Post-Break Up & Trying to Heal.

[Mmmc228]

I know how you feel about wanting to hear from him and also not wanting to hear from him. I want to know my ex cares and misses me, but I also wanna get over him fully - in case there's a chance for reconciliation in the future or I have a future relationship with someone else soon.

 

A part of me just wonders if he is happier now. I'm no longer nit-picking him and fighting him constantly. But when do they start to miss us? Do they ever? I read one post that said 4-8 weeks, but who knows how accurate that is..

 

Thanks for all of the support! It's nice that we can turn to others who know what we are going through. I felt like I was annoying my friends after a while - rehashing everything.

 

I have faith that I can get through NC because other people (like you) have made it further along!

[Mmmc228]

NC Day 8.

 

I have a lot of regret today. Why did I have to be that insecure person who picked fights? Why does that always happen to me. I feel like he just started to resent me and we couldn't have positive feelings between us because I was constantly telling him that he was doing something wrong...

 

Either way it's a learning experience, I guess.

[brokensqueaker]

NC Day 8.

 

I have a lot of regret today. Why did I have to be that insecure person who picked fights? Why does that always happen to me. I feel like he just started to resent me and we couldn't have positive feelings between us because I was constantly telling him that he was doing something wrong...

 

Either way it's a learning experience, I guess.

 

I'm going through the same thing. I'm outside his place right now but haven't gone out. I don't know what to do. Well I do know.. I shouldn't be here and I should go home but I can't. I also can't get myself to go outside either. I keep thinking and thinking and thinking and well thinking is the worst anyone can do right? I feel so lost.

[No1]

You are all over the place... Like a leaf blowing in the wind. You land on one idea then when the wind blows you go onto another.

 

I would suggest that you go to counseling.. have them help you sort out your feelings and thoughts. Right now you are trying to self analyze and diagnose and correct whats going on. Problem is that you are 3 thoughts behind.

[Mmmc228]

You are all over the place... Like a leaf blowing in the wind. You land on one idea then when the wind blows you go onto another.

 

I would suggest that you go to counseling.. have them help you sort out your feelings and thoughts. Right now you are trying to self analyze and diagnose and correct whats going on. Problem is that you are 3 thoughts behind.

 

I'm already in counseling, but thanks.

[Mmmc228]

I'm going through the same thing. I'm outside his place right now but haven't gone out. I don't know what to do. Well I do know.. I shouldn't be here and I should go home but I can't. I also can't get myself to go outside either. I keep thinking and thinking and thinking and well thinking is the worst anyone can do right? I feel so lost.

 

I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this how did it go? Did you end up leaving? I promise we will get through this.. it gets a little easier.

[Mmmc228]

Damn my heart hurts. I keep thinking of good memories between us today, but I'm trying to stop. I've been keeping myself as busy as possible... it helps that I have so much school due in the next two weeks, plus I work all this weekend. It's day 9.

 

I understand that people may have their own opinions about my situation and this thread.. but I honestly just started it as a way of venting my feelings. It's for me and not necessarily to get advice. Yes, my thoughts and feelings change often multiple times a day and even day-by-day, but that's how I'm healing. I have up and downs. I just got broken up with by someone I still care deeply about. Of course I'm hurting, although I sometimes pretend I'm not. I know I come up with distractions for myself, but that's just how I cope... I hope others can understand this and be respectful ¯\_(ツ _/¯ it's a journey.

[No1]

I'm already in counseling, but thanks.

 

OH good.. thats a good start. I hope you find what you are looking for because as of now, you seem restless. Or you just have a whole bunch of energy.

[vmrhine18]

OH good.. thats a good start. I hope you find what you are looking for because as of now, you seem restless. Or you just have a whole bunch of energy.

 

It's called having a broken heart. I think it's perfectly normal what she's going through. Every one handles a break up differently but for most they go through different feelings for a while.

