Can't let go.

[robin13]

I am totally in love with my ex. She refuses to give me closure and I just can't seem to take it. She hasn't blocked me on messenger or told me to stop speaking to her. She just ignores me messages and is dry. It's so hurtful. She said she doesn't want a relationship, when I asked her about trying after she finishes uni she didn't reply. She has never ever acted like this before. I haven't tried no contact. I duno what to do. She is the love of my life. I really was horrible to her near the end, but she knows I have changed. what should I do to forget about her? How can I let myself move on when she keeps refusing to tell me what she wants me to do, (as in move on it be there for her.) I asked her to meet on Saturday and she thinks I just want to have sex with her, I told her we can meet in a cafe then so she knows I don't and she just didn't reply. We were together for 4 years. Do you guys think space is the best thing? It's been almost 5 weeks since we ended

[Wiseman2]

Breaking up IS "closure". Yes, stop pestering her. If you 'were really was horrible to her near the end', you must give her space to forgive and miss you.

 

You are smothering and stalking so you haven't changed at all. And from your annoying contact she can see that. Pull yourself together and work on yourself, get in shape, get interested in things.

She refuses to give me closure. She said she doesn't want a relationship. I

[Doc Blaze]

you are smothering her even more. at this point nothing you will say or do will change her mind.

[gebaird]

Yes, I'd definitely back way off. Closure is something you give yourself by deciding to accept the situation, heal and move on. It's not something you get from your ex. Why are you waiting for her to "tell you to move on or be there for her"? Her actions clearly indicate that she's done with the relationship. How about telling yourself to move on?

[ChilliRed2013]

Can't let go? Yes you can, and you will eventually.

Refusing to let go? This is the case. Nobody can fault you for this initial refusal either!

After the end of a 4yr relationship... removal of the person who played a main part of your existence for almost one quarter of your life... Of course you're going to be feeling the loss. Loss Sucks. Loss happens. Don't feel bad for feeling sad and missing her presence. It's a Grief thing - Google "Grief" and follow the breadcrumbs.

 

Try to gain some semblance of control over your thoughts and actions during this time of personal turmoil - not for her benefit(because *harsh fact* she is no longer a part of your life for the forseeable future), but for your own strength and peace of mind.

 

Some hard questions to answer for yourself:

Is continued contact causing more harm?

Can true and lasting "change" happen in 5 weeks?

Do you want the best in life for yourself and herself as individuals?

[No1]

Breaks ups are mindsets... Replace the word "Cant" with "Havent" .. so now you say "I Havent let her go"

 

You have too much going on up in that brain of yours and ignoring what is in front of you. You are using the excuse of "closure" to continue to contact her. You feel by using the "closure" line you are justifying your actions. Listen to yourself "She refuses to give me closure and I cant take it" Its not about closure, its about you keeping the lines of communication open.

 

As I said before, you don't correct mistakes by going into the past. You correct mistakes now and don't make them in the future. Its like getting fired from a job. You don't ask to get rehired to show that you wont make the same mistake again. You go out and get another job and you don't make that same mistake.

 

Quit using closure as an excuse. Its over, she doesn't want to be with you. If you say you have changed, then prove it. Quit bothering her.