Arguing with bf?

[anon2633]

Hi guys, my bf and I have been together for around a year now. We met at a party and exchanged numbers and have basically been together ever since. (He asked me to be his gf about 2 months after meeting) we got along very well, had shared interests, same kind of humor, etc... He is my longest relationship and I am his healthiest according to him.

 

However, the last few months we have been having small arguments that lead into something bigger. It leads to me feeling like he doesnt care when I am upset or does anything to fix it. It leaves me feeling needy and insecure.

 

My bf is not very emotional, he keeps to himself and hes also not sympathetic. He would not fight for me if I wanted to leave nor does he need me but rather he prefers I be there in his life.

 

We care for each other very much but when we argue its another story. I get too emotional and he gets very cold even a jerk at times.

 

My question is how do we argue in a healthier manner?

[Wiseman2]

Pick your battles. Give each other room to breathe. Don't be a confrontational in your face type if it's time to retreat and let everything cool off. He shouldn't have to "fight for you". If you are wielding breakup threats, then showing you the door is appropriate.

[DancingFool]

What exactly are you fighting about? Can you give some examples?

 

The whole he wouldn't fight for you....I mean he is not supposed to. Either you want to be with him or you need to find someone else you actually want to be with. Any self respecting person will show you the door if you tell them you want to leave.

 

Also, guys make bad girlfriends. If you want constructive advice or need something fixed, you go to a guy. If you just want to vent and moan and want emotional support and a "there there hugs it will all work out because you are awesome like that", you go to your girlfriends for that. You can't expect your bf to be everything for you. It doesn't work like that.

[anon2633]

What exactly are you fighting about? Can you give some examples?

 

The whole he wouldn't fight for you....I mean he is not supposed to. Either you want to be with him or you need to find someone else you actually want to be with. Any self respecting person will show you the door if you tell them you want to leave.

 

Also, guys make bad girlfriends. If you want constructive advice or need something fixed, you go to a guy. If you just want to vent and moan and want emotional support and a "there there hugs it will all work out because you are awesome like that", you go to your girlfriends for that. You can't expect your bf to be everything for you. It doesn't work like that.

 

Yea i completely agree. I definitely need to work on how I handle and express myself when I am emotional. I would just like a little bit of sympathy from him. The arguments are stupid and petty from thinking he plays too many video games to arguing about wanting him to take initiative and planning dates himself. If it were up to him we'd spend everyday indoors watching netflix which dont get me wrong I love doing but thats not all I want to do.

[Wiseman2]

Why don't you plan the dates? If you let it go to default then yes, he'll netflix and xbox all day. Why not plan some fun things to do weekends and the rest of the time give each other space to do your own thing?

[anon2633]

Why don't you plan the dates? If you let it go to default then yes, he'll netflix and xbox all day. Why not plan some fun things to do weekends and the rest of the time give each other space to do your own thing?

 

I do plan dates but I think it would be nice for him to plan one for a change.

[DancingFool]

Yea i completely agree. I definitely need to work on how I handle and express myself when I am emotional. I would just like a little bit of sympathy from him. The arguments are stupid and petty from thinking he plays too many video games to arguing about wanting him to take initiative and planning dates himself. If it were up to him we'd spend everyday indoors watching netflix which dont get me wrong I love doing but thats not all I want to do.

 

So really what this is about is that he is showing who he is, you don't like it, so you are fighting with him trying to change that. You can't. Either you join him playing games all day and night or you need to find a different bf who has more energy and broader interests. What you have going on is called incompatibility. He would be better off with another home body gamer girl and you need to find yourself a guy who is more active and more interested in doing different things.