Girlfriend asked for space

[vmaypa]

I've been dating a girl for about 3 years now and my girlfriend and I have been routinely doing the same thing every time we see each other since I've went back to school in January. She works Mon-Fri and I go to school during the week. We usually gym together every night during weekdays, and spend about 1 day during the weekend pretty much doing the same thing we have since I've went back to school which is walking the dog, going to the park, movies, going out to eat. I've asked her to do other things on the weekend, but she say's that's what she likes (what i mentioned above). I've been so busy with school the past month or two that she's been hanging out more often with her friends, which is understandable. The whole thing that lead to her wanting space was the result of me being so frustrated with her wanting to spend time with her friends, knowing that i've been busy with school. I've pretty much been so frustrated and selfish about it that I kind of turned her off, and annoyed her to the point where she said she needed space to "miss me" since we're so accustomed to seeing each other everyday. She basically said, "i'm probably annoyed by you because i don't have time to 'miss you' anymore since I see you almost everyday." We're still on good terms, meaning we still go to the gym together, but we decided to not go together everyday, but more like once or twice a week now. We still text each other, but I TRY to give her space and not next her as much. She told me not to worry and to stop overthinking things, as well as to trust her. I really love this girl and I don't want to mess things up, but how do I give her the space she needs and how do I keep my mind occupied by not worrying what she is doing while I'm in school. We've been doing so much together since we've dated that with school being my priority now we don't see each other as often and I worry about what she is doing sometimes.

[Fun Boater 1]

Give her the space she is requesting. You must respect her wanting that. If you don't, you risk her terminating the relationship entirely. Stop worrying about her spending time with her friends. Her desire to to do that has nothing to do with you. So back off, give her her space, and when you and her do make plans, take her out on specific "date" type of activities. QUALITY time, not quantity. Again, if you don't give her this space, and if you persist in pushing her into devoting more time and attention to you, you will drive her away and risk losing her. As long as you keep your own anxiety in check, and as long as you trust her, then there is no reason the relationship can't continue and grow again. Just remember, the more you push her, the more you stand to lose her entirely. It's really that simple!

[Wiseman2]

You need to spend less time with each other and develop your own interests, activities and friends. Stop going to the gym together. Stop texting so much.

 

It sounds like you are in a rut and getting on each others' nerves. If you are telling her not to spend time with friends that's a huge no-no. What did she mean you need to trust her?

 

If you are acting clingy, possessive or jealous stop. That will drive this from 'space' to breakup.

The whole thing that lead to her wanting space was the result of me being so frustrated with her wanting to spend time with her friends. we still go to the gym together, but we decided to not go together everyday. We still text each other, but I TRY to give her space and not next her as much. She told me not to worry and to stop overthinking things, as well as to trust her.

[happyfrank]

Somebody that is selfish and all about themselves is not somebody I could deal with.

 

You seem to want something more. I don't think this is the type of girl for you. You need somebody more adventurous.

A girl that embraces being spontaneous.

 

Good luck.

[vmaypa]

When she told me to trust her, it was over spring break last week when she went to the club with her girlfriend for the very first time. She's 24 years old, and was brought up in a strict asian-household so both her and her friend are alike, except my girl doesn't drink as often and has never been to the club. They're both honest, open, and respectful. I basically was so insecure about her going to the club because initially it was going to be only her and her girlfriend going to the club. The night before the club she told me that her girlfriend could get them into the club through her cousin (a guy) who came into town that night for a friend's (who is a girl) birthday. This got me a little upset because at first my gf told me it was going to be with just her girlfriend, but then a guy came into the picture with his friends (possibly guys/girls). So basically during spring break when I had absolutely nothing to keep my mind occupied, we had a little argument over her going to the club with a guy as well as her spending so much time with her friends. I was a really selfish over spring break even though she was working because I finally had time to spend with her, but I really didn't get that chance. Instead her friends took up most of the time, and I was only available to see her once, other than to gym with her a few days during spring break.

[vmaypa]

It's not that I want her all to my self. I'm basically in nursing school, so most of my time is spent looking at my books and reviewing. I rarely have time to spend time with my girlfriend let alone with family. I'm just worried that because I'm preoccupied with school, and because it's my priority to better my future I will lose her as a result of this. The semester is almost done and I've been really stressed out and I've started to notice that my girlfriend isn't spending as much time with me because of this, and that's understandable like I said. By no means am I trying to be selfish with her at all, it's just that when i'm randomly free and want to plan something, her friends have already taken up her time. My girlfriend is very loyal to her friends as well, and usually doesn't like to blow them off if they already made plans.

[Wiseman2]

The tighter you pull the reins the more likely they are to break.

[vmaypa]

i hate this feeling! i know we're not broken up, but I'm hurting like it's a break-up. someone kill me...

[catfeeder]

how do I keep my mind occupied by not worrying what she is doing while I'm in school.

 

Find interests and friends of your own. Being needy and insecure while expecting one person to be your lifeline is a real turnoff. And why do you wonder what she's doing when you're in school? Don't you trust her?