New girlfriend acting strange suddenly

[wineguy]

We have been dating for about 7-8 months now. Everything has been great. I am 50 she is 47, neither of us have been married or have kids. She is very complimentary, tells me she loves me often and how she's so lucky to have found me and that I have helped her to discover how to love again. Then Sunday she got very weird. I spent the day at her place we were supposed to have an "us" day and relax together. She went on this cleaning binge and pretty much ignored me for most of the day until dinner. Normally we spend at least one night during the week together, when I asked her which night would work for her she said she was busy with an extra project at work and wouldn't have any time this week. When I called her Monday night she said she had finished her project....as I waited for her to say let's get together....nothing. Spoke to her on the phone for the last couple nights and she's essentially spent them watching TV with her cat. The I love yous and sweetness has completely dried up. Don't know what to think.....we are supposed to go on a road trip Friday (which i have confirmed with her)

 

Confused....any suggestions?

 

Thx

 

Wineguy

[melancholy123]

I think you need a face to face sit down talk with her to figure out what's going on.

[SherrySher]

Geez, sounds like the honeymoon phase is over.

 

I agree with the above poster, you need to sit her down and ask what is going on. She sounds far too cold towards you for it to be nothing.

[wineguy]

Thanks,I called her last night and asked her point blank if everything was OK she said she had a busy week and everything was fine. No I love you or any type of emotional connection on the hang up though. Let's just say the answer didn't put my mind at ease.

 

Thx

 

Wineguy

[SherrySher]

Wineguy, you need to be more direct than that. You need to say.."Hey btw, I have noticed you seem less affectionate towards me and not excited to spend time with me as you had in the past..what's going on? Did I do something to upset you or is there another reason why the change in behaviour?"

 

Unless you ask directly and let her know that you've noticed a difference, you will never get a straight answer.

[JaggerJim]

She sounds a bit bi-polar

[wineguy]

She sounds a bit bi-polar

 

So I was really busy today and went directly to a dinner, didn't get home till after 10 and heard nothing from her all day. I have been initiating the contact all week. This is the first day in months we haven't spoken, and the longest stretch we haven't seen each other. I'm supposed to pick her up at 5 tomorrow for our road trip.....any suggestions? Do I have a conversation before we leave? When we get back? It's only overnight back on Saturday. I'm working out of town for the day and she volunteered to help, which has done before for me....one of her very admirable qualities

 

Thx

 

Wineguy

[SoulTaker]

Wineguy, you need to be more direct than that. You need to say.."Hey btw, I have noticed you seem less affectionate towards me and not excited to spend time with me as you had in the past..what's going on? Did I do something to upset you or is there another reason why the change in behaviour?"

 

Unless you ask directly and let her know that you've noticed a difference, you will never get a straight answer.

 

I agree. I'm not one for "beating around the bush". If it was me, and I didn't get a straight answer, then I'm not bringing her on this road trip. That will get her attention.

 

Also, 7-8 months is not always enough time to really know someone. There might be things about her that are now coming to light.

[nsolo]

The problem could be that you've gotten predictable, and perhaps you are leaving too much up to her. Be unpredictable and take the lead. On the "us" day, I can see why a woman might start cleaning a bunch if I didn't plan anything fun for us to do. Continue courting her, taking her on fun dates, etc. Maybe that can change things.

 

Oh, and concerning the road trip, I know it's a little shady, but I may very well just go myself without asking her if she's coming. I may very well not ever call her again until she reaches out to me. Think about it: You've been initiating contact all week, and she's acting cold toward you. So she's losing interest and doesn't view you as a challenge anymore, perhaps. Either way, you have to ask yourself, has she earned your attention and trust and commitment, because it doesn't sound like it based on what you've written. I'd so much rather enjoy a weekend on my own feeling as free as a bird than spending it with some woman who I feel like I need to polygraph to figure out what's true or not.

[wineguy]

So I texted her last night when I got home saying I was looking forward to the trip and missed her etc.....she read it at 624 this morning with no response. At this point it's pretty much done in my mind, her actions are showing her feelings and I refuse to be treated like this. My guess is I will get a lame text either during lunch time (she is a teacher) or after 3 saying she's not feeling well or some other excuse for not going. If I don't hear from her at all I will likely just head out on my own anyways. I really don't feel like I owe her any explanations or need to initiate any further contact.

 

Any advice is appreciated

 

Thx

 

Wineguy

[lazydreamspie]

So I texted her last night when I got home saying I was looking forward to the trip and missed her etc.....she read it at 624 this morning with no response. At this point it's pretty much done in my mind, her actions are showing her feelings and I refuse to be treated like this. My guess is I will get a lame text either during lunch time (she is a teacher) or after 3 saying she's not feeling well or some other excuse for not going. If I don't hear from her at all I will likely just head out on my own anyways. I really don't feel like I owe her any explanations or need to initiate any further contact.

 

Any advice is appreciated

 

Thx

 

Wineguy

 

I kind of went through something similar with a man I was dating, although our relationship was much less serious. Things were great, then out of the blue he got distant, disinterested, and started ignoring my texts. A week later he more or less said he wasn't ready for a relationship and disappeared. You have a much stronger connection than I did with my guy, but if your gut says something is wrong (mine did for sure), then... you're probably right. I'd try calling her one more time and then leave it up to her to contact you. I hope this works out for you!

[SherrySher]

Wow,...now she is being downright rude. Yes, don't take that from someone. It's not right and she could at least be polite. What I would do at this point if I were you..(as another poster suggested,.... don't even bother anymore with her).Go on this trip, don't say a word to her and draw a line under it.

 

She's being a jerk to you and isn't even trying to be nice.

To heck with it, no one needs a nasty person like that around.

[SoulTaker]

So I texted her last night when I got home saying I was looking forward to the trip and missed her etc.....she read it at 624 this morning with no response. At this point it's pretty much done in my mind, her actions are showing her feelings and I refuse to be treated like this. My guess is I will get a lame text either during lunch time (she is a teacher) or after 3 saying she's not feeling well or some other excuse for not going. If I don't hear from her at all I will likely just head out on my own anyways. I really don't feel like I owe her any explanations or need to initiate any further contact.

 

Any advice is appreciated

 

Thx

 

Wineguy

 

We've already told you what needs to be done. Instead of standing strong, you're coming across as somewhat desperate in having to communicate with a person who is showing no interest in you, and imagining what her reply would be.

 

Your best chance to right this ship is to move on without her, and have her come to you.