HELP!married emplyoee married boss

[hoser26]

My wife and I are currently separated do to emotional exhaust. She wants me to change in order to get back together. She is needing more from me and I realize now how complicated she is and dont really know if I can give her the level of love she needs. She is very emotionally driven and has harmonal issues. I feel depressed with her and dont really know if I want to change for her because im care free and easy going. I dont want to be in such a depressing relationship. She has issues as do I but dont know what to do because she is a great person and a good lover but with much baggage. This I didnt know before we got married, or atleast I thought would workout with communication and possibly kids. So far after 3 endometrious surgerys, she is unable to bare kids. I believe this amoung being a only child from a single mother and an emotional abusive deadbeat chastised father has ruined her for me.

 

My problem has been multiplied by one of my employees. I along with my family have a business in which i am the boss of the office. My married employee has become open to me and we have grown close. She is in a relatively new marriage and is unhappy with his lack in desire for children. On top of being a complete moron and a serious idiot.(not just my opinion) We have communicated that men and women cannot be just friends and we both acknowledge how good of a match we would have been if circumstances were different. We know have started flirting and talking mess to each other. We also wouldnt want to leave our relationships unless one was waiting at the door.

 

I know it is un professional, immoral, unethical and illegal. There has been no contact other that the feel of here hair. She is what I want in a relationship as am I for her. We are involved emotionally to just a fun playful level, but I am fearful that I may think with the wrong head and slip. I dont know what to do, I want things to work out with my wife as do I want things to work out for my employee. But the feelings I have for here serious and consuming. I have been advised to not have relations with any of my employees and respect that, but I feel she might be my best friend or soulmate lover. Am I just lost and hoping for something better or am I happy because she is the half I always wanted???????

[heloladies21]

Don't even think about changing for your wife. She either accepts you for who you are or she doesn't get the pleasure of being your wife anymore. Sounds like you have some real chemistry with this other woman. I'd persue that cause it sounds like you're really into her.

[sisterlynch]

Since both of you are married, you both need to go through some steps to get out of the relationship that you are in, and be single before you should hook up. Ethically speaking, I would expect that you would go to your wife and tell her that she isn't making you very happy.

 

You seem to have thought it all out, so go for it. What do you have to lose?

[caught_up]

I think both you and your wife will need to change for your marriage to work out. If it's all one sided, it would be very exhausting to you. I would suggest that the two of you sit down have long talks about the issues between you.

 

You mentioned that you didn't notice your wife's problems before marriage. Well, maybe she didn't even have these problems at that time. Perhaps her unhappiness is caused by her inability to bear kids for you knowing how much you want them? What i'm trying to say here is may be she's unhappy cos you're unhappy with her. Why not try asking her about it?

 

Her husband might be a moron. Maybe true, but how would you know a few years down the road, you won't be a moron in her eyes? What if she's saying all that s**t about her husband is cos he can't satisfy her every need? Maybe she's the one with the problems in their relationship? Let's face it, no matter how great a person we think we are, we'll never be able to please everyone, especially all the time.

 

We all have our differences and i seriously doubt that you'll agree with this employee of yours in everything even if you two do manage to get together without hurting your respective spouses. The disappointment resulted from the little things you fail to do for or provide her will accumulate over the years. Maybe by then she'll bump into another guy whom she thinks can replace you? And they'll probably be backstabbing you and saying what a moron you are then.

 

Instead of thinking we're the best, why not check ourselves to see what areas we can improve in and help our partners to better themselves too?

[justsweetgirl]

Looking outside the marriage will never resolve the problems within the marriage. You only multiplied your dilemma by thinking about doing something "unprofessional, immoral, unethical and illegal." This is what's known as caught between a rock and a hard place. Neither situation sounds ideal to me based on what you've described. I don't think you are ready to be with someone new. Have you and your wife considered going for counseling? Infertility can be one of the most devastating things a couple can endure in life and you should not have to go through this alone. Good luck.

[hoser26]

The first counceller resulted in her telling us that we both need to get lawyers!!!!!!! The latest one is good and is making sense, but she thinks im to immeshed with my family and asked if I was willing to quit my job which is a family busines in which I make a good living at to save my marriage. My wife will not move into our present home. She wants to start fresh, im not having that until im sure we can make it. The point im having a hard time is that this employee is everything Ive ever wanted in a girl, plus she is pharmacy free. We both dont want to move until we know that there is something waiting. Im presently working on my marriage but see the water coming in and pretty soon the ship might sink.

[justsweetgirl]

I still believe, no matter how appealing this employee is to you, she is married and you are not ready to become involved with someone new. What happens when her husband finds out? When the affair becomes public?

[Southern Bell]

Go for it, big guy. You and the bimbo at work are such a cliche. Do your wife a favor - dump her. She'll be fine.... may take awhile, but something tells me her IQ is way bigger than your, uh, EGO.... Don't be surprised if she gets remarried and lives happily ever after.

 

As for the "birthing machine" at work, sounds like your kinda gal. Her "moron" husband might be a hard act to follow, but if you can't keep her happy, you can always keep her barefoot and pregnant.

 

Like I said, ya'll are a cliche. May as well jump, sounds like destiny to me...

 

 

Southern Bell =D>

[sisterlynch]

What did you mean by pharmacy free?

[hoser26]

My wife is on all kinds of drugs for depression anxiety stress migrains and alergies. I feel like she is like Sibel, up and down, confused and very emotional and sensitive.

 

The employee doesnt take the first drug and rarely is sick. She is a very happy girl and wants to be active.

[sisterlynch]

Is she younger? Let me play devil's advocate for a second....what is your wife's stress coming from? Lack of love and support? Wanting a better relationship with her husband than she has? Do you have kids?

 

All this makes her feel ambiguous and in denial. Your gf has the best of both world, she has her own husband and your wife's husband licking her up and down, figuratively of course. Maybe she takes some drugs that you don't know about???? No, that would never do!!!

 

Get real with the new chick and see how much stress she is under then!!