He said it's a break.. is still coming to see me tomorrow!

[never-too-late]

Hello everyone,

 

i have read some of the posts here and it's inspiring how you all are trying to help each other! It also seems that a lot of you are experiencing a similar situation as me! I am new here and I was wondering if you could give me some good advice on my heartbreaking situation??!! I would greatly appreciate it since I am not really sure what to do myself! I am kind of desparate for an advice!

 

Well, about two weeks ago my b/f then broke up with me. Our one year and 2 months long relationship became long-distance for the past 6 months. It has not been easy because of the distance but we made efforts to see each other. But it always felt like I was planning ahead our visits and I was prepared to go and see him often...He has just started his new proper job so he was a little bit more careful about planning our visitis. We had quite a lot of arguments because of that. Despite that we both expressed our love for each other and I thought we could overcome the distance and I thought our love was strong enough to wait for each other.

 

Well, about a month ago he has been distancing a lot because of the difficulties we were facing and he was saying he was loosing his motivation for the relationship.. He has withdrawn quite a lot so of course I started to worry and as much as I tried to give him space I was missing him too much and I became quite needy of him! I was missing his love but he changed! He wasn't he same! I decided to go and see him because I thought maybe he needs to see me in person to be able to get the relationship back where it was!! But it actually made things worse! That weekend he was trying to be nice and caring but he was somewhat closed to me.. he said that way he didn't have to miss me so much and we wouldn't be so affected with each other and we would fight less and he would hurt less. But for me it was hard to cope with his emotional distance! So that weekend the problem escalated because I kept asking him if he is ever going to be close to me again and if he is always going to be distant like this... he was quite annoyed with my questions and he kept saying it's the way I am.. but I said to him but you used to be different.. he said now it's different! We got into an argument and he broke up with me! He said he was sick of the fights and with the way the relationship was going.. he said we don't see each other often and even if we do, we fight! There is no point in continuing!

 

I was gutted that night i didn't sleep, i didn't eat, he slept in a different room! I was crushed! It was as if he hated me! He said he wants to run away from everything.. to breathe.. to be free! He said he felt as if he was in a cage! I guess I suffocated him! without realising!

 

The next day he came to me and he was trying to talk to me.. but I was too hurt! I was crying! I was speechless! He was trying to make me feel better but I was too hurt to say anything or to do anything! I asked him if we could lie down. He was hesitating at first but then we did and he hugged me so strongly and he said he was sorry but he said that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship... he said that he is not happy with his own life so he can't give m what I deserve and he said that he wants to be free and to see what else is out there.. he said he hasn't been happy about us for a while! he said he doesn't want to say it's a final break up and that he is sad as much as I am.. we then agreed that it's going to be a break.

 

But is there a difference between a break and a final break up? He is actually coming to visit me tomorrow in my place! He is going to spend the easter break with me. I am not sure what to expect and whether to expect anything! I am not sure how to behave with him! I have this last hope that he could change his mind this weekend? Please help! Do you think there is anything I should do or I shouldn't do this weekend that could bring him back to me? I haven't been contacting him since the break. He has initiated contact a few times and yesterday he emailed me asking me about our plans for this weekend.. a friend of mine told me that he is probably coming here as a good friend but i can't be his friend! I love him and it's been only 2 weeks since the break. What do you all think about this?

[chai714]

Welcome to the forum.

 

One good piece of advice: don't sleep with him. If you do, you will be telling him that the milk is free.

 

In terms of how you act, be yourself. Don't make any demands of getting back together, or any talks of it. If you can, appear as if it does not affect you too much, and that you're getting along just fine and are independent. This, in turn will make you much more attractive and drives your value up through the roof. Your love will then become a great bargain.

[esboogie143]

this is unbelievable that ur situation is more/less like mine at this particular time. Life is soooo crazy!!! I wish I had some strong advise for you but honestly since we are in the same boat I must say that it is the hardest thing to go through and I will need to follow the advise as well that others in the forum gives you...

