He broke up with me and now he wants to be friends?

[willbehappy]

For more information, please read my previous thread, thank you in advance.

 

 

Long story short, he broke up with me on December 6th and hasn't left me alone since. Every week I've had some sort of attempt from him to contact me whether its a snapchat, a snapchat call, a snapchat chat, an instagram dm, phonecalls, etc. On Christmas he decided to instagram direct message me saying "Merry Christmas, I got a new phone and didn't have your number haha hope it was a good one". I decided to finally stop ignoring him and just let him see I'm happy and not being a child about the situation. I responded with "It was good! Merry Christmas to you as well!" He wasn't happy with my response since he responded with "..." He started going on about how he "didn't want this kind of thing to happen" and how he just wants to be friends with me like everything is alright now. I explained to him maybe 5 separate times that I cannot be friends with someone who I have feelings for. Finally after me saying, "Look, I might be open to us being friends in the future, but for now I can't. I have feelings for you and speaking to you isn't going to be good for me", he stopped messaging me.

 

 

Great! Awesome, I thought that was the end. I was ready to leave it at that and I thought that was closure enough. Nope, he wasn't done. On New Years, he snapchat chats me (since he doesn't have my number and apparently didn't care to ask for it), saying "Happy New Years!" I responded with "Happy New Years!" and he tells me something along the lines of... I know this is against the rules, but you look so good. First of all, rules??? We never set any rules... and I responded with "thanks" to which he got angry again, and said "I hate that it has to be like this, goodnight". I responded with "I don't know what that means, night." I thought this was the end, AGAIN.

 

 

Nope... it still wasn't over. This past Monday, at 5 am (he has work at 6am) I received a snapchat chat, saying “Hey. Not trying to be annoying but I miss talking to you. I miss having conversations about nothing and smile the entire time. I miss burning alive sleeping next to you. I miss you, flat out. It kept me up tonight.” WOW THANKS! Thanks for that, I really appreciated like are you kidding me?? I responded with (bear with me its a little long): "I told you before that I don’t want you playing these stupid games with me. You said you want to be friends with me and now you’re telling me you miss me and you miss being with me? Which one is it? You miss being friends with me or you want to be friends with me because you miss me? This is exactly what I meant when I said stringing me along. You don’t speak to me but you make sure to send me a snapchat or a dm once a week to remind me that you’re still around. You make no effort at all, you haven’t even asked me for my number after you got a new phone, instead you choose to blow up my phone through snapchat and instagram. Everything you write to me confuses me, first its that you want to be my friend and then you tell me you miss sleeping next to me?"

 

 

No answer, but SOMEHOW he found my phone number after "losing it" and called me yesterday. I missed the call, called him back no answer, and eventually he called me back again. First time we talked since the breakup, actually talked. I explained to him over and over again on the phone that I can't be friends with him because I have feelings for him and maybe MAYBE at some point in the future I will be willing to be friends with him but right now I just can't because I won't get rid of my feelings for him and it's not fair. He wouldn't take no for an answer, he told me that he's going to keep talking to me and calling me. I told him he's going to get my voicemail and he said thats fine that he is going to leave me voicemails and hope that I listen to them. I stuck to my I can't be friends with him and at which point he told me he wants to meet up with me for closure. (keep in mind we are in a little bit of a long distance relationship about 1 and 1/2 hours apart). He started asking me if I believe in people being meant to be together and how he thinks that we might be meant to be together in the future and that's why he wants to keep talking to me. I am leaving in about 5 months when I'm done with school. I have to move for my first job (TV) and I have no idea where I will be but definitely not anywhere closer than at least 4hrs+ driving distance from where I am right now. He started making jokes about how he is going to come and be my pool boy when I move (he knows I want to go somewhere warm) and then telling me about how I got him through the hardest parts of his life (his dad just passed away) and how compassionate and beautiful I am (almost made me cry).

