25 days no contact and feel worse than ever

[Anon333]

I dont know if I have a question as much as I wanted to vent. I am so unbelievably depressed today I have neglected anything I should have done today and feel so trapped in this depression I dont know what to do. I had a therapy session yesterday. I just keep feeling like I feel worse.

 

The relationship ended after a long period of push and pull agony. I thought I would be at peace for not having to deal with those ups and downs....But his last text was that he needs to get help and hopes to be with me in the near future and he loves me very much. I cant help but to wonder if this is true or if he just was trying to keep me hanging on while he sees what else is out there. I imagine him already being with someone else. I think he was scared of commitment and didn't want to lose the option of seeing what else is out there. Its hard to understand when when he was with me he acted so in love and caring and attracted to me. If it weren't for him always pulling away and his uncertainty we would have had a beautiful relationship.

 

The only thing that makes me feel at peace at all is that if the relationship wasn't right for him than it wasn't right for me either. If he is happier with someone else than I wish him the best. I dont know if I will ever find someone I will love as much as him but I know eventually I can learn to be happy on my own. Those ore the only things I can be sure of. It is just so hard being left with this love we had for each other hanging in the air. Not knowing what he is thinking. It hurts so unbelievably bad today.

[SooSad33]

Am sorry you're feeling the pains today Yes.. loss does hurt.

And it'll come in waves... where it'll feel this badly.. but not forever. In time it'll ease.

 

How long together?

[sweetdesire]

I believe it's normal to think negative the way you are especially after a break-up. The what if's, the could haves, the would have been's but none of that matters if he's not willing to make it work. It will make you go crazy! A relationship is a 2 way street and will not work any other way. Its unfortunate we don't have more control over people and their actions/decisions. All we can do is respect their decisions and wish them all the best and never ever stop working on yourself and becoming a better you!

[Anon333]

thank you for responding. We were together 2 years. Even thought the last year was on and off it was the first time I could see myself with someone long term and truly felt in love and still am unfortunately. And Im no spring chicken....A friend just relayed to me tonight after i wrote this post that he told her he misses me and cant stop thinking of me. made my heart stop and the pain go away a little but it is more false hope. I know he really loved me but Im guessing not enough to put the effort into a real relationship....

[Anon333]

so very true and thank you for your response. I think the only thing that makes me feel at peace is to tell myself that I have no control over him and only over myself and it is up to him to figure his life and what he wants out and for me to do the same. Also try to do it with the reality that he will not be part of my future.....I just dont feel like its the end but Im afraid if it isnt it will be more pain and hurt.

[SooSad33]

He needs to get help? What for? And is this what caused the BU? ( Push & pull you said...?)

[Anon333]

he said he has unresolved issues from the the past...He was married for 10 years and had a damaged childhood. Any time our future or commitment came up he said he had this anxiety of feeling trapped or controlled and a fear of losing himself. When he rationalized it he knew I was supportive of him and his career and was not trying to change or control him.. But of course a relationship takes compromise and effort. Something I dont think he wanted to do. SO either he just wanted to be selfish and not have anyone to answer too or anything holding him back, or he had unreasonable fears of commitment. He was so torn because he really loved me and didn't want to lose me and yet had all these anxieties. I also wonder if he had the forever fear and gigs which goes along with commitment fear. Besides from that horribleness we got long beautifully and laughed a lot and rarely fought and had some of the most amazing memorable times together, and he knew it. Its been so difficult not knowing if it was something he could work on or fix or if his love for me just wasn't strong enough to want to be with me. Its all been so heartbreaking and its hard to move on.

[Anon333]

he did start therapy right around our break up so it shows he really did want to try a little at least to sort his confusion out. I just dont know if I would trust him coming back.

[SooSad33]

Yes... when your heart was in it, it is very hard to let go....

 

Sadly, this has come to an end

 

But- if he isn't mentally or emotionally well- in order to put into it.. then it's probably best you chose to move on.

 

One day at a time... just remember, you were okay before him... you'll be okay after him.

 

 

tc

[shiner501]

Hang in there. You will feel better in time and find great love again. It is a certainty. Trust us.

[Anon333]

So after posting this thread I woke up to a message from him this morning. It said, "I'm in love with you and cant stop thinking about you. ever".... that was 5 in the morning. And then I received a message around 8 in he morning that said "like sucks so much without you"....I feel the same way and it is ironic that he wrote this the day I was in so much pain. I haven't written back and I dont think I should even though I love him and want it to work. I just dont want him to think he can send these messages and have me right back. I dont think his commitmentphobia has changed but I wonder if i stay in no contact that the reality of losing me could make him change? its so hard not to respond and not to be affected by his messages. I just want an email saying he wants to work it out....