[Nv628]

I hear what you are saying even though I want to give you advice, I am kind of broken hearted myself. Perhaps what you guys need is a break. Take it slow hun -

[never-too-late]

Hi everyone!

 

HE went back yesterday afternoon. It was a very nice weekend actually! It was hard at times but the strange thing was that HE was so caring, sweet and he behaved to me as if we are still together.. he was holding my hands, he was pretty affectionate with me!

 

When I met him on Friday evening it was a little strange between us. I guess we both didn't really know how to behave with each other because we were always used to being together as a couple and suddenly we were supposed to behave differently. It was quite amusing because he suddenly asked me where did I go on Thursday evening afer talking to him on msn. He was really curious. I said I had an arrangement.. and he asked what kind of arrangement.. and we started to tease each other.. I said to him 'why do you want to know?" and he said "tell me.. where did you go?" and I made up a story that I went to a party.. and he said "I see to meet your new boyfriend?" .. I said "well there was a guy who asked for my number".. it wasn't serious conversation. but it was quite amusing how curious he was! he then said "im sure you ended the conversation so suddenly because you wanted me to ask you where you went". I said "that's not true.. I really had to go"..

 

anyway, the next day we spent the day sightseeing! We were walking around, taking photos.. he was holding my hand and was hugging me.. it was really nice but at the same time it was hard of course! We then decided to go for a small lunch and he actually started to talk about us.. I said to him that it's nice of him he decided to spend the Easter break with me! he said he is happy to hear that! He asked me if I spoke to my parents and told them that we are broken up! I said yes. he said he spoke to his mum about it. I asked him what did he tell her and he said that it was because of the distance, that it's hard to have a relationship with someone who doesn't live in the same country and that i wanted to be more seriuos than he was ready. It was quite sad at that time.. I said to him that it's quite confusing because we are behaving as if we are still together and he said that he knows and that if I prefer being distant with each other he will respect it! Well, we talked a little bit more and he said to me that he is being honest with me that he thinks that it's not black and white. he said that he spoke to his flatmates about me and told them that he is still coming to see me for the Easter and appareantly they told him that he shouldn't and that once you break up with someone you shouldn't keep seeing each other and you should just break up! He said he was a little annoyed with them because he doesn't feel that way! he said that he would respect if I asked for no contact but he said that maybe we both will experience two other relationships and then we will realise that we still want to be together afterwards! he says that of course he will have to respect if I meet someone else. But he kept saying that of course he would not be happy if I decided to stop our contact and if I decided to find someone else but he said he would have to respect it! I said to him that I don't want to feel like I am here filling the gap before he meets someone new and then he will drop me and will not know me anymore! He said that he will not do that to me.. he said that he will want to hear from me and he will still want to contact me.. He said it will be a test for us!

 

Anyway, after that we decided to go for a walk and to lie down in a park. I received a text message from a friend of mine and he was asking who it was and whether it was "my new boyfriend"! i could feel he was a little afraid if I met someone else! In the evening we went to see a musical! It was great! We both really enjoyed it! Again he was holding me and hugging me! After that we had to run to catch a train to go back to my place! When we got on the train.. he was telling me how much he enjoyed the musical and how much he is bored with his job and basically he was telling me how he feels about his job and what he wants to do and so on.. it felt good because he was sharing his worries with me.

 

The next day we cooked together.. when we met we used to cook together.. we really enjoy it! it was really nice.. we had fun and it was enjoyable! then we went for a walk in my city. it's where we met so he was quite nostalgic.. we went to a fun fair and then for a dinner and then we hired a DVD and spent the evening watchig a movie.. it was quite a relaxing day! yesterday he had to leave. it was really hard actually! The thing was because it was a bank holiday he couldn't get any seat on a coach so he had to take a train. he had an open dated ticket for a coach which is valid for 3 motnhs. he gave me the ticket. I then told him that I can go with him to take him to the airport. he started to say that he thought it was too expensive for me to pay for that.. just to spend 2 more hours on the train with him... but I insisted that I would like to go with him ... I couldn't let go.. I started to worry that it's the last time we see each other and he said that he doesn't think so that I can come and visit him sometimes.. I was sad and I coudn't help crying and he hugged me! I said to him again that I would like to go with him to see him off at the airport and he got a little annoyed and he said that each time if i am sad like this when we are saying good bye that he shouldn't be so close wtih me and he should keep his distance with me because it's hard for me and he said he doesn't want to see me hurting and he said we are now as if we are still together and then he said I don't want you to get confused!.. I said to him that it's not fair what he has just said because we spent such a weekend together.. so then we said bye.

