exclusiveX Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 I've been on a roller coaster ride of a relationship for 1 year and 10 months. I met him at 17. He was 18. It has never been all good for us. From the very beginning there's been problems because he's an up and coming rapper in the industry. There has always been so many girls and always so much opportunity around him. But I've always been the person in his life. That supported him. Loved him. Picked him up when he fell and did everything to make him happy. I in turn got about 25% of that in return. I always kept money and a job. He couldn't keep a job. He couldn't hold on to money. So most of the time i supported him. I paid for everything I did everything. To the point my parents thought he was using me. To the point i would get overwhelmed when he needed more and more. (Please don't judge). I understood he came from a very hard place in life and I kind of had it made with my parents. So it was easy for me and I felt like he needed help and I was there. I was always like that to him. I feel like he never really was ready or wanted the type of relationship I wanted. I wanted a very loving mutual. Giving. LOVING relationship. He on the other hand always wanted space wanted to talk to me when he felt like it then would break up with me after we had fights or when things got hard and talk to other girls. He would also break up with me when he wanted to do things he knew I wouldn't approve of. Im venting this and righting it down because I have to at least be truthful with myself about the signs that I saw. That's is not to say we didn't have great times together because we did. I've never felt so loved by someone and so discarded at the same time... it's been a very emotional roller coaster that I want to get off. I really want off. But I do love him he's done so much to me. Lying , cheating, completely disregarding how I feel. But I still love him. & a part of me feels so dumb for loving him and hoping that he will get it together one day. No matter what I do though. I can't shake the feeling that he's the person I'm meant to be with and I feel horrible for feeling that way because I KNOW I deserve better. Today I finally told him I was done. I caught him on FaceTime with another girl in the middle of the night. And I just told him it was over that was it. But I don't mean it. I don't want this to be it for us. But I WANT to want to get over him and be done. I just can't shake the hope and it kills me. But tomorrow will be day one of no contact and day two of my healing and trying to push myself to move on. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 It sounds like you have good insight and good instincts. Agree while it was fun and there were good times, it's time to get off this roller coaster. Your parents did have a point.You don't have to buy love and when you make a guy your project, it will push him away. Make sure relationships are partnerships, never be a groupie/fan when you want to be a gf. Link to comment
LightWave93 Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 Stick to no-contact. You'll be fine eventually; might take weeks, months, maybe a year or two. Just...give it time. Link to comment
exclusiveX Posted March 18, 2017 Author Share Posted March 18, 2017 It sounds like you have good insight and good instincts. Agree while it was fun and there were good times, it's time to get off this roller coaster. Your parents did have a point.You don't have to buy love and when you make a guy your project, it will push him away. Make sure relationships are partnerships, never be a groupie/fan when you want to be a gf. I definitely agree with that. & I never was a groupie or fan I was always his girlfriend but sometimes I felt as if I needed that same attention from him and he was used to getting all the attention not showing it. He had performances last night and I just seen all the girls all over him and again it made me feel so horrible because I knew he was doing it on purpose because I broke up with him. So I texted him. MAD. and yelled but he acted like he didn't care and basically tells me the problems that I have with him I'll have in my next relationship as well, because we are so young, so why bother? Why not just stay with him. And I really couldn't believe the arrogance. I really don't want to believe that every 20 year old guy is this way. I don't think every guy is like this. He just lets the fame and the attention get to his head. While I'm thinking if they only knew the real you.... there's no way they would be so willing to jump into bed. But you are definitely right. I didn't see it as buying him but just trying to help because we were in a relationship but he definitely used it to his advantage. He definitely took everything for granted. I hope I can heal. I really do. And move on. & I hope he gets it together one day. & I also hope I can lose the hope of wanting him to get it together for me. Link to comment
exclusiveX Posted March 18, 2017 Author Share Posted March 18, 2017 Stick to no-contact. You'll be fine eventually; might take weeks, months, maybe a year or two. Just...give it time. I really wish I could skip over to a year and just be done with it lol. I'm ready to lose hope and I'm ready to move on and heal. Link to comment
exclusiveX Posted March 18, 2017 Author Share Posted March 18, 2017 Today, after telling him I was done last night. I wake up to see he's posted girls all over his instagram all over his snapchat. & talking about girls and getting numbers on Facebook. It hurt. It really really hurt. I knew he was doing it on purpose to in a way get back at me for breaking up with him. But it didn't even change the fact that it hurt.. it just made it worse. I promise I used to be so secure in myself and in our relationship. But it seems like when he does things like this. It makes me feel so little about myself. It makes me feel like hope is lost because I don't know why he does these things to me. Sometimes I'll feel like I'm not pretty enough and I'm not good enough and that it's me. But I know it's not me. It's him. All these things he does to me. Are things he's choosing to do. This is him. But it just hurts like hell to be on the other end of it. It truly makes me feel like I'm nothing special or I can be easily discarded. And the thing is. Every time I leave him. Every time I really want to walk away. He will go crazy. Text me like crazy call me like crazy. Have his mom call me. Have his cousin call me. I'll get to exactly 21 days of NC. & at that 21 days. I'll reply. Because I'll feel bad to have ignored him. And right after that. He will probably do right for like a week until he's back on the same things. And his excuse is that he's not doing anything. I'm tripping. I need to chill. & i just ask god to give me the strength to finally ignore him when I move on. To maybe even block him. I need something to give. Because I'm so tired of being tired and sad all the time. Link to comment
exclusiveX Posted March 19, 2017 Author Share Posted March 19, 2017 Feeling so so much better after just praying on it. And talking to god. But of course I have a long way to go. Link to comment
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