Letting go

[Tomthumb88]

So my no contact was interrupted by her reaching out for my assistance on something. There were two very long and personal phone calls and some friendly texts exchanged but there was no talk of reconnecting as such. She did allude to not dating but I'm not reaching for straws and she'll need to be the one to bring it up, should it ever happen.

Regardless, I noticed that Facebook was providing a window that was hurting me so I unfriended her, wish I had explained it to her but I don't think reaching out just to explain is a good idea.

So I'm 7 days no contact and I'm working hard on letting go and envisioning a future without her. It's hard but just mentally trying to let go has made me feel better. I still hope she'll come around but I feel ok with it never happening

[reinventmyself]

oh. . .the hardest part. Acceptance and letting go. It's sort of a hot mix of good and bad all at the same time.

Hang in there. You seem to have a good handle on this.

[Tomthumb88]

Well in truth I've been having a hard time since the break up 3 plus months ago. Most of my pain, I think, has been due to me trying to hold onto what was. I've only recently been able to accept that that's gone and can never return. I feel like I've come to a place where I can keep the door slightly ajar but still move forward without her.

[scheme]

So my no contact was interrupted by her reaching out for my assistance on something. There were two very long and personal phone calls and some friendly texts exchanged but there was no talk of reconnecting as such. She did allude to not dating but I'm not reaching for straws and she'll need to be the one to bring it up, should it ever happen.

Regardless, I noticed that Facebook was providing a window that was hurting me so I unfriended her, wish I had explained it to her but I don't think reaching out just to explain is a good idea.

So I'm 7 days no contact and I'm working hard on letting go and envisioning a future without her. It's hard but just mentally trying to let go has made me feel better. I still hope she'll come around but I feel ok with it never happening

 

Hey Tom,

 

She didn't reach out for assistance. She reached out to test the waters. Unfortunately you did not handle the reach out properly. In hindsight what you should have done would be to say "Hey Sam, yes the refrigerator probably needs a new pump. It's great to hear from you, let's grab a drink and catch up...when are you free?" And then set up a date and get off the phone. Do NOT discuss the relationship. Focus on making her laugh and have fun. You need to look up "coach Corey Wayne" on YouTube. You don't know how to deal with this breakup properly and being unprepared will lead you to where you don't want to be.

[Tomthumb88]

Maybe... i had that thought but I'm away on business until next week. Her particular issue needed me personally so it's hard to tell.

I could text her or something and see if she wanted to meet up but that's counter to my attempt to move on. Guess I could wait and see if she reaches out again while I'm away. My unfriending her may have sent the wrong message though

[12Network]

I feel like this is where I am. I feel like I am fighting myself, where part of me is trying to hold on and not get over him in case he comes back, and the other part has started to realize that I need to move on. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope she does come back! If she was testing the waters, and does want to come back, then I would imagine, had the calls gone well like you said, she would try and reach out again.

[Tomthumb88]

People seem to think "moving on" is some magical barrier that once crossed all relations between two people are forever done. That's why I call it letting go... I'm freeing myself of this weight that's been holding me back but I'm still allowing myself to feel for her.

[12Network]

I think that's a good distinction! People put so much emphasis on getting over it and getting over them I end up getting really frustrated. It sounds like we're pretty much at the same place! Feel free to message me if you want to talk!

[Dominique]

People seem to think "moving on" is some magical barrier that once crossed all relations between two people are forever done. That's why I call it letting go... I'm freeing myself of this weight that's been holding me back but I'm still allowing myself to feel for her.

 

I agree. I can love my ex and move on with my life. I will always love him. No one will ever change that. But if we aren't together, I choose not to let that love define the rest of my actions and the rest of my life.

 

Lord knows I want us to be together... But i will find a way to live with this love if we aren't.

[Tomthumb88]

Do you think I should ask her to lunch or something next week? I still have a few items I could also return.

I posted in the getting back together about this and everyone had nothing but doom and gloom to say and that I should ignore her.

The relationship wasn't discussed but I do know we had very long and personal conversations. On the other hand, my sporadic texts were replied too but rarely initiated.

[Tomthumb88]

On second thought.. I'm going to leave it at least until she reaches out

[Tomthumb88]

Mailed the last of her things back to her yesterday.. I sent a little not with it but nothing suggesting any further contact.

[scheme]

Stop all contact and notes etc. Wait for her to text you and then meet up and have fun and seduce her into bed. Stop everything else. Work on yourself and line up some dates.

[Tomthumb88]

That's what I'm doing, although I'm about 90% letting go and 10% hope at this point