Not Sure How to Decipher My Thoughts About Him

[ClaireDarling]

Sorry, this is kind of long. It's kind of stream if thought because I don't really know what I'm thinking/feeling.

 

So I posted a few days ago about finally getting a boyfriend, but it just feeling weird in person. So we broke up and i tried to explain to him what was going on in my head and the best way I could put it was that there was no spark.

 

I haven't been in a relationship in over three years and unfortunately that one was long distance so we never truly got to meet. But even with him, I turned him down 5 times before saying yes and then I broke up with him a week after we started dating, but that relationship actually ended up lasting a year once I got my emotions together.

 

Anyway, with this new guy, I don't quite know where I'm at. I like him. Hes spent the night with me like 6 times at least and the nights he's not there, I feel really weird and lonely.

 

The first and only time we had sex, it wasn't great and we've only kissed twice. The first, I was caught off guard and also sick so I kind of pushed him away and the second time, I realized that he's either not a good kisser or he's just never been kissed.

 

There's a handful of things that he does that annoys me. He's really bad about not listening sometimes. He's also really messy. And that's coming from someone who is terribly messy. He repeats things a lot. Like, if I don't laugh the first time or respond the way he wants, he'll say it again and again.

 

But in the flip side, he's done everything right. He always asks me what I want to do and if I'm okay and tells me to have a good day at work. If I asked him to do something, he would.

 

I just don't know how I feel. I just feel like I'm trying to compare him to someone. It's just like having an apple and an orange and the orange is overall the better fruit, but I keep trying to get it to taste like an apple because apples are what I'm used to.

 

Like, sadly I've had my share of guys. I've used Tinder many a time and have gone on dates or invited guys to my place, we hook up, they might stay the night and then leave and that's it. I might want more but that usually never happens.

 

I just don't understand why this guy who actually likes me and who actually wants to date me is weirding me out so much.

 

And it's not that I prefer FWB. I'm actually awful at that. I always end up catching feelings, real or not. But with this guy, the thought to kiss him crosses my mind but then I just don't.

 

I'm just wondering if it's the fact that there are certain qualities about him that I don't like and that's outweighing everything else?

 

I don't know. I want him around. I don't want to just be friends. But I don't know what I want.

[ClaireDarling]

Also, I apologize advance if this is under the wrong category.

[Ivy2017]

Try dating him, not sleeping with him. Spend time doing fun stuff together. See if your personalities match. You can't change him. Maybe you'll start liking something that isn't an apple.

[SherrySher]

I agree with the above poster, take sex out of the equation for now. Actually get to know him, go on proper dates with no sex at the end of them and really genuinely get to know him.

You will be able to tell if you could fall in love with him or if he's only ever going to be a friend. You already sound as though you're not liking some parts of his personality.

It seems like you are also having sex right away to compensate for your lonliness and lack of love, but it's not giving you anything long lasting or anything you actually are hoping for.

You really can't keep bedding men and hope it will turn into love or have them there just to stave off the lonliness. I'm not saying for sure that you are doing this, but it does sound like it.

You might want to try dating with no sex and really get to know someone, become good friends with them, see if there is any romance and leave the sex out of it till down the road.

It is only confusing you and leaving you more empty than before.