A little lost

[miguel]

I'm writing this to have a little bit more perspective and try and understand better my ex boyfriend and our relationship. I started dating my boyfriend almost two years ago and this summer, whilst in the peak of our love, we both decided mutually to go on a break as I would be going to University whilst he was in his last year of school. We didn't do it because of university, but rather because we both wanted him to have the best chance of doing well in his last year without having to constantly message and maintain our relationship with work. We also wanted to have a friendship so that our chances of being together in the future were better. It was of course difficult and now 5 months have passed we still talk very often and are open and honest about the fact we still love one another. It is hard for me but I know I need to support him during this very stressful period of exams - and if the best way to support him is not give him the added pressure of needing to maintain a healthy relationship I am for that. I know the love we have for eachother is stronger than a year of not video-chatting every day.

 

However, I know in summer we will get back together although he has mentioned that he does not want to have a long distance relationship if he moves abroad for university. He says that it would strain our relationship so much and so we risk losing eachother as friends and soulmates in our lives. I'm a very "act now think later" kind of girl, and I've always believed that that is important in love. But he is more practical and strategic.

 

(Before you ask, no it's not because he wants to see other girls. You may call me deluded but I know him well enough to trust that isn't the reason. He is the kind of guy who doesn't even have facebook because he prefers just talking to me alone. He's on the quiet side and still very much in love with me as I am him!)

 

So my question: if you don't try for a long distance relationship is it because you don't value the relationship and aren't willing to make it work no matter what? Or do you think the most loving thing is to not strain your relationship with long distance because you really want a long term future with the person?

 

Thank you!!

[Gary Snyder]

Those long distance relationship things are tough...... people sometimes fall out of love - and if one falls out of love, you have nothing. Sorry. It's not like you see it in the movies.

[miguel]

Those long distance relationship things are tough...... people sometimes fall out of love - and if one falls out of love, you have nothing. Sorry. It's not like you see it in the movies.

 

Thank you for your response! We aren't actually in the long distance relationship at the moment, and still are in love as we can't seem to get rid of each other without running back!

[Wiseman2]

Agree, LDRs are quite a strain on things. It sounds like he needs his freedom now to finish school and consider the best university for his education and future. It's painful to try to be friends with an ex.

 

Unfortunately it sounds like you are more invested in the relationship than he is and that may be due to a romance novel mindset of "act now think later, I've always believed that that is important in love".

without having to constantly message and maintain our relationship with work. he has mentioned that he does not want to have a long distance relationship if he moves abroad for university. he is more practical and strategic.