 

After a little while he sent me a text saying he was sorry about what happened at the train station and that we would not be able to sit next to each other because it's full and he then said "thanks for the weekend! it was nice!"

 

Anyway, yesterday night i was online and he signed in and he said I just wanted to let you know that I am back.. and he asked me if I was ok.. I said yes I am ok and I asked him if he was angry and he said "no, why would I be?" I said to him that I had a really nice weekend with him and that I don't regret it at all and that I am not suffering.. I don't want him to think that because he came here that it hurt me.. because it's not true and he said "I hope so".. I said that it was just hard to say bye.. and I said to him that I enjoyed the weekend and it meant a lot to me tha the came to see me..

 

i guess the worst thing is that he behaved with me here as if we are a couple and he was actually really caring and sweet and then once he was leaving he became a little annoyed and distant.. how do I behave with him now?

[whatIknowNow]

You are a sweet gal and deserve so much better then what you are getting. Believe me when I say this guy will break your heart over and over again. Any thing that you do to encourage further contact with him will either scare him away, (fear of engulfment) or feed his ego so much that he thinks he can stomp on your feelings (emotional abuse) in order to get what ever he wants from you.

He was just missing you and that is why he came back for a visit. He was only testing the waters. Websters Dictionary defines distancing as: to leave far behind, and that I am afraid, is what he is doing to you. Better to know that now, then to open your heart again and have it abused. Emotionally mature people who really love you, don't run away if there is the possiblity of a future together. If there isn't, they leave you with a final goodbye (closure) and you are not left guessing what their behavior meant. Bottom line: Love shouldn't hurt!

It's time to move on and let your heart heal. Good luck to you and take care of yourself.

[never-too-late]

It's been really hard since he has gone back home after we spent such a nice weekend together! I miss him and I think about him quite a lot actually! I feel pain inside me but I am trying to be strong about it.. It's so hard though! I met my friends on Friday evening and they took me to a bar and we had a nice chat... we haven't seen each other for a long time so there was a lot to catch up on! On Saturday they took me for an afternoon trip and we spent a nice afternoon by the beach talking, relaxing and enjoying the sun! I must say that they managed to occupy my mind but there were times I felt really sad and I kept checking my cell phone.. I thought maybe he will send me a text message.. I thought maybe he will be worried why I haven't replied to his email.. well, I haven't received any message! Does it mean that he does not care anymore? How could it happen after such a nice weekend we spent together! On Saturday evening I met another friend of mine and she took me clubbing! I must say it's really hard to be on your own again.. being single again..It felt strange! When I saw a couple kissing or hugging I had to go away! I couldn't look at them! I was so sad inside... I was imagining he might be kissing someone else.. I was thinking about him.. I was sad that we are not anymore together! My friend tried quite hard to support me.. we were drinking and then we went on a dance floor.. I haven't been dancing like this for a long time so it was quite strange and at first I was really protective of myself! I wouldn't let anyone come closer to me or even look at me.. but slowly I felt I was dancing and enjoying myself.. but I would not let a guy talk to me! I want to be on my own and I don't want any guy to come up to me. Anyway the types of guys we saw last night were not really the guys I go for so that was another reason why I was so in my own world! When we were walking home my friend mentioned to me that it must be really hard for me now.. well, it is actually! I miss him terribly! I missed him so much last night! I came back and now I am at home feeling bad because i haven't replied to his email! I worry he is going to forget me now and think that I don't care, I am moving on so he won't contact me again!

