Ask for closure or just delete? Warn before deleting?

[IsaacT]

To those of you who have responded before about this situation: I really appreciate your help and I don't mean to beat a dead horse. It's just that I'm in a situation where I'm living in a new location with almost no distractions and it's really been on my mind, and at this point I'm just really looking for the healthiest way to move forward.

 

I've been struggling with whether or not to ask my ex for closure or just delete without warning and move forward. It was an extremely manipulative relationship that ended with her lying repeatedly about hooking up with someone else during a 'break' and then telling me it was my fault we were breaking up for good because I was controlling and possessive in how I handled the situation.

 

We went three weeks NC and then I asked if we could talk about closure because I was having a hard time. She said yes but that it may take a while for her to find that time. That was a week ago and she hasn't responded.

 

I deleted all of our pictures on facebook because they were painful reminders but I'm worried she might think it's childish and petty. I don't know why I still care what she thinks. I feel like she "won" the breakup because I was the one left in tears asking for closure while she seems to be fine and unresponsive. Part of me is now tempted to just completely delete/block her, but the idea of completely cutting someone out with whom you shared so much of your life--especially when they feel sour or superior towards you because of the nature of the breakup--is difficult for me to accept.

 

Part of me feels like it would make moving on a lot easier for me if I could just have one last conversation to say "I know that things are over for good now but I've been having a hard time without closure. I just wanted to let you know that I think it would be best for my ability to move forward if we deleted each other for a while, but I don't mean it to be spiteful. I also didn't mean deleting our pictures to be spiteful. It just helped me move on. I wish you the best. etc."

 

At this point, my main concern is my health and moving forward, but there's a big part of me that still places my self-worth in what she thinks (even though there's no way I would ever want to be in the relationship again). Any advice is appreciated.

[abitbroken]

The Closure is that you are broken up. I could see needing closure if you didn't break up at all, and the person just disappeared into thin air and you just wanted to know what was up (did they mean to ditch you? were they on the run? Alive?). This was a definite breakup. I would block and delete. No contact means no contact. Contacting someone to affirm you are in no contact is meaningless contact.

[Birdie]

Just delete.

 

The thing about having 'one last conversation' is it's a cycle. You'll talk to her, maybe feel a little better and think you got "closure". Then in a few days/weeks the feeling of loss will come back and the desire to reach out to her 'one last time' will begin all over again.

 

In this day and age we all know that the number one advice after a break up is to move on and delete said person from social media. IF she notices (which truthfully, she might not) she'll know why without you explaining it to her.

 

This is one of the biggest steps in moving on. Just delete her and focus on you. She's not a part of your life anymore.

[Capricorn3]

I agree with both posters above. Just block and delete. Time to move on.

[pippy longstocking]

I deleted all of our pictures on facebook because they were painful reminders but I'm worried she might think it's childish and petty.

 

You have to learn not to give a sh1t ...by your own admission you are delicate and your self worth is based on her opinion ..this is someone who doesn't know if they have the time yet to give you closure even if you want it . I see it just setting you back if you seek it . So for once ..you take control of this ..it will do wonders for your self worth ...stop worrying if she thinks it is childish ...who cares honestly .... delete , block and walk forward knowing you have taken full control of your life and no longer depend on her opinion or her words .

[catfeeder]

Closure is an overrated invention used by those who want excuses to not let go.

 

You're in a new place--focus on building a new life there, and skip her.