Hurting

[Itsaisling]

It's been 10 days. It still hurts as much as the first day. I want to see him. To make it all feel better. Just to talk to him. I can't stop thinking about him. The temptation to text him is unreal. I've never struggled this much in my whole life. When does it get easier? I need hope that we'll be together in the future

[Ery1988]

give yourself credit... you've done 10 days! that's amazing!

I cant get through a day without texting and making things worse

[gebaird]

I need hope that we'll be together in the future

 

It's normal to feel this way, especially after only 10 days. However, putting your hope in something that may not happen is simply a defense mechanism. It may be the only way you're able to make it through the day at the moment, but when you are able to realize that happiness without him is a possibility it will be a sign that you are beginning to accept your situation.

 

Give yourself time. Be kind to yourself. Trust that the upward turn will come.

[Itsaisling]

Ery1988 10 days since the breakup. 2/3 days no contact. It hurts. I really know how you feel. You want to text him to make it all feel better. All I can think is that if I text him I'm pushing him away. I don't want to do that. I'm giving it 30 days till we contact each other. Only 27 to go.

[Itsaisling]

Gebaird it's the only way I can make it through the day atm. It really is. I miss him so much. The thing is we didn't even fight or anything. It was because he needs time to figure himself out and wants to be single. I know we are young. I don't blame him for anything. He's my best friend.

[Ery1988]

watch brad browning videos on youtube.... x keeps me busy.

we saw each other last night...means nothing I guess.

[greta96]

All I can think is that if I text him I'm pushing him away..

 

See, you're already being smart and showing a high degree of maturity, because what you said couldn't be more true! Texting him will indeed push him even farther away, and it will only help you feel good for about a few seconds. Breaking NC at this point would accomplish nothing good, so try your best to stay away from the phone. I know how hard it is, been there quite a few times. But you owe it to yourself to stay strong and the second you feel tempted to pick up the phone, force yourself to do something else, talk to a friend, whatever.

It does get better as time goes by!

[IAmFCA]

give yourself credit... you've done 10 days! that's amazing!

I cant get through a day without texting and making things worse

 

Yes you can! You can do this! Can you go outside?

[Itsaisling]

Greta96 I really don't want to push him away. If we want to be friends in the future I cant. I really want to. I can't give that boy up. He means too much to me. The NC is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than any exam or anything I've ever done. Sometimes I really am so close to texting him and then I'm like no think of the future.

[Itsaisling]

I've probably watched all those popping pimple videos 😂 Do you think he'll forget me?

[TiredOfDating]

All I can think is that if I text him I'm pushing him away. I don't want to do that. I'm giving it 30 days till we contact each other.

 

this is accurate. I was clingy too in the first few days. never really gave him the space. and I could tell it was pushing him away. I went just under 30 days of NC before I reached out again. That conversation went so much better than any conversation we had early on. it was always very awkward/forced small talk in those early days. he hasn't reached out again though, and it's been over 2 weeks, so who knows.

 

hang in there. it gets better. it gets easier.

[Itsaisling]

Tiredofdating does it really get easier? I just feel empty inside atm. The no contact thing is draining me. It's the hardest thing ive ever done. I just wish he'd contact me but when he said we wouldn't contact each other for a while I know he'll stick to it. He's stubborn out. You know what, even though he broke up with me. I still can't help but love him.

[TiredOfDating]

Tiredofdating does it really get easier? I just feel empty inside atm. The no contact thing is draining me. It's the hardest thing ive ever done. I just wish he'd contact me but when he said we wouldn't contact each other for a while I know he'll stick to it. He's stubborn out. You know what, even though he broke up with me. I still can't help but love him.

 

I totally get it. Mine blindsided me with a break up in January...came out to my house, spent the night, acted like all was great, BAM next morning he told me he needed to be on his own. He was freshly separated and divorced, so most likely I was a rebound. which sucks. when we talked more that day via email, he said he changed his mind, he didn't want a clean break, let's just take time off.

