her, or pushing her into something that she is

clearly not ready, but my main annoyance and it's getting rather boring, is

her recycling of words, mainly i love you & i love you...as a friend, and your a good firne.. In my opinion i doubt that she is playing me for a fool with my emotions, because i seriously doubt that a girl would go to all this trouble.. I hope you can help me out here..

[NewsGirl23]

Well to be honest- If you havn't talked to her about this then I think you need to. I think you need to be open and honest and ask her why she is doing some of things you want to know.. the I love you.. as a friend.. or the the I like you I am going to act like it till I see someone I don't want to act like that around.. I don't.. If I were you- I would straight up ask her what she is doing with you.

 

I don't honestly think she knows that she is toying with your emotions, she did just get out of a relationship- she did just have an abortion.. those are all huge things. She is very fragile right now. In fact I don't even know if she will know why she is acting so back and forth with you. Its a really odd situation. So I wuld ask her what is going on - and then, no I wouldn't go your separate ways but I would refrain from kissing- and being intimate with her.. build a friendship on communication and be there for her as a friend. It sounds to me that she needs one right now.

[DropToZero]

I agree with NewsGirl23...she's just playing with emotions....seems to be using you as like a 'pick-me-up' when she's down or something. I'm okay with playing little games here and there for the fun and flirting...but hers seems a little bit too big to handle. I think if you ask her or confront her about it tho, she's going to try and find a way to avoid it, or answer with the things you said she was saying (i love you, you're sweet)....so if she does...I'd just lay it out. Stop playin around....it'll only lead to pain it looks like.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I too worry that she might be using you as some type of security blanket because she knows you are interested in her, and that is very flattering, yet she has managed to keep you at arms length--waiting for her. Not fair to you.

 

I think if you want to know whether she has real feelings for then you should pull back a bit. Stop being so available to her. Make yourself scarce for a few days.. a couple of weeks if possible. I know it won't be easy as you are also pretty attached to her, but I see this as a good way to get her a little "off balance." ...When she comes after you, then that is the right time to ask her what is going on and let her know that you would like to date her, but if she is not available yet then you will be moving on....and see what she says.

[shavski]

yeh i think that you definitely need to confront her on the whole thing. See how she reacts, if she can look you in the eyes and tell you shes playing it straight, then stay by her till she's ready, but like you cant waste away waiting for this girl to be ready, i dont know whether i read everything right, but yeh, from my perspective, im the sorta girl who wants to flirt and all and not go out, and guys just give up, i mean i've personally come to realise that its unfair to do this to a guy, and i know shes been through a lot, but i think you need to stop giving over to her momentary desires to flirt. she needs to start fresh with you, and the whole flirting thing may just remind her of her old relshp, so be more assertive about what you want and she'll come back down to earth, hopefully, goodluck!