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miguel

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  1. I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. Exactly, I would never truly want that - but can’t understand why I think about it so often.
  2. Lately I have been constantly daydreaming about situations where I would struggle and have to be strong. Things like my parents dying and me having to deal with the grief, or being hit by a car and recovering. In these daydreams I’m not afraid. Instead I feel almost like I desire the suffering. And it’s not that I desire pain itself - I don’t want to be hurt - but I want to be in a situation where I can be brave and strong and be a fighter. Generally I struggle with depression which usually causes apathy and lack of interest in life, so I thought maybe this was me imagining dramatic and life changing situations so that I have something to live for. Which seems ridiculous. I’m not usually someone who cares about being centre of attention, and I always go out of my way to make sure people are happy and safe. I just want myself to suffer a bit so that I can grow and be tested. It feels crazy to me and I don’t know how to understand it.
  3. Oh wow, this made me so happy! Congratulations for you guys. We were worried about the love fading if we stayed together, so its interesting to see that the separation worked out for you. I'd be very happy marrying him in the future for sure - but I'll definitely not focus on it, but on myself for now :) Thank you so much for sharing your story!
  4. I guess it was avoiding one type of struggling over another. If we did long distance we would struggle to have time for the people who are present in our lives where we are at. We would struggle to focus on work and self-development - after all, we aren't in the same place to be able to enjoy the real benefits of a relationship - it seems like we would just be hanging on to each other because we are too scared to be apart. I struggle alone now, that's for sure, but I don't struggle because he is a bad person or someone who hurts me. For me, that is a better type of struggling than feelings of jealousy and demanding a lot from another person who isn't there to be able to give it to me (through no fault of his own!)
  5. I suggested it originally - having seen many friends struggle to the point of their relationship being irreconcilable. He was upset at first but very quickly came to be in full agreement. It was very strange - our relationship continued to be as perfect and lovely as usual right up until the day he left when we had to call it off!
  6. My boyfriend and I were together for a year. It was my third relationship and the most healthy experience I have had with a boy. We were loving and kind, we respected each other fully, we were madly in love, travelled the world. It really couldn't be much better. Unfortunately, at the start of this year we decided to end things as he is studying abroad for a year and I am back home, in my final year of university. It was the hardest decision we had to make - but both of us agree it was for the best. We didn't fall out of love or even love each other any less than before, we just realised that relationships are about sharing in a life together - not texting small talk across horrible time difference. I want him to fully experience his year abroad without having to make sure he's free to text me goodnight or whatever, and he doesn't want me to be stressing out over him during my exams. The problem is that we are both still very much in love and so finding this sacrifice hard, although we also don't want to change the arrangement. We have decided to go cold turkey, but how can you get over someone when you never fell out of love? When there was no reason to hate them or delete them from your life? I know this decision is the best for our lives, and I know we will get in contact in a couple months or so once the hard bit has passed, I'd just love some advice for healing through this process. Thank you!
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