 

but because I was so shocked by it, I didn't really give him space initially and it really backfired on me. we ended up meeting for dinner about a month after that and the first part of dinner was fine, but then he came back from the bathroom like a different person. telling me he didn't see me in his future, etc. We had JUST talked a few days before that and I told him if he didn't want the break, tell me. He said, yes, it was smart to take the break. and then I point blank asked him if I should hang in and wait for him to sort things out or let him go, and he said "I hope you hang in longer". So I was rather mad that all of a sudden he said he didn't see me in his future. why not tell me that 4 days before? why drag it out?

 

So I told him I was done, and then he cried and acted all shocked. we argued that weekend via email and I told him he needed to quit seeking out the drama he had with his ex wife in his future relationships and that he screwed up a really good thing, which he agreed.

 

that first month between the initial break up and the dinner was the hardest. I felt better once I ended it that night. My anger got me through the first week or so. then I went through all the phases over and over.

 

I still have the hopes we'll get back together when he feels he's dealt with the fall out of his marriage. but I'm not sad anymore. I do still get angry on occasion though. I don't spend every night thinking about him or crying like I used to. I don't lay awake rehashing every text conversation or email, and wondering what I did wrong or what I could have done better.

 

This forum will tell those going through this that breaks don't work, etc, but I've heard many stories in real life that prove otherwise. sometimes people do really just need a break and have that time to themselves to sort things out. The best thing to remember is...give them the space they ask for, and give them the time and space and opportunity to miss you. The last conversation I had with him, which was about a month after that dinner, and he said he thinks about me a lot. But if I were to keep bugging him, it wouldn't put me in a favorable position. He'd associate his thoughts of me as negative.

[boltnrun]

In order for him to miss you, you have to NOT be around. And that means no contact.

 

If he doesn't see what it's like to not have you in his life, he'll never feel regret for losing you. And he needs to realize this, which he can't do if you keep contacting him.

 

This doesn't guarantee he WILL want you back, but how will either of you know if you keep texting him?

 

Does this make sense?

[Itsaisling]

In order for him to miss you, you have to NOT be around. And that means no contact.

 

If he doesn't see what it's like to not have you in his life, he'll never feel regret for losing you. And he needs to realize this, which he can't do if you keep contacting him.

 

This doesn't guarantee he WILL want you back, but how will either of you know if you keep texting him?

 

Does this make sense?

 

This makes absolute sense to me. That's what I'm doing atm. We haven't seen each other since the breakup which was 10 days ago. We had been texting on and off but was only one or two messages. Sunday we initiated no contact. I know it's been 3 days but it still feels like forever. I know by contacting him I'm pushing him away. If I want a friendship at the end of this no contact will have to happen

[TiredOfDating]

just take it one day at a time. this is when the advice you get here will be invaluable. Go out with friends, find a new hobby, rediscover an old hobby, throw yourself into work/school, join a gym. Allow yourself a little time every few days to acknowledge your emotions. don't bottle them up, but don't let them control your life.

[Itsaisling]

Tiredofdating that's all I'm doing atm.. Taking it day by day. All im trying to think is of the future with him. We didn't end up on a bad note or anything. He doesn't hate me so at least that. Maybe it will all work out

[Waraqqa]

Yes. Sometimes it is good to release things, definitely don't suppress what you feel - just don't release it to HIM! I remember once I felt such an urge in a similar situation, I stayed home all day, for several hours just rolled in my bed like a drug addict going through withdrawal. But I endured and stayed away from my phone. Then I could look back at that time and feel I did the right thing. And that person had respect for me for that. And I had my self-respect and satisfaction.

 

In contrast, in my last break-up, I just couldn't let go and gave in to those urges. And they never get satisfied - like with a drug, you'd feel a bit better and sigh, but then you feel even worse, and need another dose. So I got needy. - In the end, that's what pushed him away. Had I stayed strong, he might've retained his feelings for me - or at least, I would've retained some dignity and better memories in his head.

 

So, stay strong and be wise. Shout, roll around in grass, act crazy, do whatever you have to do, go scream in the mountains - just stay away from that phone. Acknowledge and observe your emotions - just don't go with them.

