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Breakups, NC and Angry Ex


TrulyRashi

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Hello Fellow members,

 

Sorry about the long post in advance but I would really like your opinion on this, hopefully it will help me feel a bit better.

I Brokeup a week before new year and it has been dreadful since then. My ex and me had been dating for nearly 8months and we had many ups and downs in our relation but sadly he is the only guy as of yet I have connected the most with.

 

Everything seemed great till the time he went MiA for 2days last month. I gave him his space during this time as I had experienced his mood swings in the past and finally confronted him. To which he replied that we can't be together because our families have intense issues with it. I knew this for a long time but this sudden breakup caught me of guard.

 

Post breakup we tried to be friends but I turned emotionally very vulnerable during this time. The fact that I had lost my best bud and couldn't meet him one last time got to me. During this breakup phase he adapted some positive changes and on the contrary I had hit the self destruct button. So while he was out meeting new friends and going to the gym, I didn't want to meet any of my friends but rather just wanted to sob my eyes out and drink every alternate day.

 

It was after this that i hit rock bottom and went to meet him at the bar near his office post work. The fact that I hadn't asked him if we could meet but rather had imposed ticked him off. He didn't show up at the bar or return my calls. After one too many drinks I text him that I am coming over to his apartment to meet him which I think again pissed him off because when I reached his place he didn't open the door or reply to my calls.

 

Post 30mins his room mate called me up saying his phone had died and he had called him from a colleagues phone saying he wanted to meet me at the mall near his place. When I reached the mall after a few mins I received a message from him saying, "I am not going to meet you today under any condition. Rather I won't meet you today or ever in this life. You have crossed all limits today." after which he blocked me on FB and Whatsapp. It was just one day prior to this that he had said he never wants to loose me and wants to always have me in life at least as a friend and now he wouldn't even want to see my face that just shattered me.

 

Though that guy broke my ego, self respect and my heart my last message to him was "I had come with an intention to end everything today because I was starting to become the person I am not but sadly that didn't happen. I am not proud of whatever happened today and hope you can forgive me and not hate me forever. I can't believe that after the 8months that we spent it all had to end this way. Even after whatever happened today I still wish the best for you and your future .Thank you for everything and specially today. Sorry for everything that you had to go through with me hopefully you will find someone better in the future. I promise to never trouble you after this. Love you & Take Care."

 

After this I went NC on him and it's been 6days since this incident but yest I called him and he disconnected my call. In this whole time I can't help but wonder that the only reason i behaved the was cause I was a fool in love but what his explanation? How can someone treat someone he once liked that way? Also, does he not have any guilt? I can't help but loathe myself for the things I put myself through and for how vulnerable I had become.

 

Do you think I will ever get an apology out of him or would I have to live with this feeling? I know its pathetic but I miss having him as a friend so you think we can be friends again?

TIA xx

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Do you think I will ever get an apology out of him or would I have to live with this feeling? I know its pathetic but I miss having him as a friend so you think we can be friends again?

 

No, you won't get an apology out of him. But that doesn't mean you have to live with this feeling. You can choose to let it go, in spite of not receiving an apology. It seems that all possibility of friendship is off the table since you cross the line from friend to stalker.

 

No one is at their best at the end of a relationship. Stop calling him, stop everything -- you may receive a restraining order if that behavior continues. Focus on your own healing, on reducing your level of co-dependence in relationships, and on finding happiness again. Healing is possible, but it will take time.

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He's not being very kind or forgiving of what you did. Although that's boundary-crossing behaviour, he is reacting in quite a mean way. Sorry you are going through this. Stalking your ex is not okay, but he could have been a bit more understanding and let it go as a one-off, and tried to reassure you that everything will be okay and explain more respectfully that you need to move on/let go now.

 

I would just cut contact and not look for his approval of your apology, or look from an apology from him. You never know, after some time goes by, he might look back and feel bad about the way he acted towards the end to cut you off so coldly when you were just going a bit frantic and acted needy. But you can't control him wanting to apologise, or feeling apologetic for being mean. You just have to do what is best for you now and try to come to terms with this in your own way, as best as you can. And talk to your friends! Explain to a friend everything that happened this day. Your friend will help you put things into perspective, and vent and to move on in a healthy way. Stay strong.

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Sorry to hear this. What are his family issues? Cultural? religious? Arranged marriage? Do you think that over the holidays he and his family discussed this?

 

Why did you carry on knowing he warned you about these family issues? How was the relationship otherwise?

 

Try to pull yourself together, don't cope by drinking and go no contact and delete and block him from everything. Don't stalk him or try to make any other contact.

he replied that we can't be together because our families have intense issues with it. I knew this for a long time. After one too many drinks I text him that I am coming over to his apartment to meet him which I think again pissed him off because when I reached his place he didn't open the door or reply to my calls.

"I am not going to meet you today under any condition. Rather I won't meet you today or ever in this life. You have crossed all limits today."

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Do you think I will ever get an apology out of him or would I have to live with this feeling? I know its pathetic but I miss having him as a friend so you think we can be friends again?

 

You don't have to live with the feeling, you get to decide when you'll move beyond it.

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