 

You know I am so sad thinking about the situation and I just cannot understand how could he move on so easily! How could he be so close, affectionate, sweet with me last weekend and then he left home and he is single again! He has only sent me that one email after such a weeekend! It's making me sad that he doesn't seem to wonder why am I not replying! It's making me sad that he doesn't call to ask if everything is ok.. I worry now that after what had happened at the train station made him think that he should keep his distance, he should not talk to me and we should not see each other again! You know when he was leaving I really really wanted to go with him to the airport and he said that I was behaving as if we were still together and he told me if he sees me sad like this he thinks it's not a good idea to be so close with each other! But it was so hard after such a nice weekend and we were really close this weekend! It felt really as if we were not broken up! And now he is gone and I really don't know what he might be thinking? I sent him an email that evening to reassure him that I wasn't hurt because he came and that I really enjoyed our weekend and so on.. as I said in my previous thread to you! I miss him so much now! I am wondering how could he be so sweet, caring, affectionate and close with me this weekend and now he is able to be on his own again without contacting me? Is it possible for him to just have this great weekend with me and then go and think ok it was a great weekend! now it's time to be single again! Is it really possible? because it's hard for me! If he was acting distant and cold with me and just kept it friendly with me! But to be honest with you we were not keeping it friendly this weekend! It was really as a couple behaviour from his side and mine! I worry now if he is going to be distant with me because he worries now that I am sad after he has gone so he doesn't want to make me feel sad!

 

I received an email from HIM on Friday afternoon! the email says:

 

How are u? what are u doing? are u ready for your new job on monday?

i look forward for the weekend....

 

xxx

 

I didn't have the opportunity to reply to him on Friday because I decided to go away for the weekend to visit some very good friends of mine! I want to send him an email back but I am not sure what to say! Guys would you have an advice for me please?? I worry he won't contact me again because I didn't reply to him straight away!!

 

I still love him and I still hope! When we were out with my friends I couldn't see anyone else! It's like he is the picture of my mind!

[never-too-late]

My heart is beating fast!!

 

He has just sent me a text message! He said: how are you? how was your weekend? i wish you good luck for your new job tomorrow! xxx

 

I still haven't replied to his email and now I don't know what to reply to his text? I am scared about it all.... it's a strange feeling! I miss him! I am quite surprised he hasn't said anything about the fact that I haven't replied to his email

 

What should I say back to him? I am so worried about doing the wrong thing!

[never-too-late]

I knew once I reply to him something is going to go wrong! I am feeling down and upset! I sent him an email back about an hour ago and I said:

 

im sorry I wasn't able to answer earlier..I have had a lot on my mind recently and I was away for the whole weekend and didn't get back till late last night! thank you for your messages! It's very nice of you to think about me and wish me good luck for today! I spent my weekend with friends of mine! went to the beach and to pubs and a night club.. it was such a nice and warm weekend!

 

My first day at work was quite good! It was just an introductory day and I met some of my new colleagues. I hope you are well and had a good weekend too!

 

What I said in the email was honest and what I would write to a friend of mine... I know that you suggested that I should not apologise but I did because he sent me 3 messages so I felt a little bad because we normally reply to each other within a very short time..

 

anyway, he replied like 30 minutes later and said the following:

 

are u not ok? u say u have a lot on your mind, what is it? Is it because of us?

 

I'm happy u could enjoy the weekend with friends it seems u had much fun.

 

i spent a good weekend enjoying the sun. my previous housemate (the mongolian

girl was here) with her boyfriend were here, so i showed them paris.

 

are u sure u were happy i sent u an email and a text message? i expected u

could answer me but maybe i was wrong...