[Itsaisling]

Yes. Sometimes it is good to release things, definitely don't suppress what you feel - just don't release it to HIM! I remember once I felt such an urge in a similar situation, I stayed home all day, for several hours just rolled in my bed like a drug addict going through withdrawal. But I endured and stayed away from my phone. Then I could look back at that time and feel I did the right thing. And that person had respect for me for that. And I had my self-respect and satisfaction.

 

In contrast, in my last break-up, I just couldn't let go and gave in to those urges. And they never get satisfied - like with a drug, you'd feel a bit better and sigh, but then you feel even worse, and need another dose. So I got needy. - In the end, that's what pushed him away. Had I stayed strong, he might've retained his feelings for me - or at least, I would've retained some dignity and better memories in his head.

 

So, stay strong and be wise. Shout, roll around in grass, act crazy, do whatever you have to do, go scream in the mountains - just stay away from that phone. Acknowledge and observe your emotions - just don't go with them.

 

I'm doing all I can to not text him. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and I've done some pretty hard things. All I want is for him to contact me but he's pretty stubborn. He'll stick it out. Do you think it possible to be friends?

[KMO7970]

The first few days of NC are, without a doubt, the hardest. It WILL get easier!

[Annia]

Greta96 I really don't want to push him away. If we want to be friends in the future I cant. I really want to. I can't give that boy up. He means too much to me. The NC is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than any exam or anything I've ever done. Sometimes I really am so close to texting him and then I'm like no think of the future.

 

Would you be able to be friends with him and him telling you about other girls and going out with them?

 

Why did you break up? How long was the relationship?

 

In order to move on you need to lose hope in reconciliation. That hope might be soothing, but it will only delay your progress. Give yourself some time to cry and grief the relationship, to eat those chocolates/ice cream and feel bad for yourself. But after that it's time to take a look at what happened, how the relationship and the person really were and to start hanging out more with friends and family and pursuing hobbies and activities.

 

Good luck.

[Ery1988]

how is it going?

[Waraqqa]

I'm doing all I can to not text him. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and I've done some pretty hard things. All I want is for him to contact me but he's pretty stubborn. He'll stick it out. Do you think it possible to be friends?

 

Eventually, it may be possible to be friends. Perhaps later, when it all calms down, depending on how you both feel. It's not like you had some kind of animosity or anything. BUT NOT NOW. Now he asked for space, and if you break NC, it's like not respecting his wishes. If you want to be good friends down the road and have his respect, you should give him the space he asked for. Now you have to be within yourself, and/or with other people.

 

It will get better, the beginning is the hardest part. Also, take care of yourself and remember your value. You know you are worth a lot, and you don't need to run after a boy who's turned away. Turn on some pride also. Who is he for you to run after? Yes, you love him, but you are a great gal he'd be lucky to have, let's not forget that. Anyone who doesn't want you, doesn't even deserve you, no matter how much you love them.

[Itsaisling]

Eventually, it may be possible to be friends. Perhaps later, when it all calms down, depending on how you both feel. It's not like you had some kind of animosity or anything. BUT NOT NOW. Now he asked for space, and if you break NC, it's like not respecting his wishes. If you want to be good friends down the road and have his respect, you should give him the space he asked for. Now you have to be within yourself, and/or with other people.

 

It will get better, the beginning is the hardest part. Also, take care of yourself and remember your value. You know you are worth a lot, and you don't need to run after a boy who's turned away. Turn on some pride also. Who is he for you to run after? Yes, you love him, but you are a great gal he'd be lucky to have, let's not forget that. Anyone who doesn't want you, doesn't even deserve you, no matter how much you love them.

 

Yeah I don't want to push him away. But I just had a really exciting experience today and it just made me really sad that I couldn't experience it with him. He's been there for everything. Yeah he deserves him space. I'll give it to him but it still hurts to know that we can't talk yet. It's been 11 days since we broke up. Today's been my best. I'm up and just trying to focus on different things to keep me occupied. I really do miss him. We will be friends. But everything is still raw atm. Hopefully in a few weeks we can talk again.

[Itsaisling]

Ery1988 thank you so much for asking. It's nice to know someone cares. Today's been my best day. Been up and doing stuff. Had an exciting day but just made me sad that I couldn't experience it with him