Flirting at Work

[Unmotivated]

You may remember me from the "Approaching a Wal Mart Girl" thread. Well, the funny thing is that know I have pretty much the opposite situation. I work at the campus cafeteria during the "Late Night Snack" (8p.m-11p.m.). It usually draws quite a crowd of students.

 

Anyway, there is a girl who comes in often. I remember thinking that she was very attractive (to me... probably not to most people) when I first saw her. This was about two months ago, when I started working there. At first I kind of tried to get her attention, but I don't even remember a single occasion in which they was actually any eye contact between her and I. So basically I gave up and assumed she already had something going on with someone else or just wasn't interested.

 

Along comes last night. I had just clocked out to go on break. I sat down with my food and wasn't really paying attention to much of anything. I see this girl walk by and look her in the eyes subconsciously. This time she looked back at me as she past. I didn't think much of it until I went to get a soda from the fountain drink machines. I happened to look her way and saw her looking right back at me. I got my soda and ventured another look over that way. She was still looking at me, with a little smile. I quickly returned the smile and went back to my seat.

 

For the next fifteen minutes of my break, while I was chatting with my co-workers, I kept looking over at her table. She was sitting with a (female) friend. Both of them seemed be making occasional glances my way. After I went and clocked back in, I saw them get up to leave. I walked right by her and snuck a quick glance in passing. She wasn't looking at me. I watched her leave while I got some stuff ready to get back to work. As she rounded the corner towards the exit she stole one last look at me.

 

Officially the most interesting twenty-minute break I've even taken.

 

I work again tonight and she will probably show up. I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I'm not very good at talking to girls that I'm interested in, and I'm definitely not good at talking to them with lots of other people around.

 

I have no idea why she has suddenly expressed so much interest in me, where as in the past she hasn't even noticed me.

 

There is also the issue that I'm at work. Being "professional" isn't really a problem. This is about the least professional job I have ever worked. All of my co-workers are tech students, just under the age of twenty. Their night usually consist of standing around and watching the girls go by and then saying something like, "Woah! Look at the *** on that one!" "Aww, yeah!" "Nice." I'm sure all of you know the type. I just hope these guys don't ruin this for me somehow...

 

Anyways, this ended up being kind of a long post, and I appologise for that. If anybody has a tip or two on how to approach this situation, I'd really appreciate it.

[DropToZero]

I work again tonight and she will probably show up. I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I'm not very good at talking to girls that I'm interested in, and I'm definitely not good at talking to them with lots of other people around.

 

I've said this many times before...and I'll say it again. STOP CARING!!! STOP THINKING!!! I was just like you, you MUST learn to stop caring what other girls(people) think. You want my advice. You need to sit down and look in the mirror, no girl is looking at you for a bad reason. All those hours you build yourself up wondering what will happen if/when you speak to her, when in reality...WHO CARES? You're goin to end up thinking of every bad possibility there is that could come out of this and psych yourself out and then...YOU WILL SCREW UP b/c you'll be too nervous to even talk. Girls can tell when you're faking it, they can tell when you're nervous, and if you are, you're showing that you're insecure to her and care way too much what she thinks. You're a person, you have your own beliefs, life, and shouldn't care what she thinks of you. Be confident, if you're not great, find a way to pretend or something...it works...the more you practice something, even fake, you'll begin to believe it. In reality I've learned from this that 99% of these possibilities that are running thru your head now are not going to happen. If other people are around when you're talking....umm again who cares..... Personally if you were talking to a girl, I'm not goin to care what you're saying to her if I'm sitting next to you, I'm not goin to critique you on your every move....take a breather....and do the above, learn to not care.

[birdgirl]

You know... it happens all the time that I'll be around a guy a million times, and then when I catch him looking at me and realize he's interested, suddenly I notice him and how attractive he is. Half of the guys I think are attractive aren't classically attractive, so they don't stand out in any way at all at first. Until I catch them looking at me. It's weird... but maybe she just noticed you for the first time.

