It feels like he hates me!

[shell1982]

Thanks Billie, i really appreciate your advice and i understand it was a short time. I followed my heart that was all, and i know in your eyes in maybe such a short time but my feelings were absolutely there so it does sting.

The party situation - maybe i was wrong, maybe i am too much and maybe i did over react but it comes down to the same thing. I missed my guy. I was not trying to cause problems, i was not trying to push him to break up with me. I was trying to be honest about how i felt and with 2 months of not seeing him i missed him - thats all.

The party was for a random work colleague, he had cancelled plans to see me the day before also because he wanted to spend time with his nephew and family - something i was absolutely more than ok with.

I know you think i am terrible and i am the cause of all this and maybe i am but i am extremely hurt.

[Billie28]

I get your point as well Billie, but hopefully people can trust one another enough and have a decent enough relationship where they don't have to lie.

I just don't ever feel lying is ever okay.

If he felt it was going to be a huge fight, then obviously it already wasn't working and he could have ended it then and there, but lying is not something anyone should have been considering.

 

Also agree with you Sherry.

A lot of this particular scenario boils down to bad timing really.

And probably (highly likely ) also incompatibility.

 

After 8 weeks , it was too soon to be laying down boundaries with someone you don't know.

Exclusivity discussion is fine at that point but the timing of his travelling away for a reasonably lengthy time got in the way.

 

I think both the op and the guy are looking for a long term relationship.

I don't think either did anything wrong particularly.

If they were truly compatible, neither in such a hurry, were both more relaxed about the dating scene, didn't involve family prematurely before they actually got to know each other, then who knows what might have been?

 

But that wasn't the situation, so it wasn't meant to be.

 

The op needs to not get so worked up about it.

It sounds like she is grieving the potential of a relationship and not the man!

 

She needs to brush it off. And relax!

Rejection is never personal to the rejected but only to the one rejecting.

 

The sooner she realises this the better.

[seanryder]

I don't think anyone thinks you are terrible....you are just human, and your feelings got the better of you......like pretty much everyone else on this forum at some time or other. The only reason any of us can give advice is because we've been there, done that and have learned lessons along the way.

 

Don't beat yourself up. Look at the situation as it was and see what you can learn from it. We're all 'works in progress'.

[Billie28]

Thanks Billie, i really appreciate your advice and i understand it was a short time. I followed my heart that was all, and i know in your eyes in maybe such a short time but my feelings were absolutely there so it does sting.

The party situation - maybe i was wrong, maybe i am too much and maybe i did over react but it comes down to the same thing. I missed my guy. I was not trying to cause problems, i was not trying to push him to break up with me. I was trying to be honest about how i felt and with 2 months of not seeing him i missed him - thats all.

The party was for a random work colleague, he had cancelled plans to see me the day before also because he wanted to spend time with his nephew and family - something i was absolutely more than ok with.

I know you think i am terrible and i am the cause of all this and maybe i am but i am extremely hurt.

 

I am not saying you are the cause of this.

I understand you are hurt. I have been there.

 

But read my response to Sherry.

 

We are only accepted by one generally in life as a partner.

We are rejected by many!!!

 

You have hurt those you rejected. Do you hate them? No! Have they been accepted by another? Yes!

 

Don't take it so personally!

[shell1982]

I don't think anyone thinks you are terrible....you are just human, and your feelings got the better of you......like pretty much everyone else on this forum at some time or other. The only reason any of us can give advice is because we've been there, done that and have learned lessons along the way.

 

Don't beat yourself up. Look at the situation as it was and see what you can learn from it. We're all 'works in progress'.

 

Thanks so much Sean, for your views aswell. I know everything you are saying makes sense as does a lot of what others are saying. I'm really trying hard to move on but i do miss him not just the relationship. I find it so sad that you just cut off from the person. I have tried to be so dignified to him throughout all of this i hope that at least counts for something.

[shell1982]

Also agree with you Sherry.

A lot of this particular scenario boils down to bad timing really.

And probably (highly likely ) also incompatibility.

 

After 8 weeks , it was too soon to be laying down boundaries with someone you don't know.

