Buckle up, this is a confusing one. We need help, more ideas

[johnjack]

My girlfriend and I need some help, but before I ask you for that, I should explain our quite complex situation.

 

 

Lets call her Jane

 

 

she’s a year younger. We had a very good relationship for two years, when things started to get shaky, we become more distant, and for her, she wanted more, she felt like she was missing out on something.

 

 

Fast forward to the beginning of my freshman year in college, and the beginning of her senior year in high school, we broke up. It was an ugly break up (it wasn’t because of cheating, I was disrespectful to her during the actual breakup) . So much so that we didn’t say a single word to each other for the rest of the semester. During those four months we didn’t talk, she dated and hooked up with a few guys, and I with girls. She easily gets attached to people, so she would just hook up with guys to get over the last, and she told me she hates that reason.

 

 

Winter break comes along and I message her to congratulate her on getting into UNC, things kick off from there and now we’re in a weird relationship. All of her friends hate me because I was disrespectful to her and because I am open about my political views, which are unpopular in her friend group. Her family has always disliked me but once I disrespected their daughter, rightfully so, they also hate me now too. So since winter break we have been seeing each other its been about three and a half month. I guess its also important to mention that right now I am in Rhode Island at college and she is in philly at high school. Anyways none of her friends or family know that we’re in a relationship, but that’s not the issue. (idk maybe it is, I’m asking for your opinion haha)

Fast forward to right now.

 

 

Just today, Jane told me the is a high possibility of her having a serious illness, and that her parents are talking to her about a divorce. Heavy stuff, I know. Her biggest problem is that she wants to be with me, but at the same time she wants someone (intimate) who is there for her, which I cant be because I’m in Rhode Island and she’s in philly and next year shell be in North carolina. I am transferring to a school with a better law program, and will be looking at schools in and around north carolina, not only for her but for my education. She doesn’t know if she can wait the 9 months until I transfer to have someone there for her intimately and physically. Also if the cancer test comes back positive, she will have a giant scar on the side of her body, so she wants to be able to go out and not feel bad if she gets with anyone. Again, she feels like shes missing out. She said she would be open to continuing our relationship , but doesn’t know if she can do the 9 months without me there. So, she is a proponent of taking a break or making our relationship an open relationship. Personally, if we took a break/open relationship, I would not be able to get back together with her knowing that she wants to be with me, but has gotten with other people. And she isn’t sure if she can be happy in those 9 months if we stay together cause I wont be there physically and intimately for her.

 

 

We need a compromise. Both of us want to be with each other in the end, and I’ve told her that our compromise wont include a break or open relationship, and she is understanding of that. So please gives us ideas that will help us work, because that’s all we want, to make this work

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she wants someone local to hold her hand through all this but wouldn't mind having you as a back up for a ldr. Stay in touch as friends if you want but don't tie each other down.

 

Let her sort out her issues with her medical stuff and her parents. Suggest she see a school counselor there or a therapist.

She needs professional support not a nebulous ldr.

we’re in a weird relationship.Her family has always disliked me but once I disrespected their daughter, rightfully so, they also hate me now too.She said she would be open to continuing our relationship , but doesn’t know if she can do the 9 months without me there. So, she is a proponent of taking a break or making our relationship an open relationship.

[johnjack]

Unfortunately she wants someone local to hold her hand through all this but wouldn't mind having you as a back up for a ldr. Stay in touch as friends if you want but don't tie each other down.

 

Let her sort out her issues with her medical stuff and her parents. Suggest she see a school counselor there or a therapist.

She needs professional support not a nebulous ldr.

 

Regardless of whether or not we stay together, I am transferring to a school near hers, that's already set in stone. It wouldn't be a long distance relationship

[fabact]

You are transferring to a school near her. She should wait the 9 months. Also if she has cancer or whatever other illness her time will be consumed with that. Not dating others. Shes not seeing things clearly in my view. She probably will with time thoufh when she realizes grass isnt greener in an open reationship or seeing others. I would stay firm with your offer to transfer but she has to wait for you.

[abitbroken]

She already has a foot out the door if she asks you for a break or an open relationship. If she was committed to you, she would ask if it would be possible for you to come see her for a few days after she receives her diagnosis, or to hear it with her, etc. and then for one of you to plan to visit in another month or two. I think she already has someone lined up because in her situation, its doubtful that she would start dating with "i think i have cancer, wanna screw?" I would make really certain in your head the school near her is where you really want to go regardless whether you are with her or not. She is basically asking you if she can cheat. ANd her parents hate you. So that will make it more difficult.