Lovelavie Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I woke up today missing him. Not missing our relationship, just missing his company, missing him here, his touch. He broke up with me about a year ago, I was devastaded. He was the only guy I ever truly loved. I was capable of doing anything for him without thinking twice. I actually thought he was my soulmate and if at any given time he had asked me to marry him I would've said yes even though I feel I'm young to get married, with him, that was never a problem. I had absolutely no doubts I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And then he broke up, 2 weeks later he was already with another girl who became his new girlfriend. Needless to say I was miserable. I would self medicate to not feel anything during the day. For weeks I just lived, didn't feel anything, I was numb. As time went by, I got my things together and started loving myself, making new friends, meeting new guys. I was really happy with who I had become and how much I had learned. However, he was always in the back of my mind, I kept telling myself it would go away, but I still talked about him a lot. With time, I stopped talking about him so much, but he was still there. The memories, sometimes I would cry out of nowhere and close my eyes and it would hurt so much, and then, the feeling would be gone. Everytime I'm with a guy, I compare the guy to him, I have tried thousands of times not to do this, but it's almost automatic. I have never met anyone that made me feel like he did, and to be honest, I always feel like I want someone like him, even though he had tons of flaws, even though I know we could never be together, not the way it was, I still compare. Every time I get in a fight with a guy I'm with, or if something weird happens during my day, I dream of him. Today the dream made me miss him. I felt his touch, his laugh, his voice. I hugged him. It all felt so real, and then I woke up. Frustrated, with myself, to know that he's still there and I failed miserably after all this time to forget about him. I also get this weird feeling in the back of my mind that he will come back. Even though I know it's probably not for the best and that it probably won't happen. I always feel like he could cure everything, he was my safe place, my best friend. I'm not sorry for us breaking up, I'm just extremely frustrated that even after all this time, my heart always reminds me of him, sometimes in a beautiful way and sometimes in a hurtful way, but it's always him. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 Also, I will say I have read my previous posts from 6-10 months ago and I'm proud of myself, of how much emotional pain I have overcome and how traumatized I was to know better to never put myself through this again. I have become a much stronger and self-loving person. This is no longer an insercurity feeling. It's just my heart missing what I felt was a part of me. Link to comment
Deeed Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Awww thanks for sharing- that's so touching. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 Awww thanks for sharing- that's so touching. I'm not sure if this was the right topic to post under, but I can't explain what this is except for love. Even if it's in a sad and impossible way. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Just give yourself some more time. I'm 1.5 years "out" now,and honestly it still hurt up untill few months ago. After some more time you will feel a lot better. And it might come suddenly to you. Link to comment
Bob2526 Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 It's been six months since my break up and I've been doing a lot better. I still think about her every day and some more than others. I'm no longer depressed or is it obsessive I just miss what we had. We had some bad times but we had a lot of great times. She was my first love so maybe that's why I still think of her. Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I'm 3 months out and it still feels like I will never stop loving him and never be happy again Link to comment
LaHermes Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 Lovelavie. It is just like coming off a hard drug. The drug, the needle in the arm will make you feel wonderful, temporarily. "I always feel like he could cure everything," Yeh. The fix will cure everything, for the moment, and then the horror starts again. Just because a drug is bad, dangerous and damaging does not mean the addict doesn't miss it. Link to comment
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