Very complicated

[MSMT]

Hi, I want to apologize in advance for my bad english. I have a problem with a girl. I met her at school in January, she had a boyfriend but she was super into me and I was into her… We hit it off, she broke up with him (she said there were many things that bothered her in their relationship), we were together every possible moment, in school, at my place, outside in public parks… She had a low confidence. She said she probably want to be with me. (I am talking relationship here.) We had sex multiple times and it was pretty good, but she wanted to know often if I really like her as a person and not just because of sex. I did like her very much. In March before her period she said she don’t know what she want, her ex-boyfriend’s mother died suddenly and she ended it with me for a few days and seriously contemplated returning to him, crying and just being emotional mess for a week. This is the time I said directly to her I love her. After a week she returned to me, saying no matter what happened, right place for her is beside me. It was again incredibly beautiful couple of weeks. She was saying how it is beautiful that two people can be so much happy together. I am crying while I am just writing these things down… She is very moody, her preferences and priorities change quickly and suddenly, she is impulsive and emotional, just like me. She said this to me and I saw it too. She was jealous (it wasn’t unhealthy jealousy, she cared for me a lot) of other girls if they talked to me, she was basically super into me, she was texting all the time, she wanted to be with me all the time, she enjoyed time with me and I enjoyed time with her. She also said honestly that she likes me a lot, that I am only one who is relationship material for her but she don’t have feelings for me yet and don’t want relationship just yet after leaving her ex. She said she wants to wait for love to come. I said we don’t have to hustle on this, we are happy together, let’s just keep things like this. After a month, again before her period (could this be that PMS thing..?) she said she thinks we are not compatible, but again said she likes me. I became clingy and needy idiot and I know this. I would never repeat this mistake again. After a week she was drunk and texted me that she wants to end it, she didn’t want this, she want to be alone, she wants no one, that I became too attached. After all these beautiful things she is saying this. Fact that I was talking about “us” bothered her. She came to me at school after this but I was a mess that day. I was confused and devastated and wrote her that evening some sad messages but I didn’t beg, she was responding but she was adamant about ending this. That was on April 18th. That was the last day I contacted her, I went basically NC on her from that day. At school I look like a pretty confident and happy guy from that day, shooting smiles all over. I greet her in the corridors with a “hi” and a pretty, honest smile but nothing more. When I see her and she don’t see me, she looks nervous, uneasy, tense. She even returned to her ex on May 1st, but she didn’t change her relationship status on Facebook. When she sees me, she smiles at me with a beautiful smile and greets me, and that smile is more beautiful every time we see each other. Like that smile from the beginning of our story. On April 27th she texted me that she sees I am smiling, and that she is glad I overcame this. I wrote pretty bare respond, but all on a good note. I am still NCing her, but her smile is becoming more and more like at the beginning, “wanting”(?) ,maybe lustful, I caught her staring at me and she is starting liking many of my Facebook posts about hockey, even when she has no interest in hockey at all.

Look, I want her back. That connection was something very beautiful, and we were happy. I think maybe I took her for granted, I became too clingy and needy towards the end but I want to repair this. I am NCing her, she thinks I am over this but I am not. Her friends are bothered with her returning to her ex, when she repeatedly said she don’t want to return to him, ever. That it didn’t work. I am planning to invite her somewhere for a coffee in May or June, like a friend. I want to show her, that I am not that needy guy, that I made myself a better and wiser person, and I learnt from mistakes that happened. I apologize for a mess of text, I am not a native speaker.

[Keyman]

Your English is easy enough to understand, don't worry.

 

From what I read, it sounds like she was using you to make the ex jealous. Maybe not at the start, but it seemed to make her ex try harder with her which caused her to end up going back to him. Did she even actually break up with him as she said?

 

But honestly, it was a nice fling, but I do not like your chances of getting her back. She rejected you, was never sure if she wanted something with you and eventually went back to the boyfriend. I'd move on and try to meet someone that doesn't have the ongoing baggage of an existing relationship.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. She's still hung up on the ex and he's still in the picture. There are some other red flags besides that. Tread carefully.

[WombatShadow]

The more important things have been addressed, so I'll hop on this comment: "Could it be a PMS thing?"

 

I am blessed in that I don't get the super emotions with PMS, but some of my friends aren't so lucky. They cry at anything, they snap at even more, they get into fights with their friends, their parents, their SOs...but none of them have ever decided that breaking up was an okay thing to do just because of PMS. If you're grumpy for one or two days and decide to break things off, you were never super committed to the relationship. I think the timing here is just a coincidence, and if she's the one who brought it up as an excuse she's yanking your chain.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you, OP. Keep focusing on you. Someone who isn't stuck on their ex will come along for you