Warning signs or just a real connection with a real person?

[monkeyFlower]

I met "Ben" almost a month ago and we had a great connection from the beginning. We have good chemistry both physical and conversational. We talk for hours every time we are together and quickly moved beyond small talk to share important things about our lives. He has been very open with me in sharing stories from his past, including things that some people (including my mother) would not approve of (nothing criminal). He seems to be carrying around quite a few wounds, including from childhood. With his openness, I feel safe sharing my wounds, especially those from my marriage, now about 2 years in the past. As of earlier this week, we are officially "an item" and are starting to make short-term plans together, talking a few weeks in advance about things that we might do together. He makes me feel safe, cared about, and sexy.

 

I'm happy but worried. I spent years in a bad marriage with someone that my parents didn't like, but I ignored their advice. Are the things that I know about "Ben" that I couldn't tell my parents warning signs that I might be making another mistake? Is he different from others mostly for his unusual level of honesty, sharing the types of wounds that we all carry but are afraid to share? We are both 45-50 and single, so I would expect a certain amount of baggage.

 

I wonder if I am ignoring warning signs of future trouble or worrying about nothing?

[ThatwasThen]

What actual red flags are you seeing him wave? None of what you have shared indicate that you need to run away from this guy.

[rosephase]

What are the things you are worried about?

 

Just because your parents didn't like your last partner and were right that he wasn't good for you, doesn't mean they are always right.

[katrina1980]

I think it would depend on what his 'past stories' consist of, you said nothing criminal so how bad could they be? We all carry 'wounds' from our childhood, some more than others I think the fact he feels safe enough to share with you is a good thing.

 

Don't be afraid of his vulnerability, it is not 'weak', or anything to be suspicious or afraid of, it is normal and healthy, embrace it don't find fault with it or shut it down. Be happy he trusts you enough to share and the hell with what your parents would think. They are not dating him, you are.

[monkeyFlower]

Some of the issues are different approaches to money (he hasn't always been responsible in the past), also he isn't serious about his work and I am. He seems to change jobs every few years, not that that is unusual around here. I'm inclined to think that at the place I am at in life: good job, financially secure, it will be OK. I'm not looking for someone to take of me. For example, I want someone to travel with, but have no problem paying my own way.

 

Also, maybe more concerning, he is critical of lot of things in his life: his parents, his job, the condo board... But I like how open and honest he is with me after only a few weeks. We both want the second half of our lives to be happier than the first half. Maybe we can find that together.