"Should I bring this up with my GF tonight?" help

[IBM]

A little background info.

Been together now for 10-11months now but officially BF/GF for about less than half of that. We both love eachother, she left her ex for me.

 

Question:

 

"Should I bring this up with my GF tonight?"

 

This is pretty much what I would start out with and follow it up with a series of questions to my GF.

 

"Iam going out on a limb here! Please excuss me for what Iam about to say.

 

-I have some concerns that I would like to talk to you about. I am doing this because I know that communication is very importand in any relationship. And of course most important, trust and with that I start.

 

First, of all I would like to say that I am the jealous type,

because of the ovious. I don't want to lose you to another and

I have a very low selfesteem.

 

Second, I often jump into conclusion about things.

 

With that in mind...I would like to ask and clarify some things with you.

 

-For a girl with a BF you sure do talk to a lot of guys.... I can take guy friends(guys that I know and her old guy friends excluding ex's) but guys that you just meet and talk to online bothers me. I wonder if these guys that you talk to know that you are taken and that you have a BF.

-Are you looking around still thats why you are doing this.

-Would you sleep around or have you already did? and if you are would you finally tell me. (I am scared because after all you did sleep with me while you were with your BF at that time, your ex now.)

 

In short, I am feeling very insecure especially when you talk to guys online and you tell them where you are from and work. I fear that something might happen while I am not there. Ever since I found some "hairs" in the back seat of the car. I guess ultimatly what I am asking you is that are you going to cheat on me or did you already cheat on me?"

 

 

 

This is what I am going to bring up and say when majority tells me to. A little help or advice from you guys would help.

[Sn0man]

I wouldn't start throwing accusations around unless you really think that she's cheating on you. I know how it is to be jealous, but talking to people online really isn't something to worry too much about, unless she's talking to people on dating sites or trying to hide it from you, then I would be a little concerned.

 

What, other than finding some hair in your car, makes you think she's cheating? Rest assured, if you accuse her and she's not cheating, your going to end up destroying your relationship...nobody likes to be mistrusted. So just make sure your suspicions are founded and not just based on jealousy.

[tiger_lilies]

It sounds like you already have suspisions of her cheating on you?

 

If I were her and I had not been cheating, then I would take offense to your accusations. I suggest wording it a lot differently. I also suggest that you don't accuse her of cheating or accuse her of planning on cheating on you since I don't think that would rub anyone the right way. Get what I mean? Also, not to tell her that she can't chat with people on-line because no one likes to be 'controled'.

 

I'd also suggest telling her about your insecurities...probably start the conversation with that and tell her the reasons why. Perhaps she is not paing enough attention to you?

[Day_Walker]

Thats a lot of jealousy and insecurity to throw out there. First of all I would like to suggest that you dont say any of that. You arent going to accomplish anything by putting all of that out there. If you feel that your gf is cheating on you then what you need is proof not to ask her to her face. You will notice if a girl is cheating on you because her actions towards you will change, this is the biggest thing that you can look for. Once you have noticed a behavior change then you can proceed from there. Since you claim to be the jealous type there is something that you need to know, you cannot control what she is going to do or what she is going to say to these other guys, so dont believe you have control over that. If she decides to cheat on you then she makes that choice to do so. At this point you need to calm down and realize that nothing good will come out of saying what you have mentioned here, take a different approach and look at her actions. Instead of worry about if she is cheating on you at this point, have fun with her.

[Cecelius]

If you want her to dump you for some other dude, be certain to advertise your insecurities...

 

First, before you talk to her, examine your insecurities, with a view to eliminating them. This is a loaded issue and too much for this post, but there are ways through insecurities, and they do not have anything to do with support from your girl. You're a man and a man can support himself.

 

Second, whether you get over your insecurities or not, do not advertise them to her. No one on the planet is attracted to weakness. Until you can really be confident about it, don't advertise it.

 

Third, face facts: she cheated on her last b/f. Whether she will or not in the future on you, no one knows, though I believe that the past is relevant to predicting the future. Just make it clear which part of her conduct is not okay, and shut it down (it also has to be inappropriate -- how it happens to make you feel is not that important if there's nothing wrong with it).

 

Fourth, remember always that you can walk away. In fact, this is the best cheating prevension I can think of aside from keeping her interested and giving her your best work: make it clear that if she messes up, you are gone.

[IBM]

thank you for all of you guy's reply and post.

 

unfortunately, your advise came too late and i already did it out of plain old stupidity. luckily she just took it as it is and nothing bad happened. we just talked it out and it became a trust issue and we both said our relationship is based on trust and we should always talk if anything bothers us and that we can work things out all the time. and sure enough we worked things out after that.

 

for all the pple that saw this post please check out my other post coz it relates to this one some how... but keep in mind that this post is resolved and a new one just came up.

 

once again thanks a lot for helping this noob!