Is she dumping me? Where has our connection gone?

[allein]

My GF and I have had the perfect loving relationship for 8 months. It was love at first site. Now, all of a sudden, she's pushing me away. Let me give you some background

 

Me, 31 years old, her 24 years old. She has plenty of relationship and 'other' expericene where I on the other hand have only had one girlfriend when I was 18 for 9 months, and a sexual relationship with a woman about 4 years ago for a few years (i fell in love with her and she broke my heart.... I was dumb, but I have a hard time trusting women now) Anyway, when we met it was pretty much love at first site. We shared so much love. It was amazing for me.

 

She had rodent trouble at the house she was renting. So she stayed with me many nights of the week. At one point recently (the past 6 weeks) an exterminator put poison out so her and her dog came to stay with me. We were together everynight for 6 weeks. I should have the seen the signs coming. We hardly had sex. 3 times in 6 weeks....... Anyway, she left last week and when she left she said 'we are out of your hair now'. A comment I didn't understand.

 

Anyway, we went out on friday and had nothing to talk about, then I started feeling weird about it. Asking myself 'whats going on here'. So I asked her and she was like, I don't know. A few days go by with me crying everywaking hour that I am alone (still happening) and her distancing herself further and further. Making comments that she knows are hurtful to me. She tells me she wants some independence and she isn't ready to move in because if things don't work out, she won't have her house to go back to (she rents). I can understand those things, but I don't understand the loss of connection between us. She is being mean with her comments. Hurtful to me. Referring to ex lovers with cute names that she knows hurts me. Saying things like, oh yeah, daddy in seattle, instaed of calling the woman by her real name.

 

Anyway, this is getting long... sorry. She came over last night and I asked her to spend the night. She did but didn't hesitate to let me know it was inconvenient for her. I tried to touch her, like our feet touching while sitting on the couch and she kept moving away. Then in bed, i wanted to kiss and she just gave me a liitle peck. I asked for a french kiss and she said she didn't want to. I was devastated. But she held me and snuggled me all night. Then this morning I got a text from her saying she was sorry that she didn't know why she was in a funk right now, but she just was. I told her ok, we can get through it, our love is worth fighting for.

 

But still I don't know whats going on. I don't have alot of relationship experience. Im fat and kind of a loner. I don't exactly have people in line to date me. she is the best thing thats happened to me. I've never felt like someone has loved me before... NOw, I am horrifed to feel alone again. It breaks my heart. Are we experiencing a normal waxing and waning of feelings or is she pushing me away to eventually dump me? I don't even want to talk to her now because I feel like I am bothering her even though today she told me she loved me and she is just in a funk...... but still, where is our connection? It seems to be gone. Can we get it back or is it over?

 

Sorry for this huge post, but it's a long story......

 

Oh have a failed to mention we both come from dysfunctional families? My parent together over 30 ys but miserable and her parents both on thier 4th marriage..... we don't exactly have good role models to go from...

[apollocreed71]

my ex seemed to be the same way before we divorced. same story. She porbably has some issuse she needs to work out in counseling. Just taking a stab, if you previously had a plentiful sex life, and now it is pretty much nul and void, she may have had some bad sexual experiences when she was younger and feels that sex is your main concern, or something like that. Never rule out someone else. Maybe somelse has noticed her new hairstyle, and you did not. You know what I am saying, getting attention from someone else when you do not get it at home. Be adults and put it all on the table. I would be a little concerned also.

[apollocreed71]

you guys should maybe get some counseling if you are serious about each other, or at least check out link removed, to get some insight.

[allein]

Thanks apollo.

She has had a few bad sexual encounters when she was younger, however, as an adult she is extrememly sexual and has pretty much done it all. She's had more sex in a year than i've had in my life. We've never had lots of sex, but we used to at least be once a week.

She coming over tonight to get her vacume and her 'stuff' (clothing, etc..) but she is also bringing some tix over so we can plan a trip on a railway trip thing at the end of the month. I'm thinking, why bother, we won't be together in a month.... i don't know what she's thinking and she won't 'put it on the table' as you say.... I have though, I've laid it all out, but I'm not going to let her see me cry anymore. I don't want her to think I'm pathetic.... Thanks for the advice though, I will check out that site.

Do you think it is possible to regain that love connection?

[Channy1727]

hey ive got some advice, but i dunno if its useful tho. ages ago when my gf started to give me those rejecting signs, it was awful seriously! but i know if i was in her shoes, someone clingy and dependent on me was not going to make me want them more. so what i did ( cause i was like not exactly skinny) i joined a gym, i lost weight, wasnt as hard as i expected cause i really wanted it. it helped me release stress and made me really happy and confident with me! so me being happy, and stuff, she noticed and started paying attention to me. she noticed how much wieght i'd lost, and that helped with us having more sex. but this was ages ago. but it did work for me. its just ppl arent exactly attracted to ppl who are always upset and miserable. dont depend on her, be yourself and show her you love her but dont over do it. if she shows you signs she doesnt wanna have sex, like move away, then move away! if you start to act like you dont need her all the time, she'd probably start running back to you.

[kere]

I totally agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It seems to me that your gf really wants this to work but something is holding her back. For a relationship to work u guys have to give each other space to be individuals and grow!!!!!!!!!!!! She is obviously going through something and i say give her some space to work it out.

 

If she wanted your help she would have asked....we are not dealing with 6 yr olds here.......healthy communication has to be apart of any relationship, when she is ready she will let you in but for now....give her some space. Just let her know in no ofensive way....look, your going through something right now and u don't seem to want to talk about it, i will give you some time to sort out what ever is going on in your head but just so you know if or when your ready to talk i will be here to listen.....then go out and have a drink or play golf or whatevr you do to relax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

If she comes back it will be because she wants you , if not then let it go and move on.

 

 

good luck

 

kere

[allein]

thanks for the advice everyone. Last night and this morning are the first times I am alone and not crying.

I do go to the gym and work out everyday and am losing weight, so thats a bonus for me whether she comes back to me or not. In fact, I credit my workout last night directly for helping my mood last night. I am feeling now like it's not the end of the world if she doesn' want me anymore. Our relationship isn't perfect and i know that if things don't work out between us, I can find another woman. I will reach out to her and let her know that I am gonna be here for her if she needs me or wants to talk about things but I'm not going to pressure her and I'll give her the time and space she needs.

I'm just going to get back to my old life in meantime. Movies with friends and homework. If she doen't come back, then i'll be looking for love again.

cheers.

[kere]

Good for you!!!!!!!!!

 

kere

[allein]

I talked to my girlfriend today. She called then hungup. I called her right back and she said she called me on accident. So I was like, Oh ok, i just wanted to return your call. Then before she hangs up she starts telling me she wants to come over so she can wash her dog. I said ok, but I was thinking why the hell does she need to come to my house to do this. She has her own house and it has water. Then she said, oh, well, how about if we have a 'sleep over' tonight. I said sure if your up to it i'd love to have you. you know you and your dog are always welcome. Then she hung up. Like it was no big deal, like everything has been peachy for the past week and a half..... what is with these games? the whole conversation seemed like, oh, ooops, she called and then conveniently made up an excuse to come over to do something she could do at her house. Why the games? is it her age? don't get me wrong, i'm glad she's coming over without me asking her to but these games are so confusing. What is with this? Are most women so elusive and full of head games? I havn't had very many relationships to be able to know.