Exclusivity discussion is fine at that point but the timing of his travelling away for a reasonably lengthy time got in the way.

 

I think both the op and the guy are looking for a long term relationship.

I don't think either did anything wrong particularly.

If they were truly compatible, neither in such a hurry, were both more relaxed about the dating scene, didn't involve family prematurely before they actually got to know each other, then who knows what might have been?

 

But that wasn't the situation, so it wasn't meant to be.

 

The op needs to not get so worked up about it.

It sounds like she is grieving the potential of a relationship and not the man!

 

She needs to brush it off. And relax!

Rejection is never personal to the rejected but only to the one rejecting.

 

The sooner she realises this the better.

 

Thanks Billie, i am really trying as silly as that sounds. Its just super hard for me to jump into a relationship and i was so genuine and open with my heart. He said all the right things and i really tried to be the best i could.

I miss him, although we were together for only a couple of months before he left we knew each other for longer so you are losing a friend here which really hurts.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, but quite a few red flags after just a few months of dating. Too much, too soon, too fast and all talk no action. It sounds more like you dodged a bullet if he rarely made time for you.

 

It sounds like it was a rocky dating situation and he moved on when the infatuation wore off. Stay no contact. Good you are on dating apps, but look for someone else who you are more compatible with. This time be observant of players and time-wasters.

I logged back onto the dating app that we met on and noticed he is active on there with a new profile and pictures and a new blurb and actually reached out to him and he called me. i also mentioned i saw him on the app.

[shell1982]

Sorry to hear this, but quite a few red flags after just a few months of dating. Too much, too soon, too fast and all talk no action. It sounds more like you dodged a bullet if he rarely made time for you.

 

It sounds like it was a rocky dating situation and he moved on when the infatuation wore off. Stay no contact. Good you are on dating apps, but look for someone else who you are more compatible with. This time be observant of players and time-wasters.

 

Thanks Wiseman, really appreciate your views, i am trying, just need to get him out of my head. Is it normal to miss someone like this?

[BellaSwan]

So, i have posted on here once before after my break up over a month ago. We were only together for a few months but it was honestly a fantastic relationship and i was smitten as was he. That was until he went travelling, asked me to wait for him and then came back to say his feelings had changed. He broke up with me the day before my birthday and i was heartbroken.

 

He obviously met someone else during his "travels". What an asshat he was to break up with you the day before your birthday!

 

 

So since that day he walked out of my apartment and i was sobbing i had not heard a peep from him. I really have been struggling with the breakup but had remained NC since the day he walked out and was trying so hard to get over this.

 

You absolutely HAVE TO get back to doing NC with this heartless bastard. Seriously. He's a PLAYER. You deserve BETTER than this.

 

 

I logged back onto the dating app that we met on and noticed he is active on there with a new profile and pictures and a new blurb. Safe to say i was absolutely distraught.

 

What more proof do you need?? He's already online looking for more victims...consider yourself EXTREMELY LUCKY that you dodged this bullet!

 

 

I tried to remain calm and actually reached out to him and he called me. We had a very generic conversation about life and how things were going and i asked about his plans on moving abroad and if it was happening, i also mentioned i saw him on the app and i was having some work done at my apartment which he initially helped me with so thought i would say hi. We spoke for a little while and he said he had to go but he would call me back in the next few days to catch up properly. That was 2 weeks ago.

 

So much for him "calling you back". Two weeks..and you've still heard NO word from him, eh? Absolutely shocking (NOT...)...

 

 

BTW i am 35, he is 37 - i had met members of his family and friends as did he and i honestly thought this was it for me.

 

I'm SO very sorry that this douche is putting you through all this heartache. He LED YOU TO BELIEVE that he was ALL IN with regard to beginning a relationship. And, as you saw, he was just blowing smoke up your ass. Good thing you found out NOW and NOT later!!!

 

 

We had had some arguments whilst he was away but i think it was the stress of being apart and also i felt if he was asking me to wait until he came back he should at least ask how i feel when he was thinking of extending his trip.

