A month in; how long until the next step?

[Mr Joe]

I have been seeing a young lady for about a month now. I (31/m) met a student here on a visa (29/f). Between school and work she has a busy schedule, but thankfully her campus is across the street from my office; so we will often spend our lunch breaks together. We have our date nights, and I am genuinely intrigued by her and would like to spend more time with her. The feeling in mutual; she calls me often out of the blue and asks me to join her in her school activities.

 

However, this has been going on for a month now. I have always said I don't need sex in a relationship to be happy; but oh man am I eating crow. She wants to herself, she brings it up often, but says when she is ready. I have kept things very gentlemanly and have not been aggresive as she has told me how she has been turned off by dating in the past as other guys only wanted to sleep with her.

 

She's told me she appreciates how I have been so kind to her, but now I am starting to worry. It's been a month, and nothing has really happened outside of some heavy making out. I am thinking going more aggressive on the next date, because frankly, I am starting to worry a bit if something is up. Or should I talk to her first? I am not sure and I am wracked with questions.

[IAmFCA]

After a month? You are doing fine. I wouldn't have sex with you after a month either. Relax. She is making out with you, clearly desires you, and appreciates you. Wait until your ability to appreciate and trust each other is what inspires the physical expression. Resist the temptation of using sex as affirmation that she likes you. It gives a false sense of security and is an unreliable indicator.

 

What you described is much better: good communication, mutual respect, sharing of time tbat is highly valued.

 

Trust in the process.

[Wiseman2]

Have you started to act like a bf and talked about exclusive dating? That's the first step before sex. Also what about romantic dates?

going on for a month now. It's been a month, and nothing has really happened outside of some heavy making out.

[Mr Joe]

Have you started to act like a bf and talked about exclusive dating? That's the first step before sex. Also what about romantic dates?

 

Briefly talked about exclusivity; she mentioned meeting her mom and she asked if I had talked to my friends about her yet (I have not due to having the flu last week).

 

We have done the romantic dates, but with her schedule it is difficult she is very dedicated to getting herself another degree. She also is an extremely passionate artist, so I like to give her space on Saturday's so she can focus in her studio and make Sunday our "date night" while we make time to see each other throughout the week.

 

Equally so, I am also concerned over the fact that she is possibly waiting on me to make the first move.

[Wiseman2]

Yes. Tell her you are interested in dating only her. Make it a concrete statement. And yes, step up and get out of the friendzone.

Briefly talked about exclusivity. Sunday our "date night" while we make time to see each other throughout the week. Equally so, I am also concerned over the fact that she is possibly waiting on me to make the first move.

[WithLove]

Don't meet the mom with someone you haven't slept with yet.

 

Definitely mention that you aren't and are not interested in dating someone else. You don't have to put any other label than that yet at this early stage.

 

If she stated that she likes you respecting her boundaries, continue to do so. You will know when she is ready.