Crazy Mixed Signals, help me figure it out!

[mamabearhi]

Hey all!

I'm new here.

 

Basically, my 6 year marriage to my husband has ended. He suffers from Combat PTSD, to be clear. The divorce was his request.

 

I removed myself and our 4 year old from the situation. He said he is granting me full physical custody, we are in different states. We have been separated 2.5-3 months now. He shows no interest in reconciliation. But, there are weird signals.

 

HE sounds confused. First off, he said he didn't want the divorce. He said it was needed. Then he said he wanted a divorce because he wanted me to change (even though he could use some change, he is the one with combat PTSD.) Then he came to visit our daughter a month after separating and big mistake - he stayed at our place and we did everything together, even slept together, and were intimate, as if we were married. Then he came to visit 2 months after separation, and he had very strict boundaries. The plan was, he would have our daughter his entire stay (1 week) and he had an air b n b. HE invited me out to dinner with them the first night. Nothing happened between us, boundaries were in place. Then they did their thing for the next few days. Then the last 3 days, he spent his time at my house. And we all played and ate together, but he never stayed overnight. HE also hung out with my dad, which I thought was peculiar.

 

I send him photos now & then, and yes, I am in some photos. Sometimes my daughter requests I send certain photos, and I see no harm in it. Lately, he has been replying "beautiful! (I am in the photos w/daughter that he says beautiful to) And I also went ahead and got a job, and he told me congratulations, and he was curious where I was working. He never ever questions, (military thing) so I thought it was odd that he questioned me. He was interested.

 

He plans on visiting in June, and my grandmother, who i foreign, is also coming in June. I let him know so perhaps he could avoid those days. But, oddly, he insisted he wanted to meet her (he has never met her before.) And i just thought it was really odd. I can't wrap my head around his feelings? I felt awful, but I had to inform him that he doesn't necessarily have that right to meet her anymore - he is the one who wants a divorce. I'm a very nice person, so that really sucked. I would love him to meet my grandma, but that is just awkward.

 

Any insight anyone? I try not to read too into things. I'm doing a great job at moving forward, but I won't deny that I hope he comes to his senses. It is not abnormal for someone who suffers from severe combat ptsd to go through abandonment. I know some will say, its not right. I'm not wondering about whats right. I just want some opinions here, they're appreciated.

[Lester]

Yes, he has to change too!

You've been giving him the time and space to do it, and seeing positive results.

 

He has a role in the marriage (vocation), that he's been, so far, unable to fulfill.

Time will tell if he chooses to continue trying.