Post-Break Up & Trying to Heal.

[Mmmc228]

WooooW why does this always happen to me when I lay in bed?

 

NC day 15. 12:04.

 

I miss him a lot. And it makes me sad to think that he's gonna dote on some other girl one day the way he used to be with me... the forehead kisses and beautifully sweet messages. Ugh. It hurts thinking about because I don't know if I'll ever get it back. I was his future at one point. What changed? Why did I have to force him to pull away? It's like I wanted it to happen.

 

I can function without him. But I know I'll always care about him. I can't dislike him. I just don't understand how it got to the point where I cared so much and he stopped caring at all.

 

Am I just a fleeting thought in his mind now?

 

I know people tell me that he will reach out eventually, but I have a feeling he won't.

[Mmmc228]

Day NC 16.

 

I haven't listened to music on my phone in weeks. I don't turn on the car radio at all. It hurts me too much. Rap reminds me of him. So many different artists, and singing my head off to different music in the passenger seat of your car. What happened to us? I think of all these great memories and I just realize that we aren't those people now. So much resentment has built up between us from our fighting and the stupid drinking I did.

 

Ugh. I regret so much. Because I still love you. But I feel like you just became cold towards me and pulled away completely. The idea of us ever being friends just puts a dagger through my heart... I'd just want you the whole time and I know you'd be cool with it. That is the absolute worst part. How could you stop loving me?

 

It's Thursday night, I know you're probably fine and going out. I mean you don't want me so I just have to accept it. I'm trying. I'm trying SO hard.

 

God, please tell me I'm gonna have a greater love one day...

[charneca]

Hi Mmmc228. I just read your entire thread and your situation reminds me of my BU so much. I started a self healing blog but also put it in the "getting back together" section because I really do hope my ex and I will be able to reconcile. I won't type out my entire story because you can read my thread if you are interested but I can sense myself in your writing. I too became very insecure with my relationship with my boyfriend. I was constantly afraid he was going to leave me that I inevitably pushed him away. There's a lot of other reasons as well, but that's probably the main reason why he decided to end it. He thought he wasn't making me happy anymore.

 

I feel the same way as you, all over the place. One day I'm fine the next I'm angry and the next I'm crying. I was with my guy for almost 9 years too so a big part of me has been ripped away.

 

I know what you are feeling as I'm feeling the same. I was with him for 10 years. I cried last tuesday for like an hour before going to a job interview and an hour after that. That same day I cried, I got angry at myself, I got angry at him and ended with removing him from facebook. Today I feel sadness and disappointment. Especially disappointment.

[Mmmc228]

Dang I've missed him a lot today.

 

Why has it been getting worse these past few days? I don't understand why I'm not getting better. I still haven't looked at his social media or reached out to him, but it feels like I'm more tempted.

 

I'm sick to my stomach whenever I think about the fact that he doesn't want to be with me. Blow to my ego or not, I still love him. This sucks. I wonder if he even misses me.

 

NC Day 16

[vmrhine18]

Dang I've missed him a lot today.

 

Why has it been getting worse these past few days? I don't understand why I'm not getting better. I still haven't looked at his social media or reached out to him, but it feels like I'm more tempted.

 

I'm sick to my stomach whenever I think about the fact that he doesn't want to be with me. Blow to my ego or not, I still love him. This sucks. I wonder if he even misses me.

 

NC Day 16

 

 

Hey, sorry to hear you have been struggling. I'm over 30 days now and still hurting as well. It's getting better but it's still there. I just wonder if he ever thinks of me? I hope the last couple of days have been easier for you.

[Mmmc228]

Hey there vmrhine18, I hope you're doing better! And that you had an all around good day. Thanks for checking in on me.

 

NC Day 21.

 

It has been three weeks since we went to get coffee together. I haven't texted him since, nor has he reached out. I'm surprised at my willpower... I haven't looked at his social media at all. Not once. I seriously mean this NC thing. But I can't say I haven't been tempted.

 

My posting has become less often. However, I still browse this website multiple times a day and try to read different stories to make me feel better.

 

I feel like I meant nothing to him and he means so much to me still.

 

The second that I finished with finals today I became really sad. It was seriously a distraction to me. Now what? In spite of all the horrible pain I've been through this semester, I did get a 4.0 again. My ex didn't take that away from me.