 

Any guy who really REALLY likes you and is crazy about you would NOT want to "extend" his trip! Girl...he's playin' you. He's giving you breadcrumbs...and is stringing you along so he can "leave his options open" should the options that he's working on fall through.

 

 

 

In previous relationships i have made the mistake of not standing up for myself when i think i am treated unfairly and this time i did and i am scared i have driven away someone who could have been 'the one.'

 

If this guy was TRULY "The One", you standing up for yourself and having integrity would NOT have driven him away! Remember that. NEVER sacrifice your integrity for **ANYONE**!

 

 

 

I am from London and work close to where the terror attacks took place recently, i had so many people check up on me to see if i was ok, including exes from the past, nothing from him which i found so upsetting.

 

This douchebag does NOT give two $hits about you. IF he HAD, he would've checked up on you to make sure you were okay!

 

 

 

I guess my question is was i so awful that he hates me and literally does not think about me at all? is there any hope that he would ever come back and what did i do to drive him away? I'm really struggling here.

 

You are NOT "awful", OP. You have done NOTHING WRONG, okay? This guy has some SERIOUS Character Disturbances that you should DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM, post haste. Trust me - you do NOT want him to "come back". If he did, all he'd do is string you along some more and make you feel like feces in the process!

 

BE GRATEFUL that you have DODGED A BULLET with this! You need to know that you DESERVE BETTER TREATMENT (not to mention RESPECT) from a guy than what this nutsack has been giving you.

 

You need to take a few weeks to RECOVER from this...and THEN you need to forge forward into future dating/relationships with CONFIDENCE and SELF-RESPECT!!! If you respect yourself and possess INTEGRITY, guys will pick up on that and will respect you as well. Those who do NOT respect you, can go to HELL!

[shell1982]

Bellaswan, Thank you so so so so much, for taking the time to read this and for your words and advice. I know everything you are saying is so true its just when you are in the situation and feelings are involved your perception is so blurred. Thank you thank you thank you for your words of encouragement and also for your reassurance that this wasn't my fault. I have been constantly blaming myself and seeing what i did wrong and i know maybe i did but his actions just show that he never really cared.

 

I also go down the rabbit hole of thinking that the next girl is going to get the better version of him and he will do anything for her and i am just left by the wayside. I know its dangerous and unhealthy to think this way and your thoughts and words have somehow hit a chord and made me realise that i deserve better than what he did to me. It hurts like hell right now, especially laying there at night trying to understand someone who i think really doesn't understand themselves.

 

Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this helped.

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry this happened, OP.

 

It does seem there were deeper incompatibilities and he was not invested as much as he appeared. I agree, he said a lot of things any woman would be delighted to hear but there just wasn't the same level of action to support those words.

 

He's not coming back, though. I wouldn't even bother trying at this point. His silence says everything you need to know, and I don't think he's doing that because he doesn't like you as a person, but because he knows it would give you false hope.

 

Your best bet is go back to No Contact, delete his number if you haven't already and work on emotionally detaching.

[shell1982]

I'm sorry this happened, OP.

 

It does seem there were deeper incompatibilities and he was not invested as much as he appeared. I agree, he said a lot of things any woman would be delighted to hear but there just wasn't the same level of action to support those words.

 

He's not coming back, though. I wouldn't even bother trying at this point. His silence says everything you need to know, and I don't think he's doing that because he doesn't like you as a person, but because he knows it would give you false hope.

 

Your best bet is go back to No Contact, delete his number if you haven't already and work on emotionally detaching.

 

Thanks so much, you are right, i know it. I also think part of the reason he would never come back is the guilt of the way he managed things. I know he wont and that is upsetting but reality.

At the moment i just need to take off the rose tinted glasses and see him for who he really is. There are other things which he did when i look back on in the relationship that were massive red flags. Unfortunately i believed is words rather than looking at his actions.

 

I have tried my best at NC and think i have done well. Since he walked out just that one call after a month to see how things were after i saw him on the app. No messages nothing at all in between or after. Just the heartache inside.

A massive reason for this is that i remember his ex girlfriend used to message him when we were together and his reaction was one of disdain, i wouldn't want anyone to look at me that way.