 

good night

 

xxx

 

What does he mean? What does his last sentence mean? He sounds angry and disappointed that I didn't answer to his messages ealier! But I did send him an email and I did say I was sorry! He sounds worried that I have a lot on my mind because of us.. well it's not only because of us.. yes partly but I have been thinkig about my new job and other things.. do you think he is not going to write to me again? I feel that he won't send me a message again! I feel that I ruined everything because I didn't answer to his messages! I am so sad

What should I reply to him? But I am honestly happy he sent me the messages! I missed him and I honestly meant it that it was nice of him to think of me..What should I say back? I am so scared now! He sounds upset with me! I don't want to loose him! I still miss him so much and I still love him so much!I am in tears!!!! I have signed on msn because a friend of mine asked me to have a chat and he was signed on! I thought he would not be anymore because it's late at night! He said hi and then he asked me to his email.. he then said that if i prefer he will not contact me because I don't answer to him! I said I honestly couldn't asnwer earlier but he seemed tense and upset! He then said he is sorry and he tried to make a conversation and he asked me what is on my mind and I said nothing because I felt so upset that he was blaming me like this.. He said that he said he is sorry and he then said for god sake I apologised to you and you still keep going on! I said I am sad he doesn't trust me when I said that I am happy to receive his emails and I couldn't honestly answer.. he said "I said sorry for god's sake! What other language should I use so you can understand me"! I started to cry and he said "so how was today!" and I said "ok" and he said "that's all!? ok well you don't want to talk to me so Im going to bed! Bye!" I didn't say anything and he said "are you there? I said good night!" I said "good night" and I signed off but while I was signing off he said something else but I didn't receive it so I signed on again because I knew he was upset and he was still online but when I signed on back again he signed off! I cannot believe he was with me like he was! He said he won't send me messages anymore because I don't answer to them! I said to him that he seems a little tense with me again! He said that I don't understand him that once he says he is sorry I should just be ok and carry on with our conversation but i was upset to carry on as normal! I feel bad now that I didn't reply straight away! I think this is the END! I think now he won't talk to me ever again and he won't contact me ever again!! Why was he with me like this tonight? i didn't mean to annoy him but he was annoyed a lot with me! He didn't seem to be there for me today as he had promised he would be there! I am so sad! Do you think I was wrong? i mean I couldn't keep it cheery with him because he was so tense! Do you think he expects me to react and send an email to him? Do you think I should be keeping in touch with him more often? do you think he will not talk to me again now? I feel so bad now! Please help!

 

 

I was strong and I didn't send him a message or an email after yesterday's conversation that went so wrong! He has just sent me an email that says:

 

hope u're ok today and work is going well! I'm sorry about yesterday, i told u

many times yesterday I'm sorry so u shouldnt have got so upset. I thought u

didnt want to reply to me so i was worried. BUt after u told me the reason, i

trusted u but u kept on doubting. But i tell u u shouldnt. I trust u! so dont

get so offended please.

 

Have a good day and sorry again

 

So I guess I was the guilty one! Do you think I should reply back? I feel afraid that if I don't.. he won't talk to me ever again or he will not send me another message ever again! What should I do? Please help!

[sadCara]

It seems like he's really missing you. Can't let go, like his emotions are all in turmoil.

 

He doesn't want you going out with people because he is paranoid you will find someone else to replace him.

Just be careful, and if you really really want to stay friends then tell him that. But please emphasize the word friends.

Tell him that your ok, and ask him to move on. He is very used to you as you are to him.

 

I'm going through the same thing, I talk to my ex like we are close friends too. He however wants me to move on, to do other things and basically get my life together.

Try doing that with your ex. Hope everything works out.

[never-too-late]

Thanks for your reply! I miss him too!!! I still have strong feelings for him! He was the one who broke up at the end.. I don't want to be friends with him because I still hope and I still have feelings for him.. that's why it's hard for me when he behaves the way he does! I don't know what to do to be honest because I really would like to be with him but he doesn't want to be with me in a relationship but at the same time he gets angry when I don't reply immediately..it's so strange! For example, now I haven't heard from him for 2 days so I wonder what is going on! I wonder if he said to himself I won't send her a text or email because she won't answer.. but you can't imagine how much I would love to hear from him but I don't want to chase him just in case.. I have not been contacting him at all. it's been always him! last time we talked he said he was really unhappy with his life and when I tried to be supportive he told me not to ask any questions.. he seemed tense so I said I'll be here if he needs to talk.. well he hasn't called me nothing! I just don't know! I am so confused about it all! I miss him so much! I worry he might meet someone else too! Well he said when he ended it that he would like to see what else is out there but I don't want to see what else is out there!

