Kittiehehe Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 So, I am feeling a bit down. I went through an abusive relationship before my current boyfriend and it was a while ago. I have some insecurities I need to deal with because they seem to have come out with my current boyfriend. I just need some clarification I guess. My boyfriend is a private person and I get that. He is like that with his phone and I have had a hard time adjusting to that because some of the stuff he does is what someone would do if they were hiding things like not looking at his messages, etc around me. So I have backed off with paying attention to his phone and leave it to where I don't mention his phone. Sometimes I struggle where it seems like I have some anxiety and it just goes through the roof. I recently found out my boyfriend likes talking to random girls online, not friends but just random girls. He is super private with his phone and it made me upset that he was doing this. He didn't agree with me because I told Him to please stop because it's weird and finally said if he could tone it down and be open with these conversations but he said its his privacy and he's not going to so I said then we'll stop. He doesn't seem to care that I do it, but I find it odd he does this. He says he likes to make friends online and I'm just like go out and hang out with your friends instead of sitting online talking to women you don't know. It drives me insane and I finally told him I couldn't do this if he wouldn't stop. He finally agreed and said he still wants to be with me so that he would. we have had several arguments about it because he does t agree with it but supposedly he stopped. I had a previous post about him bringing a girl from tinder to tattoo at the partner ( we live together) and he fought me on that finally deciding to do it when I was home. I'm wondering now if these issues that come up that we fight on are because he's not really respecting me or because of the insecurities that are present from my cheating abusive ex. My ex would try to talk to girls online and ask them to dinner, but would lie about it and then I would have to find out myself if he was lying. I just feel sad really because some days my insecurities are skyrocketing and going crazy and I'm not sure how to deal with myself. I don't want to put it on him anymore though because it can make him upset as I have done it before.. Is it me or both of us? This is hard because he tells me to trust him but sometimes my insecurities get so bad it makes me wonder how do I even do this. I am going to go to therapy to work on myself but I don't know. My boyfriend is the type believing that we are allowed to do what we want In a relationship with respect to the other but sometimes the things I bring to him he just doesn't get it. He tells me he's not doing anything bad but it makes me upset! How do I deal with myself and him ??? I don't want to loose him. I love him a lot and I think he is a good person who cares for me but sometimes it's like he has no damn brain! Link to comment
j.man Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 At this point, it's you. You already know he's the type to make friends with ladies off Tinder, so there's not much else written that should surprise you. His boundaries are as loose as a clown's pocket, and if that's not your way, then it's time to stop using "we'll stop" or "I can't do this" as a tool and actually walk the walk. Your boyfriend is right in that he can do whatever he wants in a relationship. That doesn't mean the lady he's with has to stick around for it. Many would have walked, and understandably so, but if you decide against doing so, the consequences are on you. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Why did you move in with him so quickly if these are ongoing issues?we live together. I love him a lot and I think he is a good person who cares for me but sometimes it's like he has no damn brain! Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Your boyfriend is right in that he can do whatever he wants in a relationship. That doesn't mean the lady he's with has to stick around for it. Many would have walked, and understandably so, but if you decide against doing so, the consequences are on you. This ^^^ There are plenty of good guys around who would care for you - without needing to be on Tinder. He isn't going to change. You will be eating your heart out for as long as you stay with this guy; sure you may have insecurities, but trying to get comfortable with inappropriate behaviour in a relationship is like trying to get comfortable on a bed of nails, when what you need to do is get up and walk away. The fact that you're still there is telling him his behaviour's OK in your book. Sure, you can complain to him about it, but he's looking at what you're doing (staying with him) rather than what you're saying. Going to therapy would be a good idea; it will build your self esteem so that he is no longer acceptable to you. Yes, he has the right to contact other women, date other women, sleep with other women... whatever. What he isn't entitled to is doing it on your time. Link to comment
Kittiehehe Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 He isn't on tinder he just has a few friends from tinder he met a long while ago before he met me. Just clarifying. Link to comment
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