 

 

He asked me if I believe in both being friends with him and getting back together with him? I responded to the 2nd part with no, I don't want the last 11 months to repeat themselves, I wasn't happy and I let so much slide. He asked me to explain, and I finally let out everything that I've been holding in for so long about all the things I felt he did wrong to me ranging from randomly ignoring me whenever he felt like it, to waiting 10 months to introduce me to his family (at his dads funeral), to not inviting me to his brothers wedding, to making me feel uncomfortable about ever visiting him, and all the things in between. He had a response to every aspect most of which were that I was right and he was wrong, but some were justified.

 

 

Honestly, I thought that phone call was going to clear everything up for me and allow me to get past it, but I feel worse now. I feel like I'm waiting for the next phone call and I feel like crap for it. I thought it was going to do me some good and allow me to move on, but now my heads in a bunch of pieces and I don't know what to do. Why does he want to meet with me if he doesn't seem to want to get back together with me? To be clear, I don't want to get back together with him, or at least this version of him. I've made my mind set on that and it's actually kind of funny he pointed that out on the phone - that he could hear in my voice that I was done with him. If something changes in the future and somewhere down the line I bump into him somewhere (not sure where since we are long distance), and if he's changed and is different and we try again then maybe, but right now, I just don't think my stress is worth it and especially since I'm moving so soon. I just wish I could be friends with him without all of the feelings attached with it, I love talking to him. He's right about the smiling the entire time talking about nothing part, we could talk for 3-4-5 hours on the phone and about absolutely nothing and have time fly by and be laughing the entire time. I guess I'm stuck, I know I can't be friends with him right now, and I feel like I want to, but then I feel like I'm just fooling myself because my heart still loves him and I want him to invest the time to be part of my life, and thats not friendship that's me wanting him to get back together with me. Sorry this post is so confusing, I am trying to put how I feel into words, and it just isn't working out.

 

 

Bottom line, my question is: do I keep ignoring his calls until he decides to come see me and talk it out in person? Do I ignore his phone calls forever? Do I answer them and pretend like everything is okay (probably not the option)?

[Hollyj]

Why haven't you blocked him? Seems like a simple solution.

 

He is completely disrespecting you. Be done with this.

 

You cannot be friends when there are feelings!

 

He treated you like crap in the relationship, why would you want to be friends with this jerk in the future?

[willbehappy]

Idk maybe I'm just making excuses for him, I feel like he's a good person. Just a crappy relationship partner? Idk, wish I would've not picked up the phone.

[Hollyj]

You are making excuses. If he treated you poorly in the relationship, then what would make you think he would make a good friend? If you want to go for another spin, then good luck, but I suggest you go back and refresh your memory on how great a guy he is, by reading your old threads.

 

I will repeat, he does not respect you, by continuing to reach out.

[Clio]

Stop replying. It takes two to tango. You say you want the contact to stop yet you keep carrying it on. You say one thing to him, yet you do another, and then you complain about the result. Why would he take you seriously? Why would you want to see him in person? What would that change? If he treated you poorly and broke up with you, then it's like asking more of the same.

[Lynn01]

I sympathise with you, my boyfriend broke up with me on the 3.01.17, he still loves me and wants me but he can't. He says he needs me too much it's not me it's him. Then he said he still needs he in his life and wants to go back to being good friends, in fact start all over again, get to know each other better and build a foundation for our relationship. He messaged me at first but now he's ignoring me. I'm not sure which is worse them contacting or ignoring? They still ended the relationship and selfishly just want to be friends.

[Hollyj]

It's so that can get ego boosts, free counseling and probably some booty on the side .

 

If someone loves you, they do not risk losing you. Stop listening to all this garbage they are spewing , and find someone that wants to be with you. You're both being played by these guys!

[Wiseman2]

The mature and self respecting thing to do is delete and block him from all social media and messaging and go no contact. He's showboating.

[Lynn01]

you're right, good advice, thank you