Should I contact her this once?

[mountainman101]

Mine was a long distance relationship. I was guarded because I had previously been in a three year long relationship and took the breakup hard. Spent the next year healing and setting up own identity because I got co-dependent on he

 

Another year after that I met this woman. We met while she was living in my city but she had to move for work. I wasn't convinced about the long distance but she convinced me by saying "You will miss opportunities in life like this because you would never take the risk" and I did like her more than anyone else I had met in 2 years. 4 months apart, I was planning to go visit her and probably move in at her place once her visiting mother left but by then the routine had set in. Some fights and the usual saga. She said I didn't talk about visiting her much. I told her I wanted to but it was obvious that her mother being there stopped me from coming there (orthodox mom) along with the fact that her work kept her busy from 7 am to 8 pm. I didn't want to come there just so I end up resenting her for making me come there and not being able to give me anytime. I explained that to her as well.

 

She was about to shift to due to her job and I told her I would be happy to move in with her once she moves to this new place because her mother would be gone and I would be able to stay with her since I work home. Instead of working on it, one day she says I'm not feeling a 100% in this relationship. That day I had to ask her what's on her mind because she was acting strange for the past day or so. Couldn't tell me if her feelings had changed, just a "maybe" was said. So it ended there and I made sure it ended nice and amicably because what else could I do. I did not over react or anything and I said I understood and wished her the best.

 

She said she still loved and cared for me and still wanted to exist in my life. I told her being friends was not plausible. Friendship is something that is worth preserving and cannot happen while you are still hung up on someone. I started the no contact after that message. I got a message from her next day saying that she had time to think about what I said and that I'm probably right. She also said she hoped would we still have the need to exist in each others live... if nothing else then as friends. I never replied because of the no contact but clearly stating "if nothing else, then as friends" was confusing as .

 

The thing is I had ordered a t-shirt for her that just got delivered to my place which I was going to take over for her when I visit. It was a personalized tshirt with her name on it. Now I wonder if should I ask her if she wants or not. I have no idea. It will be breaking no contact and I'm confused. I can't seem to figure this one out.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this fell apart. It sees she wasn't as ready for a LDR as she first alluded to. What's up with the mother? Was this move known when you started dating?

 

Perhaps you could send the shirt with an unemotional note "this came for you recently, I ordered it [weeks, months] ago". Then leave it and resume no contact.

 

Good idea to decline the friendzone offer..

I told her I wanted to but it was obvious that her mother being there stopped me from coming there (orthodox mom) along with the fact that her work kept her busy from 7 am to 8 pm.

[mountainman101]

Sorry this fell apart. It sees she wasn't as ready for a LDR as she first alluded to. What's up with the mother? Was this move known when you started dating?

 

Perhaps you could send the shirt with an unemotional note "this came for you recently, I ordered it [weeks, months] ago". Then leave it and resume no contact.

 

Good idea to decline the friendzone offer..

 

Nope. I had no idea her mum was going to living with her for awhile. That was a surprise for me too. Right after I posted it, I was taking a shower when it hit me that if I did contact her and she rejected the gift, It wouldn't exactly be a great feeling. What you suggested was a brilliant idea. The best middle ground but if only I knew where she moved to since I knew she was moving this week. Oh well. I guess some things aren't meant to be. I appreciate the reply though, I was hoping it would be you with some advice. Thanks buddy!