vv15629 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Ok so before I start describing my wife and the effects of her depression I want to make it clear as to not over exaggerate, my wife has her mental struggles but is not some raging depressed maniac. She is a kind loving person with literally the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. Her love, care and empathy for others leaves me in awe sometimes and it’s probably what I love about her most. However, her depression is really really starting to wear me down emotionally. Hell even physically some days. We’re both in our early thirties, married for about 6 months and together for about 6 years. We come from completely different home upbringings. My parents remained married, stable, and loving. I had good work ethic, drive, and resilience installed in me since I was young. My wife didn’t have the healthiest upbringing from her parents who eventually divorced and some other issues which have helped lead to her depression/anxiety. Emotional issues run a bit in her family. Vicious cycle. She is 100% aware and accepting of her issues and has tried to work on them via counseling/medication etc. I’m generally a very optimistic and happy person, always have been and of course she a bit on the other side of the spectrum. I fully understand the patience and understanding needed when dealing with a depressed loved one. I’ve gotten better overtime in my approach to her and try to learn and more to keep heading in that direction. However, I’d be lying if I said her depression wasn’t taking its toll on me. Some days I can tolerate her negative energy and then some days it just clouds me with a deflated feeling that is hard to even describe. Almost putting myself in a mini depression. Fortunately I can shake it off relatively quickly. We usually are up together in the morning before work before leaving then a few hours into our day one of us will usually text the other just to say hey. Some days I’m literally so fearful to send that “hey babe how’s it going” text bc I know the negative energy I will likely receive back. Whether its her issues w/ work, friends, family, her weight or some other random annoyance. It’s just the constant of that I really struggle with. She often has problems that she brings to me but it always ends up where I’m in a position to say nothing right, sometimes literally speechless and saying to myself I really have no clue how I could say anything correct at this moment. I cant offer advice or my opinion to help bc she usually ends up defensive cause it may be a productive thing to say but its an issue bc simply it’s something she doesn’t want to hear. She doesn’t really want my advice to help w/ a problem but rather just someone to agree with her that all she’s complaining about is justified and she should be angry and annoyed. Make sense? And I cant always agree w/ her anger 100% of the time. I cant just agree and justify her anger bc I know that acting that way is not going to help really her. Just an example. Most recently shes gone on a diet and doing some exercise, and like most things that present a tough challenge for her, she quickly becomes so discourage and angry about it wants to quit. She keeps telling me how she should do this diet or this workout instead cause she’s miserable with shes currently doing. I finally told her that it doesn’t matter what diet or work out you until you can adjust your mindset and attitude towards. You’ll hate anything you try without the right approach to it. Shes literally broken down in tears saying how she wants just lose weight but doesn’t want to basically do any work it takes to achieve that. That quickly turn into her saying shes not like me and that I’m being insensitive. I mean what am I supposed to say?! The only thing she would have taken kindly is if I said “you’re right babe its not worth it, you should just not worry about it”. But I cant do that! I want my wife to succeed, achieve, and accomplish. Progress equals happiness so I just cant make her seem like good intentions aren’t worth fighting for. And I’m not just talking about some weight loss. So even though I respectfully and nicely said to her what I truly believe is advice that will help I still just cant win. This theme in general is how it goes often with a lot of her issues she brings to me just to provide an idea. We planned to start trying for our first child soon but Im honestly fearful of her mental state going into a pregnancy. I just don’t know. I know extra care and patience is required in loving a depressed wife but at some point what about me bc this a huge challenge for me as well! Link to comment
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