My partner gets angry all the time over little things but not only at me

[Lucym]

Hi, I have been with my partner for 4 years now. We generally get on very well,we have a laugh, we share the same opinions, views and have the same future goals. However, my partner gets very angry very quickly, almost like something just switches, one comment or look. My partner knows how to be polite in the street or to their friends, they are a very sociable personal and they are very confident. However, it can take one things and my partner gets angry and it's quite often as well, sometimes more than once a day. These little things can be from me having a different point of view, to someone not using manners when they are driving or doing an easy task like building something, the littlest things can become huge. My partner takes the problem out on anyone that is around them, mainly me but also their family, whoever they is close to and around at the time. They just blows up, screams, swears, makes angry gestures and when they're in the state of mind they don't care who they upsets, they also start to get personal even if it wasn't you that upset them in the first place. I knew my partner had a little anger not that long after we got together, I've been told they were like that since they were little so I'm not surprised but now it seems to be over everything or anything and I feel like I'm left walking on egg shells or I can't speak at all, I feel like there is no room for mistakes at all. My partner can be quite scary, although they have never actually hurt me and I don't believe they would, they are very irrational and starts to breaks things, they don't think about what gets damaged in the meantime. My partner gets wound up by in my opinion stupid things, such as if someone cuts them up on the road they will get angry and drive like a crazy person and start shouting in the car. I'm not the most sensitive person and we are very different with emotions, I let things go and hide my feelings inside, not many things get to me, but they are the opposite and everyone knows when they're angry. I struggle to deal with them now. I try what I can to not make the situation worse and try to understand things from their point of view but it doesn't seem to help much, now I result to walking away but even then it's a problem. My partner complains saying they're not allowed to show any emotion, which isn't true I just wish that they would tone it down a bit towards me especially when it's not me that caused it. Has anyone been in a situation like this?

[nutbrownhare]

What you are describing is an emotionally abusive relationship; check this link to see if any of this sounds familiar: [url="

 

You say you've resorted to walking away. My advice to you is keep walking, and don't look back. Relationships like this don't get any better...

[Creacion]

Yes. Unfortunately, it's called domestic violence. Honeymoon period where everything is nice then boom! There are educational programs for women in this situation and refuges. Problem is that he gets worse... Please seek info to see how you can keep yourself safe.

[Andrina]

You have one life to live on this planet. Why would you spend it walking on eggshells? It sounds like you don't even have children together. It's so easy to walk away. I don't care how old you are. You're never to old to start a new and better chapter for your life. You can love another person who doesn't possess deal breakers. The first step to that goal is to break up with this abusive partner and be alone for a while to get to a good place solo, and then you can venture into the dating world again. Take care.

[LaHermes]

Lucy.

 

He sounds like he is plain off his head. Do not put up with this type of abuse and get rid of him.

[RainyCoast]

we have the same first name

 

have you ever wondered where all this hate is coming from? the rage? and why these people need enemies all the time, even just inanimate parts of ikea bookstands that refuse to be put together properly?

 

are they very jealous also?

[LaHermes]

Their mantra:

 

"I hate to be loved, and I love to be hated".

 

People like this have a very serious problem.

[RainyCoast]

yes, everything is war with them.

 

why though, Lucy?

 

why would one to fight so much, if they didn't feel exaggerated, irrational vulnerability? and can you imagine the intricacy and severity of the complex that fuels it?

 

what i am getting at is that you are dealing with a person of an extremely bad self-image, and internalized harsh judgements about themselves. instead of facing them, they project them. and the anger goes outwards too.

 

the danger of very insecure people, apart from their aggression, is they will restrict you in all possible ways. your "playground" becomes constricted, your social life, suddenly you're embarrassed and afraid to have people over, to dine outside because they will make a scene in public or have a go at the waiter, to speak, to look in that direction or this, to answer the phone, to leave the house, to read, to clean, to not read or clean, to comment on anything or do anything. and as you sit there idly trying to not move or breathe, they come up with the problem of what you have done wrong in their dreams (or imagination), and then you answer for that.

 

unresolved complexes will simply continue to manifest.

 

there is nothing to be gained here, but manifestations of stress on your mind, body and life, and an exaggerated startle response that will follow you for a while even after you've left and settled in some place (and maybe with some one) where you can finally breathe.

 

it is not worth it.

[LaHermes]

Volatile people like him, OP, are dangerous. No self control. One day he will go a step too far and something will happen......