white knight 9 Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 It's definitely her drinking that sets off her verbal scorn. But somehow I see in her eyes she wants to be close to me but she is holding into the past Link to comment
white knight 9 Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 Oops she is holding onto past ghosts some real and some she has created that did not happen as she imagines. Link to comment
white knight 9 Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 I agree that by most everyone's opinion I should leave and divorce her. But something deep within me still holds hope for her and us. Perhaps because we've managed to forge a life together and we have such a long history, but it's more than that. I still look at her and realize I love her and if I leave her it would be an act of me deserting my duty and honor to my vows I took. For better or worse and in sickness and health. Alcoholism is a sickness. Perhaps by all standards today I'm just a fool, but I believe in a deep love that has patience for mistakes. If my commitment and devotion proves to be undeserved then it will play out and that is on her. But leaving and divorcing her is on me and my dip into a level of integrity that I made, do it would be on me. Link to comment
Lester Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 Hope without action is the converse equal of your distorted view of marriage. Since first posting here, what action steps have you taken to understand your wife's distractions, improve yourself, and your understanding of genuine marriage? Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 I agree that by most everyone's opinion I should leave and divorce her. But something deep within me still holds hope for her and us. Perhaps because we've managed to forge a life together and we have such a long history, but it's more than that. I still look at her and realize I love her and if I leave her it would be an act of me deserting my duty and honor to my vows I took. For better or worse and in sickness and health. Alcoholism is a sickness. Perhaps by all standards today I'm just a fool, but I believe in a deep love that has patience for mistakes. If my commitment and devotion proves to be undeserved then it will play out and that is on her. But leaving and divorcing her is on me and my dip into a level of integrity that I made, do it would be on me. Hope of what? Everything to be happily ever after? To me it seems like you're staying out of obligation and are too proud to walk away from something when it's dead. It's not alcoholism that has killed your marriage, it's a symptom of an unhappy person with problems. If you "hope" things can get back to anything but a joke of a marriage (and that's what it is right now - she's only in it for nostalgic purposes, convenience and a sense of "duty" to the kids - NOT because she loves you), then ask if she wants couple's counselling. Her response to that will speak volumes of how much she wants to actually fix things. But yeah, in the meantime, work on yourself. Get yourself in a good place physically and mentally, because really, that's where you should be, with or without her. Link to comment
white knight 9 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 I will see if she wants couples counseling, but I think her own individual counseling is very important. Link to comment
white knight 9 Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 After a really good weekend last weekend with great intimacy and then followed by date night last night, I really thought maybe we can work through all this. Then tonight she tells me, " just because we had a great intimate weekend last weekend and a fun date night, it changes nothing for her. She is angry because she has to work now, and I've been recommended to be fully disabled by my Doctors. She says my youngest son is suffering because she isn't home enough and I'm letting him down." When she is home with him and us, she drinks until she gets mean spirited and verbally abusive, or she stays at lunch with her girlfriends all day and comes home drunk or highly spirited by wine. She says she has to work to provide for us and give us health insurance. Link to comment
white knight 9 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Share Posted May 10, 2017 Ok. The cold shoulder train is back on track. No matter how I try to show affection or intimacy she just shuts it down or doesn't respond at all. It's like that special night on my birthday weekend was just a lapse on her resolve. Or maybe just an act of kindness or pity because she feels guilty locking me out. None the less, perhaps it's time to take her up on the "Why don't you get a girlfriend if you want intimacy," statement of a month of go? She did throw that at me when I told her I wanted to work on us. Your thoughts? Link to comment
Lester Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 Did you ever read Dobson, check phone records? How much do you weigh? Link to comment
white knight 9 Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 No I have not read Dobson. I weigh 285 and I'm 6'2". Link to comment
Lester Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Your weight isn't that bad! I thought you were going to say something like 360#. You really don't have to lose a lot. 250# would probably look good on you. If you don't mind me asking, why didn't you read Dobson? Link to comment
white knight 9 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 I'm fully immersed in my manuscript rewrite on a deadline. I've had no time for reading Link to comment
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