After 6 months,still not over her

[hector81]

Hello,first time writing here,but been reading these threads for the last 6 months.Also,english is not my first language.

So my story goes like this:

I was with this girl for 10 years(11 minus a couple breaks on the line,mostly when we we're young and stupid). And i know her for pretty much all my life.since 2nd grade.She is 27,i'm 28.

The reason for the break-up was that i did not propose to her.now,before everybody would say "well after 10 years you should have" you got to know that i allready had a ring,and was planning on asking her this summer,on our vacation.In the last couple of months she was bringing up the marriage subject very often,and although i had a ring,i thought that if i ask her at that moment,later down the road she might think i only did it because she pressured me,and that would not end up great.

She broke up with me 6 months ago,and she immediatly started dating someone else.I took the break-up pretty hard,and had a hard time keeping no contact.(i was calling and texting her A LOT,untill she blocked me). We live in the same neighborhood,so we would ran in each other almost every week.

For 3,4 months,every time we met,she would say that she does not know what she wants and was crying,and i saw in her eyes,that she still loved me a lot.She was allways pretty ed up,comes from a broken home,her father left them when she was a kid,and her mother is alcoholic.

Anyway after 6 months,she called me one night,and i answered like a sucker.She told me she broke up with her loser.We met up that night,and made out in the car.She told me all kinds of nice things,like she cannot believe she almost got used to kissing that other guy,when it's 10 times better with me,how badly she missed me.And that i have no ideea how good of a boyfriend i was to her.

The next day we went out for diner,and she told me we need to take things slowly.I agreed,and for the next month

we we're meeting up everyday,although something was not right,she would not let me kiss her anymore.In the meanwhile the ex was sending messages all the time.I was not worried about him,because in the course of that month,she told me that she is sick to her stomach when she thinks about him,and how of a person he really was with her,that they actually broke up for about 9 times in total.I mean REALLY,you would not believe the things he did.Like he tracked her calls,messages,he even checked what pages she accessed,did not let her do/go places/things she liked,dress in certain clothes,he was at her

work all the time,if they went out to somewhere,he was picking fights with everyone,just because they looked at her,was manipulating her,they we're constantly fighting,and last but not least he actually beat her multiple times.She told me he simply sucked the life out of her.

Long story short,after a month,her brother had his wedding,she got pissed drunk there(last time i saw her that drunk i think it was when she was 18)because her father barely spoke to her,and didn't even say goodbye to her when he left.

She got really depressed,and the next morning she told me she might love her abusive ex BF,and that she will give him one last chance.2 days before that she told me that she never stopped loving me,and she never loved that guy. I know how all of this sounds,she is BAD NEWS.

So i told her i'm out of this mess,and i never contacted her again.it's been a month.We ran in each other at the post office,she told me her boyfriend is really

trying to change,and things are better between them.

Unfortunatelly i still love her a lot,she was such a huge part of my life,and now i have to watch how she ruins her life with this psychopath.I don't want her back after all this she put me thru,but i want to sleep with piece of mind,that she will be ok.

Do you guys think that people can change that drastically? Will she stay with him?I had the tiest year ever,with a lot of sleepless nights,not eating properly,heavy partying and lots of lots of crying,which i never did before.i don't think she ever saw me crying,now i feel like crying all the time.

I miss her so much every day,i truly loved her,and i would have never ever given up on her.I start to think that i fell in love with the wrong person.

[EternalOptimis]

You said it yourself. She is bad news. She's dishonest, deceptive and unfaithful. What you are going through is normal, but you can linger in "recovery" phase for years if you don't change the dialogue you have with yourself. It doesn't matter if the other guy changes, or if she stays with him. ALL that matters is that you don't WANT her back. And you need to be sure of that.

Don't party hard or rely on alcohol, but do go out. Do date in fact (nothing long-term as that's unfair to the new person and unlikely to work anyway), but dating, being with another woman and having conversations, a woman's perspective, and outsiders perspective, can help give you closure

Remember. Give it time. Definitely No Contact.

Good luck

[hector81]

Thanks man for the encouragement.it's soo frustrating that after all this time,i still feel this messed up.Unfortunatelly i party pretty hard every weekend.i do go out with other woman too,but she's like on my mind even then.

Her birthday is coming up soon,i don't even know if i should send her a message.

Thanks again.

[Chris323]

Im so sorry your going through this, But this women has serious issues. Do yourself a favor and stay away from this person, you will thank you're self in the future. You don't need this craziness in your life. Ive been in a 10 year relationship & it took a long time to get over her, But years later Im so thankful Ive moved on, She left me for a loser who got her knocked up, beat her and eventually broked up. I tought that I will never meet any one better But I eventually met someone who was a upgrade, But eventually I will always end up heartbroken my every girl. I learned that relationship come and go, & never depend your happiness on someone else because they are human and will betray you. Im in the process on learning to find my happiness within myself. My recent ex walked out of my life leaving devastated. Ive learned the hard way never get to attached, because in the end they will all leave.

[hector81]

Thanks Chris,it's now been 5 weeks since i last saw her.Thank God she deleted her facebook,so i can't check out her profile.Some days i really miss her like hell,on others i'm doing ok.She wasn't really crazy,especially in the last 3-4 years.

I'm sorry to hear that you went thru something similar to this. You telling me that things eventually will get better,gives me hope.

U are so right when you say that relationships come and go,and now i learned the hard way this,and the fact that you cannot depend on anyone.

I don't think i ever want to do this again.

Hope you are doing ok after you're last break-up.Hang in there.