just a summer fling story

[redpages]

So I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting this here. Maybe it's just helps to vent! But your input, positive or critical is appreciated

 

I spent this summer living on campus for a two month program with a bunch of people from universities all around Australia. Within the first two weeks I discovered I had a lot of chemistry with one of the guys and it became very apparent that he felt a similar attraction. We very quickly became close and I thoroughly enjoyed his pursuit. He'd visit my rooms and we'd just chat about things; about ourselves, our lives, our hobbies, what we do, funny little anecdotes. I was delighted by the similarity in our characters and gradually found myself caring for him a great deal.

 

Until him, I've never met a guy I liked enough to actually get physical with. I've always had trouble finding any guy I was attracted enough to, to do that. But with him, I felt uncannily drawn to him, and he had earned my trust after a few weeks. I live by the philosophy of living in the moment, and for the one moment (and many more afterwards) I chose to enjoy it to the fullest. He really made me feel loved, and this became one of the more significant moments of my life.

 

Now here's the catch. He lives in a city 8 hours drive away, and after two months time he would have to go back home and complete his studies. Eventually he plans to move to my city... after about three more years of study. About a week into whatever we had going I couldn't help but ask him if he saw this as "just a summer thing"... and he did. Which crushed me.

It made sense though, how could I ask for anything remotely relationship-like with a guy I just met, who I would be apart from for years at a time? Why ask someone to commit so much to something that's honestly really quite emotionally taxing after such a short time? So I had a decision to make. And I chose to enjoy the present, and make the most of our short time together. I took full responsibility of how I would feel when he inevitably returned home.

 

A few weeks after that and things kind of accelerated. We never touched the topic about "what we were" again (I didn't want to initiate it again at least) and we wound up moving into each others rooms. Chatting, cuddling, watching movies, *ahem* other stuff. It felt like the relationship I never had.

 

Inevitably the two months were up and he went back home. I was expecting him to disappear altogether (like he had during a brief ten day break during the early periods of the program) but he messaged me, and we got into the habit of snapchatting. And I grew happily used to this form of contact- only to just maintain the contact... until better times came along (such as him eventually moving here).

 

Problem is, I felt myself growing insecure. As life got busier I still found the time to put in the effort, but evidently he had not. My mind started coming up with explanations, and reading into various behaviours and speculating what it all means. My moods started swinging with the amount of interactions I was getting from him, and I was really beginning to resent that. "Why doesn't he respond to my snaps like he did before?" "Why doesn't he message?" "why are his responses so half-arsed?!" "at the end of the day is he just some boy with good manners and actually fooled me into thinking me liked me?!" "he likes me, but not that much..." I know I had no right to think these things so demandingly.. I had no expectations of him... but I also had developed hopes... and these caused me to be taunted by these trivialities.

 

The way I see things now- I wish to maintain this link with him as friends, which is the only maintainable level of relationship given the distance. But this requires me taking a few steps back so that my mind stops obsessing over him and focus purely on what's in front of me... in the present.. and not some made up future. Maybe one day we will living under circumstances where we can actually be together in person, but until that happens, I guess I have to work on doing myself a favour and distancing my feelings to match our physical distance...

 

Life sucks eh?

[Jokerface120]

I had the same issue once. A 2 year long distance relationship with my girlfriend in Turkey (I live in Belgium). She broke up because it was too hard but I was obsessed with her and I would do anything possible to maintain the relationship. But the distance made it too difficult. I visit Turkey 2 times a year and the whole summer vacation. But when I go back to Belgium, it feels like getting tortured... That year I couldn't live with myself and I was getting depressed, that pain I felt was unhuman... Anyway I had to do something about it so I gave up on us and told her that. And believe me, it was the best thing to do. You should do the same. Just go on with your life like I had to do, even tho I still want her as my future girlfriend. I thought I could never fall inlove with someone else, but that's bull...I already have a new girlfriend...

 

I really think you should block him or make sure he doesn't cross your mind anymore. If it's ment to be, he will call you or send you a message in any way. If not, live goes on...

 

I hope this helped you. Maybe check my forum on this site wich I posted half an hour ago: something happened during sex.... and help me out because you are a girl and maybe understand my issue I'm dealing with...

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like a wonderful experience. Stay in touch but move forward with your respective lives. Stay with your "live in the moment" creed.