 

I honestly think I'm just waiting for the day that I have my "ah-ha moment." The day that I look back and realize THAT is why we broke up. I do think everything happens for a reason... I just hate that I still feel like I ruined it with a great guy. I can't change that though.

 

I keep having these fleeting moments of sadness. For a minute or two I feel absolutely miserable and then it disappears. Anyone else get these? They happen to me frequently throughout the day.

 

My thoughts are with everyone struggling through a breakup right now. I'm here for you. If you're reading this, I know how you feel and I know it doesn't seem like it, but time does make it better. The way I felt at the beginning and the way I feel now (even though I'm still sad) do not compare.

[Mmmc228]

NC Day 22.

 

I just sobbed in the car. It's the first time I've cried in a little less than three weeks. How can I be so in love with him still? It's been almost two months since we've been officially together. I still want a second chance.

 

This sucks.

[membername]

NC Day 22.

 

I just sobbed in the car. It's the first time I've cried in a little less than three weeks. How can I be so in love with him still? It's been almost two months since we've been officially together. I still want a second chance.

 

This sucks.

 

I'm sorry you're going thru this. Don't beat yourself up for feelings. Just continue to be strong. *Hugs*

[Mmmc228]

I'm sorry you're going thru this. Don't beat yourself up for feelings. Just continue to be strong. *Hugs*

 

Thank you!! The virtual hug made me smile.

 

I really don't know why I've been struggling lately maybe because school is now over for break. I keep wondering what he's doing and I know I should stop that.

 

I can't wait until he's not on my mind so much. I'm completely functional, but the sad, fleeting moments are the worst. I'm trying to be strong, thank you.. I think I'll get through this.

[Dede]

In a similar situation. 9 year relationship end 3 days ago. We lived with each other for 8 years. I actually told him Monday to be out by Wednesday. For two days we slept separately and he got his things out by today. I told him to leave due to somethings that really disturb me. When I ask him about these things he didn't really have answers to my questions . I cried in pain because of this. He had weird behavior for a year..all this behavior left me dying out of this year..the pain. In September I was finally about to get him off of certain meds that was changing his personality in a bad way. He have change alot but by then trust..a deep trust issue and pain his ruining our relationship. Things have been great since September but this secret his destroyed me.

 

What bother me more is he promise to change and have a lot but he still want to live in this darkness. It's like he can't control his bad behavior. I known him for ten years and never seen a person who just change personalities like him. He went from being a push over on the job who give people the benefit of the dealt ..to this person who in rage to fight people.

 

I am in so much pain. In three days I have lose 10 pounds. Which is funny..I been working out for months and only lose 3 pounds. I actually see a nutritionists do to my eating habits,but lose my relationship and 10 pounds off just like that. I also have anxiety attacks and almost faint yesterday.

 

I cried for 2 days off and on. The pain is truly something I never felt be for. I also have extreme anxiety about fiances. He paid the rent and he was the driver between us too. So now i am left with rent by myself. Which would leAve me with little money for other things /bills. I really have to get use to doing things I never don't alone.

 

Overall it's a lot if fear. I pray for my life to get better. Yes I want him back. But I will not be with him if he won't get help. What hurt me more is he no he need help but he told me he don't no what to do..and he don't want to hurt me so he agree to stay away. That tells me that he dont want to try to change. If it was me I would jump at any level to change to make my relationship right. This is where I second guess his love for me because he don't try.

I also laugh because over a week ago he was in tears asking me to start over with him. And I agreed. Now this.

[Mmmc228]

NC Day 26.

 

Surprise surprise I haven't heard from him. Not once. However, I've been strong and haven't looked at his social media at all. And I'm too stubborn to text him first EVER, so if we end up talking even years from now, it'll have to be on his fruition.

 

I have my good days and bad days. The holidays (work, family, gift shopping, church) have been really helpful. I'm very preoccupied and focused on other things.

 

I still get pretty sad though... especially at night. Whenever I get into bed, it's like a sadness washes over me. I immediately get on this website and read other people's stories. It calms me.

 

It's hard to imagine caring about someone else the way I cared about him. But I want to care BETTER in the future. If anything, I guess I can learn to be a better girlfriend. I was extremely crap to him in the beginning.. which I regret, but he started to be crappy towards the end, so I guess we are even.

