Tired of false promises and giving my best but never receveing

[Lovelavie]

I'm 23 and to this day I cannot say I had a succesful relationship, and not in the sense that it lasted forever, but more in the sense that both people tried their best but it didn't work out. I'm the type of person that will stick together through thick and thin and will do anything to be with them, I never make excuses to break up nor do I keep trying to find reasons to leave, I always try to make the best out of the situation. In my last relationship, I helped my ex through really hard times and never once thought of leaving him, and in the end, when I needed him the most, he left me without hesitating. Two weeks later he was already with someone else, as if I hadn't even existed in his life.

 

This has happened to me for as long as I can remember. Me being persistant, being a friend, a shoulder to cry on and when it comes to understanding my needs and fighting for me, they simply leave... no matter if it has been 3 weeks or 3 years. I'm not feeling sorry for myself or anything, I'm just trying to understand. If when the right person comes along they'll do anything to never lose me, than have I been the "right one" to all these guys? Because I'd go through hell and back before thinking about breaking up, all relationships have problems and if I were to give up on the first problem it would just not be worth starting one at all.

 

I feel like I always do so much, recently I met a guy and we both fell in love, he made promises, said he wanted to be with me and I said I didn't wanna get involved because I would get hurt. He said he'd never hurt me, and there was I, putting up with things he did and forgiving and understanding, and the one time he needed to be understanding with me, he chose to leave, because he didn't want "problems".

 

I'm coming to the conclusion that fighting for relationships is lame and what's cool is to break up with the person on the first opportunity you have. I have seen my parents fight over so many things, have actual real reasons to break up and they are still together for 26 years because both of them never gave up on each other. I have seen other relationships from friends that are together for 7, 10, 15 years who have been through serious problems and never left each other. In my relationships I'm always the one who never gives up and ends up alone... I always end up hearing: relationships are too hard instead of: relationships are hard but I love you and we'll work this out... I'm getting tired of this happening over and over again, every time it happens I just feel stupid and dumb to have trusted the other person and done so much, but then I do it all over again because that's the way I thought you should handle relationships

[Wiseman2]

Dating is not a marriage. Marriage is a confirmed commitment after dating. Dating and even relationships are more of the getting to know you, do we fit? stages. At 23 you need your freedom to be single and date and have fun as well as discover yourself.

 

To tie oneself down to the wrong person is as big of a folly as giving up on everything. know when to cut your losses. The truth doesn't lie in the extremes. Early 20 something bfs are not committed for life like married couples. They date and try on things and learn...and so should you.

[gebaird]

Holding on and never letting go is great when you're with the right person who feels the same, but there's such a thing as too much loyalty. Sometimes relationships simply don't work, and it's best for them to end.

 

It feels like you give and give and give until you are exhausted and then you want to "cash in" on all that giving at some point and do some receiving for a change. But your partners aren't keeping score the way you are.

 

Relationships work wonderfully when each partner gives freely. The next time you find yourself in a situation where you are giving your time and energy to someone you love, do it without any expectation of reward or "payback."

[Ms Darcy]

Dating is not a marriage. Marriage is a confirmed commitment after dating. Dating and even relationships are more of the getting to know you, do we fit? stages. At 23 you need your freedom to be single and date and have fun as well as discover yourself.

 

To tie oneself down to the wrong person is as big of a folly as giving up on everything. know when to cut your losses. The truth doesn't lie in the extremes. Early 20 something bfs are not committed for life like married couples. They date and try on things and learn...and so should you.

 

Dating is NOT marriage. Exactly.

 

This is what so many of these young girls today do not understand. They wrap themselves up in their men, act like a matryr, and get surprised when their so-called men run away for a girl who is less needy and more independent.

 

I had to learn the hard way when I was younger that as long as you aren't independent and self-loving, a lasting relationship that can turn into marriage will keep slipping through your fingers.