[Caldus]

STOP THINKING!!!

 

LOL, yeah good advice.

 

Seriously, sounds like you're in overanalyzation mode. She has given you some very clear signs that you should go talk to her. Now do it and forget about the other people around you. Most of the time they're not even listening to the whole conversation anyway.

[Unmotivated]

Heh heh... Thanks for the posts.

 

I'll see what happens tonight. I really don't know if I'm going to have the ambition to talk to her but, we'll see.

[randy]

ya just talk to her. No need to have a huge conversation. Even a simple Hi, how's it going is better than nothing.

[MetallicAguy]

Like I've told other people, girls will eventually pick up that you like them, attracted to them, etc. Good Luck man!!

[Unmotivated]

Argh! She wasn't there tonight. Either that or I missed her when we were really busy. Whatever the case, I don't work again until Sunday. The worst part about this is the waiting.

 

I guess I'll go to Wal Mart tonight.

[Unmotivated]

It's going to be a loooong two and a half days. =)

[justsweetgirl]

Birdgirl is absolutely right.

[Unmotivated]

I wish I had a better memory. As an artist, I have an urge to draw this girl, but I can't remember what she looks like. Because she's on my mind her image will pop into my head at random times, but I can't make out the details. Frustrating!

 

Edit: Yay. I sat down and thought about it until I could picture the details and sketch them down. It's amazing how much a single image can become etched in one's mind.

[Unmotivated]

I don't know if anybody is still reading this thread. I've kinda been blabbering to myself, but I have a quick question.

 

I'm going to talk to her tomorrow (Sunady) night if an opportunity presents itself. Assuming I actually get a good conversation going and she is actually interested in me, would it be better to ask her out ("Hey, I was wondering if you might wanna go to lunch with me or something one of these days.") or ask her for her number ("Well, I'd better get back to work. You mind if I get your number so we can keep in touch?").

 

Again, I'm a complete newbie at these things.

 

Thanks.

[Caldus]

If you two haven't talked to each other yet, then I wouldn't ask her out right away like that. Try to get a little conversation going and then after that just ask her out to lunch the next day (chances are she has no plans on Monday). That's what I would do at least. Don't do what we say though. Do what you truly think would be best for the situation.

[here2understand2]

I agree, just go over, act casual, say 'hi' (It works all the time!!, believe me!), introduce urself and ask her out..no short cuts, and if u ask her out u get her phone number also!..but if u just ask her for her phone number thats all u get! nd again all the intricacies bout u askin her out over the fone!..so work less and do it right once!

[DropToZero]

Stay confident, and stop caring...like I said before, the more you care what she thinks of you ,the more you will look insecure..and will screw up. Get a little convo goin, maybe during your break or something if you see her. Assuming your break is like 10-15 mins or something, when you're about to get back to break...just say like "Well, I have to get back to work"...start to turn(if you're sitting, get up and start to leave), then turn back around and ask for her number...straight up....it should work if the convo goes well. If you get her number, let us know...I dont recommend asking her out the first time you meet her, just get her number.

[Unmotivated]

Thanks all. We'll see what happens tonight.

[Unmotivated]

She showed up at work tonight. She came in with two friends: one male (pretty sure he wasn't her bf or anything) and one female (not the same one from the first night). A few other people came and sat at the same table, including one of my co-workers.

 

I took my break as soon as I saw her come in. I knew I wasn't gonna have the courage to go talk to her with that many people around (especially with one of them being a co-worker), so I sat alone at one of the tables where I could see her and she could see me, in hopes that maybe she would come over and ask to sit with me. Of course that didn't happen.

 

After a while, I went back to work. My job was to clean the tables after people left. I glanced at her every couple of minutes. Most of the time she was into some conversation with the rest of the people at the table. Sometimes she would look around. A few times she glanced my way and a few times she caught me looking at her, but then she would quickly look away. To tell you the truth, these are about the results I would expert if I were glancing at any random person that often.