[vmrhine18]

Sorry that it was a rough day. It was sort of rough for me too as I started the day with a dream about him(I hate when that happens!) but yesterday I thought about him way less so I'm hoping that's a good sign that I'm moving in the right direction! Hopefully you have something fun planned coming up to help lift your spirits. Tomorrow will be better!

[Mmmc228]

Sorry that it was a rough day. It was sort of rough for me too as I started the day with a dream about him(I hate when that happens!) but yesterday I thought about him way less so I'm hoping that's a good sign that I'm moving in the right direction! Hopefully you have something fun planned coming up to help lift your spirits. Tomorrow will be better!

 

Having dreams about them is the worst! So sorry about that happening to you. And I'm very glad that you're starting to feel like you're thinking about him less yes, I'm planning on seeing my family this weekend, so I should be busy! I'm hoping that you'll have some fun activities this weekend also.

 

---- NC Day 10

 

It's 3 am and I'm awake because of all the coffee I drank so I could finish some school work this evening.

 

I've been so tempted to check his Facebook page. SO tempted. But I know it would just break my heart further...

 

I miss him a lot. I keep thinking about the good memories we had. I love him still and I wonder if he is thinking of me. I can't really ever know for sure.

 

Is it weird that one of my fears is that he will actually see me as just a friend one day? That all those romantic feelings will be gone and he will reach out to me for solely platonic reasons.

 

I'm praying that I'll be over him if it ever comes to that.

[rtyu4567]

It's called having a broken heart. I think it's perfectly normal what she's going through. Every one handles a break up differently but for most they go through different feelings for a while.

 

Agreed. I haven't read through out the whole thread yet. But, I have learned that a broken heart heals differently for everyone. I know for me, many times I have thought I was going out of my mind, until I reached out to a therapist and she said that what I was experiencing was normal. So with time and I am only speaking for myself......I believe that all of my rollercoaster, merry go round, up and down and all around emotions and thoughts will settle. I am already beginning to feel better and I believe it's going to get even easier. But, yea although break ups, tend to hurt similarly, every one heals differently.

[Roselynn1]

It's called having a broken heart. I think it's perfectly normal what she's going through. Every one handles a break up differently but for most they go through different feelings for a while.

 

Agree! One day I love him, next I hate him, next I miss him.... It's a roller coaster and all part of healing. I'm just happy I'm practically over the crying phase cuz that was the worst.

[Mmmc228]

Agreed. I haven't read through out the whole thread yet. But, I have learned that a broken heart heals differently for everyone. I know for me, many times I have thought I was going out of my mind, until I reached out to a therapist and she said that what I was experiencing was normal. So with time and I am only speaking for myself......I believe that all of my rollercoaster, merry go round, up and down and all around emotions and thoughts will settle. I am already beginning to feel better and I believe it's going to get even easier. But, yea although break ups, tend to hurt similarly, every one heals differently.

 

I also agree that everyone heals differently and days during the process can be different. My emotions have been constantly fluctuating... but I haven't cried in a few days, so I guess that's good?

 

Breakups are tough. This has been my second. I remember the pain I felt during the first - thinking I'd never get through it. But I did. So I know I can again.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through a break up recently, but it's nice to know you're doing better and I'm sure that reaching your support out to people on this forum has made you heal faster/better too. Many thanks!

[Mmmc228]

Agree! One day I love him, next I hate him, next I miss him.... It's a roller coaster and all part of healing. I'm just happy I'm practically over the crying phase cuz that was the worst.

 

Exactly. Today I was kind of angry towards him for once! Usually it switches between sadness and ignoring the thoughts/numbness.

 

A complete rollercoaster!

 

I'm glad to see that we are both through the crying phase... I went three weeks straight of crying every day, at least once, if not multiple times.

 

The healing phase is unique to every person, but yet we each know what the struggle is like -causing people like you to lend support in even just a simple comment!

 

Sending positive thoughts your way

[Roselynn1]

The crying everyday was horrible! I think I might have cried every day in October. And the worst is when it would happen in public, like while commuting... Ugh!