I still love him!

[Lonley26]

I know how you feel you still want him in your life even though it is not as a relantionship. That damn hope is a powerfull emotion. I too dont want to see what else is out there but my x apparently does. I am trying n/c with her alhough we keep breaking it and everytime we do no matter who breaks it I feel worse. N/C is the only way to make them know what they are missing. Hope of getting back with him when he still hasnt realized what he is going to lose is false hope. Make him miss you by not being his saftey net. He left you, now leave him by taking back your love and support. Either way it is for the best.

[never-too-late]

It's Friday evening and I have no news from him since last time we spoke online.. since last time he was angry wtih me because I didn't reply to him ealier..

 

I have not contacted him since myself and I haven't been signing online! Do you think he will never contact me again because he thought I don't reply to his messages anyway?! But he doesn't know that I miss his messages and I was happy to hear from him!! He probably thought because I didn't reply I wasn't happy and now he doesn't send a message anymore! It's so hard!! I am not sure if no contact was the right step! Maybe he thinks I lost interest in him but that's not the truth at all! I feel like giving him a call or sending him a message! He spent such a nice weekend here with me 2 weeks ago and now we are not even talking to each other and we don't contact each other! I am worried if the no contact is right from my side because I wouldn't like to loose him completely but it seems like I have lost him already! It's so hard to know what to do! I miss him terribly especially now that is a weekend! I am going out with my housemate and some of her friends but I think of him all the time! It's so hard to know what he might be thinking and expecting of me at the moment? My housemate told me that not necessarily every guy is the same and not necessarily every guy wants to be always the one who is chasing.. I don't know what to do! I feel very low actually!

 

I have just come back from a night club and there were a couple of guys interested.. one of them was actually pusueing me heavily but I am not intersted! I still think of my ex a lot and I miss him so much! I have just got home and I feel so lonely without him! I am sure he is out.. probably pursuing girls.. I would like to talk to him but I am worried now! should I contact him? maybe he really thinks I lost interest in him but the fact is I haven't and I still love him and think of him so much! If only he knew

[sadCara]

Hi hun,

I feel for you. The good news is that it has only been about 3 or 4 days. It's not even a week yet. I know it seems like a lot. He seems to flip flopping with the way he feels. Most likely he is rerally depressed, and that is causing him to be irrational at times.

Right now, i feel like i made a mistake by wanting to talk to my ex yesterday... He said it seemed like i'm calling him even more than when we were together. (that hurt actually) Made me realize something about myself. I did call a bit much, that's my fault, don't know what came over me.

The only plan i can suggest is for you to take it one step at a time. Set a target for yourself. If within a week he doesn't make contact with you and you are very worried (which i can tell you are), drop him a short e-mail just asking how he is. Nothing emotional but a friendly short e-mail.

Atleast this will be something or him and for you. It will no doubt make both of you feel better. If he wants to call you, after the e-mail he will. Remember you are still the closest person to him. So if needs to talk to someone, be there for him, show him by your actions and not by telling him, let him know that everything will be alright.

And please don't be scared of his reply, try not to get your emotions all ruffled up again. Just take yourself out of it and calm him down.

I really hope both of you feel better.

[never-too-late]