 

I don't wish any bad feelings towards him at all. I just still wish he loved me back.

[cyssan]

Congratulations on your day 26! I'm glad that you're busy with a lot of things during this time, it helps! This holiday season is the first since my BU too, so I'm finding it a little tough to get into the holiday spirit.

 

I also think it's helpful when you're aware when you get sad. I can have a great day, but I always notice that a certain sadness washes over me between 6PM-9PM. That's like my witching hour. I guess that's because this is when my day is winding down, and back then, these hours were when me and my ex will be sharing stories about how our days went. These days I make sure to preoccupy those hours with something, and so far, it's working.

 

I know it's hard to imagine having the same feelings for someone else like you did with your ex....but I think you will love the next person differently (and in your own words, better). It will never be the same, that's for sure, but that's not to say you'll feel less love, or a lesser kind of love. I feel that you're learning a lot from this experience, so I'm sure those lessons can/will make your next relationship richer.

[Mmmc228]

Congratulations on your day 26! I'm glad that you're busy with a lot of things during this time, it helps! This holiday season is the first since my BU too, so I'm finding it a little tough to get into the holiday spirit.

 

I also think it's helpful when you're aware when you get sad. I can have a great day, but I always notice that a certain sadness washes over me between 6PM-9PM. That's like my witching hour. I guess that's because this is when my day is winding down, and back then, these hours were when me and my ex will be sharing stories about how our days went. These days I make sure to preoccupy those hours with something, and so far, it's working.

 

I know it's hard to imagine having the same feelings for someone else like you did with your ex....but I think you will love the next person differently (and in your own words, better). It will never be the same, that's for sure, but that's not to say you'll feel less love, or a lesser kind of love. I feel that you're learning a lot from this experience, so I'm sure those lessons can/will make your next relationship richer.

 

Hi there! Your response meant a lot. Thank you... it is amazing that I've made it 28 days, looking back. But NC has done wonders to help me move on.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling to get in the holiday spirit. What helps me is to focus on other people's gifts and how excited they will be to open them giving to others takes away any mental/emotional attention given to my ex.

 

You're right, our future loves WILL be different. And that isn't to say they will be lesser.. perhaps the BUs we just went through were so we could meet the person we were supposed to be with all along.

 

And yes, I've grown so much these past 7/8 weeks. Pain = Change; so it seems. I'm sure that you have learned a lot too! I think my sad moments MIGHT be becoming fewer... so that's hopeful in itself.

[Mmmc228]

NC Day 29.

 

I've been so sad today and I don't know why.

 

Getting ready for work this morning, I thought about him. In the car I did too. Then when I visited home. Now that I'm in bed I'm thinking about him. The only time I didn't was while I was at work.

 

I miss him. I miss us. I just want to move on already.

 

It makes me sad to think that if I ran into the perfect guy for me tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to be with him cause I'm not over my ex... SO UGH PLEASE LET ME GET OVER HIM! I've done strict no contact, which has included not peeking at his social media even once.

 

If someone is reading this, keep me in your thoughts. I want to get past this.

[esm12]

I have been reading your posts and I am going through something similar. Even with no contact there are times where I just get so sad and want him back although not for the best, as I found out he has another girlfriend. I agree with you, I feel as if I can't think about guys because I'm not over him yet.

 

I will keep you in my thoughts! I hope both of us can get past this and move on to better things.

[katara42]

NC Day 29.

 

I've been so sad today and I don't know why.

 

Getting ready for work this morning, I thought about him. In the car I did too. Then when I visited home. Now that I'm in bed I'm thinking about him. The only time I didn't was while I was at work.

 

I miss him. I miss us. I just want to move on already.

 

It makes me sad to think that if I ran into the perfect guy for me tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to be with him cause I'm not over my ex... SO UGH PLEASE LET ME GET OVER HIM! I've done strict no contact, which has included not peeking at his social media even once.

 

If someone is reading this, keep me in your thoughts. I want to get past this.

 

Hey - day 29 that's a great accomplishment.

 

I understand how you feel. Like when in a dream you are running for the door out but it keeps getting further away. That's kind of how I felt anyways. But I think I woke up so to speak. I'm only on day 9 but it's the second breakup with the same guy. I read the NC logs every day because it helps. You're doing great