 

I think I've settled on numbness. You picked the right word. Today i was trying to figure out what this new feeling was, I wasn't crying, sad or angry... numb is exactly what it is. Funny, I saw him the other night and had no feelings. Just so weird everything we go thru and dealing with all these emotions.

 

You're right that healing is definitely unique to each - what works for one won't necessarily work for another. I find writing about it like we're doing very helpful.

 

Let's stay strong and just keep supporting each other. Knowing you're not alone really helps.

[Mmmc228]

NC Day 13 (technically) 12:14am

 

Sometimes it's really hard for me to keep believing that everything happens for a reason, although I keep repeating the phrase over and over in my head.

 

I find myself wondering about you late at night and feeling so tempted to look at your FB profile. But what would that do for me? It wouldn't bring you back... it would just hurt me seeing that you're living your life without me. It's just easier to pretend like you didn't exist.

 

During the day, I'm mostly fine. The indifference/numbness is nice. But then the fleeting thoughts will sometimes come, and nights are not the greatest... but all-in-all I'm better.

 

I can't even hate you. You're still a good person even though you broke my heart.

 

 

But I truly wish I could forget when you used to make me your everything.

[ashley b]

Hi Mmmc228. I just read your entire thread and your situation reminds me of my BU so much. I started a self healing blog but also put it in the "getting back together" section because I really do hope my ex and I will be able to reconcile. I won't type out my entire story because you can read my thread if you are interested but I can sense myself in your writing. I too became very insecure with my relationship with my boyfriend. I was constantly afraid he was going to leave me that I inevitably pushed him away. There's a lot of other reasons as well, but that's probably the main reason why he decided to end it. He thought he wasn't making me happy anymore.

 

I feel the same way as you, all over the place. One day I'm fine the next I'm angry and the next I'm crying. I was with my guy for almost 9 years too so a big part of me has been ripped away.

[No1]

It's called having a broken heart. I think it's perfectly normal what she's going through. Every one handles a break up differently but for most they go through different feelings for a while.

 

Well, duh, heartbreaks will do that to you, but if you read her initial post, she is all over the place. She was all over the place prior to the heartbreak and continues after.

[vmrhine18]

Well, duh, heartbreaks will do that to you, but if you read her initial post, she is all over the place. She was all over the place prior to the heartbreak and continues after.

 

I read her initial post. I still think she's normal.

[Mmmc228]

Hi Mmmc228. I just read your entire thread and your situation reminds me of my BU so much. I started a self healing blog but also put it in the "getting back together" section because I really do hope my ex and I will be able to reconcile. I won't type out my entire story because you can read my thread if you are interested but I can sense myself in your writing. I too became very insecure with my relationship with my boyfriend. I was constantly afraid he was going to leave me that I inevitably pushed him away. There's a lot of other reasons as well, but that's probably the main reason why he decided to end it. He thought he wasn't making me happy anymore.

 

I feel the same way as you, all over the place. One day I'm fine the next I'm angry and the next I'm crying. I was with my guy for almost 9 years too so a big part of me has been ripped away.

 

Hi there. I'm so sorry that you're going through this - especially since he was a big part of your life for nine years, but I want you to know that I'm here for you! And many other people on this website are here for you too.

 

I'm glad that you started a self-healing blog too. It has helped me tremendously. At the end of the day I usually post in it and vent my feelings. This ultimately helps me from reaching out to him. I'm almost at 2 weeks NC. I can promise you it gets better. I read your thread, and I know that NC would be hard for your situation

 

As for the insecurities we both dealt with, I hope that we can both take this as a learning experience. That we can treat the men in our future relationships (whether that be with our exs again or someone new) better and more naturally.

 

I'll be honest, a lot of the time I still hope that we will get back together. But this breakup has helped me focus on myself... and I know that I'm not in control of our reconciliation, it's out of my hands. But I'm also not gonna beg for him. I already did that once. We have to be strong.

