How to be civil with my ex at work?

[Sandra1993]

Hello!

I'm new to this site, hope someone can help me with an issue I'm dealing with at work.

 

As you can understand from the title, I work with my ex. It was a hard and painful brake up, but I'm over it. I have left it in the past, moved on and feeling better. he seemed to have dealt with it as well and we were even on "ok" terms for a short while- would say "hi" to each other in the hallway and would ask if we're all right to each other. but very recently his attitude has changed. and changed for worse. he won't acknowledge me.wouldn't say "hi" or "bye", whenever i go near where he is (to do my job because we work in the casino industry) it seems like he purposely turns away. basically he's giving me a cold shoulder. And it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I don't understand what have I done wrong? Have I done something wrong? And it kind of brings up old emotions back as well. I feel like I can't be myself around him and that bothers me.

 

I don't want us to be best friends but I don't want us to be strangers as well. and his cold shoulder is making me feel really uneasy, especially since it was fine before but then all of a sudden he's changed. so my question is- Should I voice my concerns to him? should I ask what happened or just leave it?

 

I hope someone understands and can give me some advice or share their experiences with dealing with ex's at work.

[Blue Dreamer]

Who instigated the break up?

[Sandra1993]

it was mutual. we both came to the decision that the relationship is not working out and we just keep hurting each other with no real reason.

[TheRawTruth]

Questions to ask yourself

 

Is it affecting your ability to do your job?

How important is it (1-10) that you guys are cordial?

How much is this issue weighing on you?

 

Questions *I* will ask you

 

Are you seeing someone new? (Maybe that's the reason for his sudden change)

If you asked him about his shift in behavior would he be honest and tell you?

Why is it bringing back old emotions if you are truly OVER him?

[Blue Dreamer]

You have done nothing wrong. I would leave him be and see how it goes. I am winging it, I venture he potentially really misses you at end of day, though he knows there is no chance for making up. If so, it could be very emotionally painful for him to try to stay civil, especially when it comes to face to face.

[DancingFool]

You haven't done anything wrong. He is simply moving on and moving on means that an ex is no longer a part of your life. He doesn't need to acknowledge you or say hi to you or ask about your well being. Frankly, unless he has to talk to you about work at work, he has no reason to continue to interact with you at all.

 

You need to accept it and leave it alone and stop acting like it's personal and expect acknowledgment from him as if you are still tied together. You are not and that's that.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. If you come across him be polite that's it, no 'how are you doing?' talk, etc. He probably started seeing someone and needs more distance.

say "hi" to each other in the hallway and would ask if we're all right to each other.

[j.man]

it was mutual. we both came to the decision that the relationship is not working out and we just keep hurting each other with no real reason.

Doesn't really answer the question. You can break up for reasons that are mutually understandable. Fact is, though, unless you two had an awkward 90s sitcom moment and both outta nowhere blurted out at the same time, "I think we need to break up," someone initiated it.

 

Fact is, if you're starved for his attention, even if it's a just "hello" in the hallway, it's highly probable your emotions aren't as transparent as you may think they are. My best bet is he's doing you a favor by removing the inch you might try to take a mile.

 

Read DancingFool's advice and take it to heart.

[Kmart647]

I'm going through an almost identical situation although I'm on the opposite end. I think that everyone else's advice in here is good, but I am replying to this because it's so similar to my situation that I might be able to help. That being said without knowing him or you or anything about your relationship you need to take it with a grain of salt because it could be completely different.

 

I work at a bank as a lender and she's a teller, so we are in different departments but at least 3 or 4 times a week we need to call one another to clarify the status of a loan or a checking account etc...

 

Our breakup was "mutual" in the manner that after a month of her being distant and not looking at me with the same admiration in her eyes, I was heartbroken and confused and we decided to break up.

 

I put on this front of acting okay all the time because I didn't want to seem vulnerable, but when we said "hey how are you doing" in passing I'd walk away smiling then spend the rest of the day thinking about how I wanted her back.

 

When I finally accepted it was over and I'm not going to die without her, I felt better with myself and was no longer depressed and miserable, but for my own good, I had to avoid her at all costs because just her smile or laugh would throw me off the rest of the day.

 

Maybe he's still in love with you but finally accepted that it's okay to move on and needs to not let seeing or talking to you ruin the peace he's finally finding with himself.

 

Or maybe its not like that at all. Relationships are hard.