Another dating black cloud?

[bobster]

I have been seeing a girl who is 23 for a for a few weeks now. When I mean seeing, we have always met in a bar in her area. We have great topics of conversations, we both do the flirting thing and always end the evening kissing. But recently we have been getting more into talking more openly about life in general and have been heavy flirting with each other.

 

We met in the bar a few days ago and I had my car so we could go a drive later. We ended up back at her place where she invited me in. We ended up heavy flirting then kissing then yep....going all the way. We both enjoyed it and it was very nice.

 

The following night though, I went to a disco with some guy friends and she text me to say she was going with her friends and she would see me there. Later on I saw her dancing and kising another guy.

 

After having a text apologising for her actions, I phoned her the next day to ask just what was going on.

 

She basically replied that she was confused and didn't know what I was to her. She said that she didn't know how to treat our meetings in the bar if we were dating or not. She apologised again for kissing that guy.

 

She admitted that she had had only one previous "serious" relationship where she was hurt and it lasted only a few months. She felt that we were kinda developing a relationship and that it felt nice to be in one and admitted that she looks forward to spending time with me. We did agree that we went too far with each other the night in her place as we don't know and fully trust each other.

 

So what do I make of this girl? I like her, and I know we all get drunk and do things we regret but is that really an excuse? I thought it was obvious we were dating, its not like we're doing what "friends" do after all!

[cameraguy]

sounds to me like you guys need to go on some dates, not flirting at a bar, or going to a club..

 

I'm talking traditional dating, dinner, movies, flowers, etc.

[San123]

I agree with cameraguy. If you go on dates then it won't be confused as just "hooking up," otherwise she may not know if you two are actually in a relationship or not.

[DN]

When you parted after having sex, what was said, especially by you? If she thought it was just a one night stand, then she may have felt OK in kissing another guy and only realised by your reaction at the bar that it meant more to you than that. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and where the relationship goes. The communication of your feelings by both of you on the 'fateful' night may have been the problem.

[bobster]

Afterwards the converstaion was fine, we both talked about how it would be ages until we saw each other and other things that twas just silly stuff. She said that she had a really nice night and of corse, I told her same because I did.

[bobster]

I'm now getting really confused myself now!

The girl I'm "seeing" went home for the last fortnight. She sent me a message saying "I miss seeing you" so I spoke to her on the phone several days later and we talked and arranged to go bowling when she got back but she seemed very cold on the phone as if she was talking to her brother or something. Just feel as if I'm getting mixed signals. Almost as if she is being lovine the one minuite and not the next. I always give her affection both in texts and on the phone........I think??

 

How do I sort out the confusion with her, like she says she doesn't know how to take "us" ?? ie. bf-gf ?

[Iceman26]

I think in your situation its kind of hard to take a step back after the situations and scenarios you two have already been in together.

 

I think what you should do. as cameraguy suggested, is to take her out on a date and see how she is in a situation OUTSIDE of the bars and clubs, and get her away from the booze as well.

 

I think after going out with her on a date or two, you will get the general idea if this is a girl you could date or be in a relationship with, or simply a girl that is a barfly and a hookup. Whatever you decide to do, I urge EXTREME caution. In my mind, its never a good idea to get involved with someone who can sleep with you one night, and then the next night be making out with some other guy.

[Mjane]

Her confusion stems from not knowing where she stand with you. She's sending mixed signals because she doesn't know what's doing.

you got great advice. Ask her out on a date... make it clear it's a date... none of this hanging out business, pay for the dinner, hold her door open for her, make her feel special and if she responds positively then you have your answer.

[bobster]

Thanks guys for your advice, your right I should just ask her out on a date and keep booze at a minimum.

 

She is busy doing assignments for University, so should I wait until she contacts me? or do I text or call her? I don't really want to annoy or disturb her....

[Mjane]

Call her so you can set a date a week or two ahead if she's got exams. It's the guy's job to pursue a girl so don't wait around for her to call you.

[bobster]

Oh, yeah, I forgot to say:

 

The reason I was asking if I should contact her is because she broke off our bowling trip (with less than a day to go) last Monday because she had to finish a couple of Uni assignments.

 

Whats confsing me now is that I have had NC with her since Sunday.