 

Please feel free to message me if you want! I think we have a lot in common and we are about the same age too. I know how hard it is, trust me.

[ashley b]

Hi! I'm feeling pretty horrible today. How are you? It's about three weeks since my breakup but only about 2 days NC. I don't know why today has been so hard.

 

Anyways, does your ex still look at your snapchat stories (that is, if you have one?). Mine hardly ever went on social media before we broke up but now its like the second I post something he's ALL over it. I know I probably read too much into it, but I don't even follow him anymore. I guess if I didn't want anything to do with someone anymore, I wouldn't be creeping around lol

[Tommybitt]

I've recently suffered a hard breakup. I've been reading this post and am intrigued.

I think mostly because it is taking my mind off my ex, but more so because I'm hurting real bad and need to find something to help this pit i have in my stomach.

 

I am day 3 of NC. Had to unfriend her on FB because I couldn't resist going to her page and looking at our pics

(I erased all of our pics from my page).

I feel slightly proud I was able to unfriend her but also slightly terrified that if she were to ever reconsider me, this may have caused bitterness that otherwise did not exist in the breakup.

Maybe that's me just still slightly clinging to false hope.

[Mmmc228]

Hi! I'm feeling pretty horrible today. How are you? It's about three weeks since my breakup but only about 2 days NC. I don't know why today has been so hard.

 

Anyways, does your ex still look at your snapchat stories (that is, if you have one?). Mine hardly ever went on social media before we broke up but now its like the second I post something he's ALL over it. I know I probably read too much into it, but I don't even follow him anymore. I guess if I didn't want anything to do with someone anymore, I wouldn't be creeping around lol

 

Hi again! I'm sorry about the day you had.. I hope today was a better one, but for the first three/four weeks I cried non-stop, so I hope you're doing better than me.

 

NC does get better.. I used to check my phone constantly and hope to hear from him. Thing is, it always happens when you're least expecting it.

 

I haven't used any social media since 2 weeks ago when I started NC! I'm so sensitive.. I didn't want to see his stuff. My only advice is to try not to look at his things and if you have to post anything, just make it appear as if you're going on with your life (cause you're trying to, I'm sure!) but don't try to make him jealous or play games cause that'll come back to bite you in the butt.

 

Let me know how you're doing!

[Mmmc228]

I've recently suffered a hard breakup. I've been reading this post and am intrigued.

I think mostly because it is taking my mind off my ex, but more so because I'm hurting real bad and need to find something to help this pit i have in my stomach.

 

I am day 3 of NC. Had to unfriend her on FB because I couldn't resist going to her page and looking at our pics

(I erased all of our pics from my page).

I feel slightly proud I was able to unfriend her but also slightly terrified that if she were to ever reconsider me, this may have caused bitterness that otherwise did not exist in the breakup.

Maybe that's me just still slightly clinging to false hope.

 

Hi Tommybitt! I'm sorry to hear that trust me, I know how you feel and I can promise it does get better.. you stop checking your phone and thinking about them constantly.

 

I'm not gonna say NC is easy, because it's really not at all. But every day gets a tiny bit better. And then you might have a setback or two, but you'll push through stronger.

 

I'm really glad that my thread distracted you!!

 

And I did the same thing as you. I unfriended him on all social media, but I didn't block him cause I was afraid that might be a little too far. Like you, I was worried that he'd see it and not reconsider in the future because he would get a bad vibe.. but I really had to do it for ME. I knew I couldn't heal if I looked at his page all the time! Seeing his face just takes me back. It's the worst.

 

Thing is, we need to move on - regardless of if they come back or not. If they do, our relationships will be better BECAUSE we moved on and love ourselves more. And if they don't, we will be okay. WIN/WIN.

 

It's still hard... I'm on day 15 and I want to text him really badly because I found a picture of him earlier in my room that I thought I had thrown away. I ripped it up lol.