I spoke to him today on msn and at first we had quite a nice chat about anything.. but then we started to talk about us.. i said to him if he would like to meet each other again and he replied "why are you asking me that?" he then said "yes but I don't know when". I said the reason why I am asking because I miss him and he replied and said "I miss you a bit". he then said that I shouldn't worry too much about us.. that it was him who made the decision to stop so I shouldn't blame myself. i said to him that I miss the times we had and he replied "ok. what are you trying to do now? it's like you want me to change my mind". I said that i am just being honest to tell him i miss him because last time we had such a nice time. He said "I know but it won't change my mind". He said nothing has changed since last time.. he said "I don't want to be with you now and I don't know about the future". he then said "i can see you are still hoping we will get back together because because you are asking me that after 2 weeks since last time I saw you". I said no it's just that i miss you and he said "ok. but you need to get used to. what can I do? i wanted to stop so I am not going to see you every time you miss me". I asked him so should I move on? he said "for now yes.but i told you already". I said so should I forget about us and he said "us maybe yes, me I hope not". I said to him that when he came last time he sounded as if it's not a final break up and now he sounds so sure and he said "i said one day maybe we can be together again but not after 2 weeks. im talking about years!!". i said to him i cannot believe that he was telling me to forget about us and he said "what is different from last time? I said to you I don't want you back now already before! nothing has changed". I said to him that he is talking to me now as if everything is final and over and he said "I never said I am not going to be with you again. but not before years because i won't change my mind after 6 months" he then said "you sound surprised" and I said "yes because you were talking differently before and behaving with me differently when you came here! He said "it's not truth" but i feel it is! he then said "of course it's difficult for me to let you move on but that's the best for you" I said to him "so it's completely the end? So why did you say before it was a break?" He replied "i said it because it was hard for me to break up and I didn't want to close any door if I want to go back again". I said so now you closed them? He said "no". He then said to me that he can see I was still hoping and that he doesn't want to explain himself to me all the time..

 

I said to him ok don't worry i'll move on! now I know the truth and he said "like a month ago! nothing has changed" but i know that it has changed because he wasn't behaving to me like he was sure and he wanted things completely over! I guess I am facing the reality now! He has made his mind up! I feel like he has met someone else because I didn't sound so convinced when he came to visit me 2 weeks ago

 

The worst thing was at the end of our conversation I said to him I'll move on! I said I wish you well and he said "so you won't talk to me now anymore? I said " I will but not now". he asked "if not now when then?" he said "so you accepted to talk to me and to see me only because you thought it would change my mind and we would get back together? he said you only thought about you!" I was so shocked when he said that! He then said "you didn't listen to me and you didn't understand me at all". I said to him that it's harsh of him to say that I only think of me because i don't think it's true and that I am trying to understand him but I need time to think! and he said "ok i'll give you time! see you then!" and then we finished our conversation!

 

I cannot understand the sudden change in his behaviour! He is so convinced now! he sounds so sure! he sounds like he knows that he doesn't want me now anymore! he was so different when he came here 2 weeks ago

 

I guess i talked to him today because i wanted to have some kind of clarity of what is going on with us but im quite hurt that he was like this! what should I do now? what do you think about what he said to me? i know it's pretty much clear but I guess it's so painful to accept it all! im really hurt now!

[sadCara]

Your right it is prety clear. That conversation you had with him was very emotional and heartbreaking.

Don't worry you will be fine (I guess i'm afraid that my ex one day will say something similar to me) Atleast he is for sure about his decision and VERY clear as to what we both should do after this whole thing...

 

That's something your ex is not doing....I honestly feel he is being unfair to you. He wants YOU to move on with your life, which i definitely think you should. (I'm actually a little mad at him for you!) But he wants to keep that "door" open for himself some years from now. That is cheesy.

 

If you don't want to talk to him, Please don't. I agree he is sending out mixed signals, then getting angry at you for confusing them. He is not sorted out himself, just leave him be. You said the right things to him.

As for him making you feel guilty, that was a low blow. Keeping in contact is not your fault, YOU were not being selfish, but extending a line of friendship. I think your a good person so for the sake of yourself, and keeping your emotional health, try NC for a little while. Keep your friends around you.

 

Later on once you feel more secure about youself, you can talk to him again.

I really hope YOU feel better. Take care of yourself, remember that this guy is leading you on unnecessarily, don't let him!

[never-too-late]

I forgot to add that he sent me an email this afternoon:

 

Yesterday I told him that I need time to move on and he sent me an email today:

 

I'm sorry about last time, i didnt mean to hurt u! of course i still like u and

i miss u! but as i already said, i want to experience other things and i cant

look backwards all the time, that's why it's good for both of us to move on. But

that doesnt mean that i want to completely forget u! not at all! and i d be

happy to see u again , that's for sure! but i dont know if it 's a good idea so

soon, if we want to forget a bit our relation... what do u think? and after this email we had the phone conversation and then the final chat online..

