Socializing and Friend problems

[tucynose]

Hi. I'm a high schooler and I need some help-- I really need some advice, I have good friends at school, but some times I feel left out, especailly when they ditch me like tonight.

 

First, let me give you some backstory.

 

I've suffered with Depression for awhile until about a year and a half ago when I started Zoloft. Before, I had friends but was shy. Then, i completely drew myself into a shell. For nearly a year, I had no social contact other than school. Then, I started taking Zoloft and feeling more comfortable, and I met my first friend in class.

 

It felt really cool to hang out with people that i liked and had fun with. The only thing was I"m a junior and their sophomores. I was never a popular kid at all, and they're all fairly well known kids, but a year younger. I feel kind of dumb. Also, I always ask myself--do they like me?

 

It just so happens that one of my best friends lives next door to me. When I see my other friend's cars over their, it really hurts me that he didn't ask me to come over. I feel left out. And I question if I my neighbor likes me, but then he'll call me and ask me to do something.

 

Lately, I've been feeling as if they don't like me. My best group of friends seems to be excluding me. They won't anwser my phone calls from my cell. We were fine in 6th period together.Tonight, I was ingnored by my other best friend several times. I talked to him after his hockey practice at like 6:30 and told hiim to come over. he said OK--then didn't come. About an hour later I called and didn't anwser twice. So, then I called from my house phone and he anwsered and had a bunch of my other friends over there. I was really hurt. The pain is excrutating. I remember what it was like to spend the weekends alone in my house before I had friends and how much I enjoy just hanging out with them. I'm really hurt and kind of angry.

 

Is it me. I don't act differently than who I am around them--good sense of humor, kind of quiet. I feel left out and very hurt. Why don't they anwser my calls.

 

I hate being left out because I hate what it feels like to have no one know you. What should I do What can I do.

 

Any advice is welcomed (thanks for reading, i know it was a book lol)

[Jecto]

I think if your friends are excluding you and dissing you like that, then they are the ones who don't deserve to be your friends, and you should maybe just move on and find new friends. That's what high school's for, in that friends come and go.[/i]

[playfull06]

Your post was not a book, just long but what forum isn't long at times. With your friends I know the feeling. I have been there. Maybe try and make new friends, expand your relationships. The friends you are with now do not see how good a friend they have and that is not what you need. You need to find people who will appreciate you and will WANT to hang out with you. If you want to keep your friends you have now the I say talk to them, if you are comfortable with it.

[tucynose]

thanks

 

The problem with making new friends is that i'm kind of shy. I make a tone of 'aquaintances' people I say 'what up' to into the halls, but don't really ask to hang out with.

 

Another problem is that I have a hard time standing up for myself to my peers. When they say something to me or about me, I usually don't say or do much back.

 

My junior year (the year that i began to hang out with friends) has really been the happiest year of my life. It's just now they seem to be acting different, like i alluded to earlier. Also, at school every thing is normal--cracking jokes, talking etc...but then tonight, and other times it's not. Tonight is one of the first nights in awhile that i've been totally alone, but my group of 'best' (or so i thought?) friends haven't been around me these last couple of weekends, so I've hung out with my 'second' group.

 

PLus, when I'm with people who are ignoring a certain person when they call, I try to encourage them to have them hang out with us or at least pick up the phone cause I know how bad staying alone hurts.

 

I should clarify a bit--my next door neighbor is not the one who dithced me tonight--he answered each and every one of my calls tonight he just had some stuff to work on (he's into refurbishing cars) and he is the one who sticks up for me when people say stuff to me. He says "He hates when people make fun of me" etc.

 

A lot of times, I'd like to talk or say stuff to people, but I'm just too shy. I should just leave them a message, like my neighbor did last weekend, telling them that they're being 'a**holes' but i probably won't, because i'm to shy and still value their friendship.

 

Thanks again for reading and helping

[MetallicAguy]

Yeah, I hate this same thing. I have the same problem. I'll make friends with popular kids, then like after they get to know me for 3 weeks or a month they'll like ignore me, I'm not popular, I'm in the "middle" if you understand that. It's like they think I'm a loser because I'm not in there crowd See the thing is though with my problem is that I'm just like them in everyway, sports and everything but I'm not in their social group so that makes my friendship with them nothing? People can be incredibly stupid these days.....

[rainbow]

Okay. I had that problem at high school. My friends always left me out. We were fine in school, but outside they would hang out without me. Now I'm at uni looking back I can see they really werent my friends, but more liek acenticies. You need to find a group of friends. Real friends. Friends that you will hang out outside and inside school. I didnt manage to do it at school. I managed to make some really good mates from different friendship groups but I never belonged to a group. However, when I went to uni i promised myself I would'nt make the same mistake again. I did'nt I have a brilliant group of mates. Listen I know your shy. I'm not shy, quite outgoing really, but I have the problem that I dont let people close. So I can meet and aquient myself easily, but I wont let them close, so they treat me like your supposed friends are treating you. My friends at uni wer epeople I instantly felt I could open up to. Go and find some people that understand and willa ccept your shyness. Its had but it will be worth it in the end. Dont be afraid to be your own company either. I was alone most of the time too even tho I knew loads of people. Why because I knew them but I was'nt part of their group. School is groupy you got to belong to a group. Just stay friends with them. Dont phone them loads, thats suffocating, desperate. Wait for them to come to you. Fill your spare time with school work (thats what I did and now I'm the best uni in the country was worth it), joinsomething you enjoy where you'll meet people (I joined the gym). My best friends are people who did'nt go to my school, who were in younger years - I met cassie in church, emma at camp and claire on the train. Were still friends despite me studying at the other end of the country. The other friends (like your friends) I have seen since end of exams - a year ago. Do you get my point? I dont know if I'm explaining myself to well. Dont rely on other people to make you happy and to fill your time, you make yourself happy and you fill it with people who want to spend time with you, with things you want to do. Be confident. Your a wonderful person who people should be fighting to spend tiem with, you should'nt be fighting to spend time with them. I know how you feel. I've been there. Chin up yeah! Look at the book I've written!

[andy8]

hi school was the same i was seen as the funny kid but still had no mates to hang with i am still like that now out of school

[fackatos]

then why dont you go and talk to your guy next door?I mean isolate all the rest man in the world you just need 3-5 people maximum to survive and have somebody you can count on...be more confident in your life and dont be afraid to express your opinion...dont let people dereogate you like that...you seem a good kid who all wants is to people to notice him and his character....never quit man and I suggest you start haning out with girls trust me once you talk to them they wont leave you and ignore you like boys usually do