 

She was there for almost an hour. At best I felt like I was getting mixed signals from her. I'm sure she noticed that I was looking at her quite frequently. I'm starting to wonder if I misinterpreted what happened the first night. Maybe she's just kind of shy, but that's not really the impression I get from her.

 

It's depressing, really. It's as if the situation has taken one giant step back, to the point where I usually just say, "Oh well, she's probably not interested in me." and go on along way.

 

Of course it's not the end of the world or anything, but I really thought this relationship had potential. This is the first time I have been almost positive that a girl is interested in me.

 

I don't really know why I'm posting this... Mostly I'm trying to vent my frustration, I think. If anybody has any ideas on how to approach the situation, I'd love to hear them.

 

 

I packed all my bags to move, but it turns out the house might not be for sale.

[ves]

I have a question - when you looked at each other, did you give her a smile or just looked away? Sometimes it can be weird if someone is just looking and no other expression.

 

Can you look for a reason to talk to her or her friends? I know this isn't the same, but when I've just met another girl and the chit-chat isn't going well, I ask about their clothes. "Oh, I like your shirt! Where'd you get it? I have such a hard time finding lacy shirts that don't itch," blah blah blah. Basically if you find something to comiserate on, you can form a friendly bond.

 

I hope you can take some of that and maybe apply it to your situation? Good luck!

[DropToZero]

I'm sorry man....but you have got to get over this fear of not approaching girls. I don't know how to say this nicely....never say tomorrow, do it TODAY...I don't care what you're doing, just start talking to random girls, who care's what they think of you, honestly...you will probably end up making more friends than enemies just putting yourself out there and trying to make an effort. Can you sit and just think about this for a sec...?...how stupid would it be for you to go another year being afraid of something as SIMPLE as talking to a girl? Think about the things you're afraid of in life, usually require more risk than your own words....YOU HAVE GOT TO GO TALK TO HER! I don't want to hear "but what if..." or "next time..." ...GO DO IT, or you may never get another chance. I don't care if she visits your work every day, she will lose interest if you don't make a move as simple as talking. I know this may have been a little harsh and its reality...but get over the fear...you needed to hear this.

[Unmotivated]

Dang it, LtAwesome. You make it sound so easy. Just start talking to random girls? Heh heh, well I could try, but when it comes down to it, I just don't have anything to say. I can imagine a conversation between me and a girl going something like this:

 

ME: "Hi."

HER: "Hi."

ME: "How are you doing today?"

HER: "Good."

ME: "That's good... So... Uh, cool."

HER: "Yeah."

ME: "Anyway, I guess I'll see you later."

HER: "Okay, bye."

 

You get the idea. I guess maybe that's what you mean... That I just need to talk to girls until I can think of stuff to say.

 

That's the problem when it comes down to it. I can't really think of much to say to this girl at work. I don't know a whole lot about her. She's very cute. She sometimes comes up and asks for the soy milk (which would be an excellent opportunity to talk to her if I were ever in the right place at the right time). She drinks diet Dr. Pepper. She has an interesting hair style. None of these things really seem like conversation material, save maybe the hair.

 

 

I have a question - when you looked at each other, did you give her a smile or just looked away? Sometimes it can be weird if someone is just looking and no other expression.

 

I tried to give a small smile, but once I noticed that she wasn't really paying a whole lot of attention to me I began to have doubts that she was ever interested in the first place and then I guess I was trying to prove to myself that she really was... I don't know.

 

Anyways, thanks for the replies. I'll take theses suggestions to heart and we'll see if I can make something out of them. Really though, I appreciate the support.

[Unmotivated]

Aaaaargh!

 

Okay, one week ago (last Sunday), I got the impression that this girl wasn't interested in me. She didn't really look at me much and didn't smile or anything, and I'm pretty sure I heard her friends trying to get her to tell them the name of some guy she had met.

