How do you start letting go?

[coolgirl]

I had a real great friend in my life. This friend of mine changed my life in the most amazing way possible. We've known each other for a couple of months now. I have psychological issues, along with having a hard time getting along with people. Im surprised how i held up getting along with this friend. I haven't been on medication for about a year for my mood swings and depression. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1. But I'm taking care of it now. Back in April of this year I found myself going through a nervous breakdown for a whole month that I ended up in the hospital twice. And this friend of mine stayed even through out this ordeal.

 

Lately, my friend and I started having problems here and there but we've always managed to work the friendship out. It became hard for me to be around my friend while going through my own struggles. I didn't want to complicate my friends life more than I already have and drag my friend in my problems.

 

And recently we've hit another snag. We spoke last week trying to be open and honest that I'm struggling and wanting to ask for a break and space and out of nowhere they tell me we can no longer be friends. Which is fine with me I have to respect their decision. And I know now is not the time for me to have anyone in my life and try to get myself together. But recently we've been hurting each other as far as saying hurt full things. Which is I know it's not our intent.

 

This friend of mine was such a wonderful human being, being there for me every step of the way and was so great full to have them as part of my life within the couple of months I've known them. And now I'm struggling to let go and I don't know how.

 

As far as wanting to reconcile the friendship that's not an option for me. It's just too complicated. I'm just trying my best to move forward with it and cherish the good moments we had but I'm just having a hard time letting go and moving past it. Any suggestions?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but untreated bipolar will create inner turmoil and make any type of friendship/relationship difficult. Find a good psychiatrist and medical treatment that helps you. Also regular talk therapy to monitor and iron out other life issues.

I haven't been on medication for about a year for my mood swings and depression. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1. But I'm taking care of it now. Back in April of this year I found myself going through a nervous breakdown for a whole month that I ended up in the hospital twice.

[Batya33]

I've been on the other side of this. I know you didn't intend to hurt but you did and she is entitled to want space or end the friendship. You move on by acceptance and taking the lessons learned tovhesrt so that you can make better choices next time you have the opportunity to start a friendship. I'm sorry this happened.

[coolgirl]

Wiseman, the thing is I have huge trust issues. And I just don't let anyone in my life easily anymore. How i did this i have no idea. It's just not about one or 2 people walking in and out of my life it's been on going for 12 years. I'm just hoping with medication it will take care of it and solve it. But to go to therapy and talking about it just don't have the energy for it anymore. I'm pretty much talked out. I'm scared getting close to people. I just can't handle it.

[coolgirl]

Batya, it wasn't just only me hurting my friend. But lately we've been pushing each other's buttons. I dont go around hurting people intentionally. That's not me nor who I am. Lately I've been loosing control of everything including my own life. I'm not in the right state of mind, sometimes to a degree i dont realize what I'm doing or saying. My own life is complicated enough. I can't be around people. How i held up this past couple of months I have no idea. Because something always bounds to happen one way or another so I rather be by myself instead of making someone else's life miserable and drag them into my problems. And I so much appreciate my friends moral support through out everything that they have done for me.

 

I just didn't want to complicate my friends life more than I already have. I already have 1 guilt hanging over my head and I didn't want to have another one either. My friend their life is already set, my friend has a family of their own, and the fact that mines is not even close to it and never will be. I understand my friend wants to help me to be able to get through this but I'm sure my friend has already reached their limit with me and I have too unfortunately.

 

Last week I told my friend I don't want to hurt them by walking away and was going to ask for space and a break from it all so I can get my self together but this is what happened instead. After my friend told me numerous times that they are not going anywhere or walking away and doesn't want to hurt me. I guess I had it coming and that's fine. I'm better off being on my own anyways.

[Batya33]

If you find yourself acting in a hurtful way with this person then it's better you stay away from this person but I'm not sure why you're assuming you need to avoid all friends/making new friends.

[Wiseman2]

It's understandable. You know what? make acquaintances. That's right. Join and participate in some things that interest you like clubs, groups, volunteering, lessons, classes, etc. You'll meet more like minded people. Having a common bond will help break the ice and make the right kind of friends. Don't dive into friendships, let them grow. Just like plants if you over-water them, they'll die.

I'm scared getting close to people.

[Batya33]

It's understandable. You know what? make acquaintances. That's right. Join and participate in some things that interest you like clubs, groups, volunteering, lessons, classes, etc. You'll meet more like minded people. Having a common bond will help break the ice and make the right kind of friends. Don't dive into friendships, let them grow. Just like plants if you over-water them, they'll die.

 

Great point -not an all or nothing thing.