How can I make him choose me again?

[LiNuttree1]

My Ex Bf and I have a very complicated history of first me going cold on our relationship, then trying to get back together and so it went back and forth a couple of times. During all this time (nearly a year now) we have always stayed in contact and share a deep connection despite all the complication.

Two months ago he wanted to make a clear cut - either being together or be apart. At that moment I had a lot on my plate with other stuff and couldn't agree to be back together.

After that I slowly realized what a huge mistake I had made and how in love I have always been with this guy that I can't imagine a future without him.

Three weeks ago I gathered all my courage and told him how I feel and that I wanted to try again. He was very hesitant and told me that he thinks that he is still in love with me but the thought of us breaking up again is blocking his will of being together.

I am so unsure what to do. There's also another girl involved that he's seeing and he lied to me about having seen her the day before we met yesterday. I am so afraid that our turbulent future has destroyed all chances of getting back together and that this new girl is the "easier" choice for him. I asked him directly if his blockage has something to do with choosing between two women, but he said no.

 

What can I do, I don't want to push him, I don't want to beg - I only want to be with him and make him see that we can do it this time and have learned from our mistakes.

[Capttrae]

You can't do anything to make him want you back. He either will or he won't

[Annia]

You can't do anything to make him go back to you. Maybe for now it's better to step back. Maybe she's a rebound or maybe she's not, but for now you can't do anything about it. He already knows that you want him and how things are with you, so there's nothing more you can do to convince him. You can't change his mind. Maybe if you stay apart and work on your self development and growth, it can be easier in the future, either with him if he comes back or with another person.

 

There's another important thing, which is to think why you two couldn't have a stable relationship and why were you always breaking up and getting back together. This is not healthy and is this really the kind of relationship you want? A complicated relationship right from the first year, where things should be smooth and "honey moon" stage? Even if you go back to him, if you two don't solve your tendencies of breaking up and getting back together or whatever that is, this relationship won't survive.

[Keyman]

Honerstly, these on again off again realtionships tend to last for a while, often years, but usually end. They are not healthy relationships and are wound in the comfort of being with someone you know instead of going it alone.

 

Now that you aren't together, you feel that need for him, yet after a while with him, as you have said, you go cold on it. It keeps happening and it WILL keep happening. This is not a relationship but an exercise in futility. The idea of getting back ito it again might make you feel good, but it will turn cold again. He is realising that, I think you should too.

[ParisPaulette]

You don't. You examine why if you couldn't make it work after the second time, you would keep going back to try yet again. Definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

 

Admit this relationship such as it was, has never been workable - because workable good relationships that are healthy and sustain are not on/off again relationships. And yes, I've done that, it was insanity. And you don't want it.

 

Walk away, work on yourself, enjoy life, find someone you can build something with and no, that's not this guy.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately there were a lot of red flags for only 8 mos of dating. On/off, turbulent LDR, nebulous beginnings, mismatched needs etc.

 

It may be best to go no contact and delete and block him and not keep tabs post-breakup, so you can regroup, reflect and heal. He's not the right guy for you..

long distance 4 months we started out as a fling but it soon became more serious. He told me that he thinks that I might be more in love with him than he is with me, that he needs space and that we should slow things down. There's also another girl involved that he's seeing