 

The next night I was standing right by the door as she came in and she didn't even look at me. I was like, okay, that settles it, she's not interested. In fact, I got the impression that she was kind of embarrased to come to Late Night because she didn't want to deal with me, and I didn't want that. So I decided to ignore her and try to send the signal that I'm not interested.

 

Well, I feel like I'm playing some sort of game with her. Saw her a few times last week, and the whole time I try not to look at her. Then comes tonight. She comes in mid-way through the night and by some freak coincidence, I walk out of the janitor's closet right as she is coming in and we look right at each other (then both look away). So, I start cleaning tables, trying not to look at her, but it seems like her friend is kind of keeping an eye on me. She stays there a while again. After I finish cleaning a table right next to their's, I swear she was looking right at me from about five feet away. I went on my way.... At another point in the night we looked right at each other from a good distance away...

 

At this point I start to wonder about the whole deal, you know. Obviously she knows I was interested in her, and I could have sworn she was flirting with me the first night I saw her. Somehow I feel like I've convinced part of my brain that she doesn't know me and hasn't seen me before in her life, while the other part screams "OH COME ON! SHE WAS THE ONE WHO STARTED ALL OF THIS WITH HER STUPID GAZE AND HER STUPID SMILE!". I don't know if she is still interested or what.

 

Anyways, after a while she and her friend leave, as they walk out, neither of them look at me. That's another thing. I could swear that the friend she is usually with watches me to see if I'm looking their way or not. Oh, the paranoia!

 

Okay, so they leave. I go back to acting normal, which was what I was TRYING to do in the first place. So, fast forward to closing time. I go out with a coworker to throw some trash in the dumpster and BEHOLD: Freak coincidence #2. She and her friend are walking by out there. I stare at her for a few seconds before I realize who it is. Wow. Anyway...

 

Dang it. I'm sorry. Really. I shouldn't resurrect this dead thread and dead situation, but I had to get my thoughts in order and somehow it helps to write this in a public place. I know, you guys are problably going to say I'm anaylizing too much again.

[MetallicAguy]

I think her friend thinks your crazy because you always look at this chick and you don't do anything about it like ASK HER OUT!! Well you 2 keep looking at each other...so did she start checking you out? Or was it you...this could make a big difference on who starting checking out who lol. Anyhow, the looking at each others good, I think this whole staring back and forth is her signal saying "Talk to me". Yeah well, that's my 2 cents.

[Unmotivated]

I dunno... Part of me is wondering maybe they noticed me paying so much attention to her and now they think I'm some sort of freak/stalker, which would explain why they seem to be "monitoring" me so much.

 

lol, oh well. To tell you the truth I'm not really placing much importance on it anymore. I got a few "nibbles" from other girls tonight and I want to see where those lead.

[cranberry]

Hey,

I find this to be really weird, because I am in a similar situation. There is this guy in one of my big lecture classes, and we have this looking at each other and looking away thing going on for a long time. I always check to see if he is looking at me, and I swear I see him check to see if I am looking at him. Then some days he won't even look at me at all. His friend looks at me a lot too. But then I pretend to not look at him/ignore him, b/c I don't want to look like a stalker or something.

 

You know how you were talking about sketching her? Now here's a freak coincidence. I told my bestfriend (who goes to uni outoftown) about this guy and she was dying to know what he looked like, so I sat down to try and draw a sketch of him, but it was hard. I am (or was) an artist, and I know what you mean...you can see the picture in your head but can't make out the details. So yeah I ended up not drawing a picture.

 

Well, anyway I don't really have any advice for you, but I just wanted to share that. I guess we're in the same boat here. YOu want to know what that girl (and her friend) are thinking about you, and I want to know what this guy (and his friend) are thinking about me.

You're right though about moving on. I don't expect anything to happen in my situation either and I am not going to get my hopes up.