 

it's so hard to let go!! It's so hard to know if I made the right decision? what if I lost him completely now!??

 

PS Thanks for your replies!! I really do appreciate them!

[never-too-late]

It's been only a few days and I MISS HIM terribly! I actually feel sad and I think I am hurting even thought I try not to think about it all the time! but I think I was hoping that my decision will move him a little that he may send me a message but he hasn't! He has not said a single word since our last conversation! I know that realistically I should not expect anything from him because it was my decision to cut the contact completely but I cannot actually accept and imagine that we would not hear from each other! I am seriously doubting my decision!!! I lost someone who I love so much because I decided something that was against my will! It's crazy!! Do you think it would be a mistake to send me him a message? I am scared that if I don't and I will try to contact him later like in a month or so he will not respond to me anymore! It's so hard!! I feel that it was a mistake to close the door completely!! I still love him so much and I still miss him terribly! I miss his messages and his emails! They used to make me happy and now I decided not to be open to him anymore! I took away my happiness by my decision! I think it was wrong??!!! I am sad! I can't deal with the fact that he would not be longer a part of my life! He has been so so important for me and now I rejected him so much! I was stupid!!

[never-too-late]

You wouldn't believe what happened last night!! After sending the emails to each other I thought he would not contact me again! I decided to go out yesterday night with a friend of mine! It was quite a good night but I realised that I am not intersted in anyone else and I still miss him so so much! I didn't go to bed until about 2.30 am.. At 4 am THE PHONE RINGS!! When I answered it was HIM!! He started to tell me that he went out with his friends and that he misses me a lot! and that he has been thinking about me a lot these days especially after I made the decision to cut contact! He started to say that I conquered his heart and I am under his skin and that he misses me so much! He said that he is lost and that he just cannot understand himself because he actually said to me that he was happy with me and that I am pretty and a really nice girl so he can't understand himself why can't he just be happy with what he has! He said that he would like to hug me and kiss me and cuddle me.. he then asked me if I went out so I said I did go out and he started to say that he is fearing that I will meet someone else! he says that he is fearing that he will call me one day and I won't pick up the phone because I'll be with somebody else! I said to him that I am not looking for a relationship and for anyone else! He said that not now but later you will! I said to him but what about you? You might meet someone else as well and then you will drop me because she won't be happy that you still contact me.. he said that he won't accept that! he then said he doesn't know what to do that he is lost.. he started to say that he is sorry he called that he should not have done that because he is not respecting my decision! I said to him to stop saying that! That I am happy he called! He asked if I was sure? I said yes! Anyway, after that he asked me if we meet again.. I said yes we can in the future and he said are you sure? I said yes.. he said that he misses me! I said that I miss him too! He asked him if he is happy with his decision and he said that when he doesn't think about us he is but when he starts to think about me he isn't! But he keeps saying that he needs to respect it! I just cannot understand it why does he have to make it so hard on himself! He said he doesn't know either. But he then said that he can't go back because the problems would be still there. He said that the fact that it's a distance relationship it's hard for him! He then said I know that you are stronger than me! I said it's not truth! It's just that I appear stronger but it's hard for me too! I don't want him to think that I don't care and I want to move on because I am not intersted in him any longer! It's not truth! Anyway, I didn't beg and I didn't try to convince him. I just said ok and then we said good bye to each other! He sent me an email this morning which actually made me cry! It made me cry mainly because I feel that we are ending our relationship but we both still feel so strongly about each other and the fact that we don't live in the same country is not helping! Here is what he wrote:

 

I am sorry for last night, i woke you up and didnt respect your decision. It's

just that i really wanted to hear u because i missed u a lot. I didnt mean to

confuse u about my feelings but yes i still do like u a lot and i can't help!

But i promise i will respect now your decision, it's just that i was drunk and

it was quite soon after u explained me that u want to cut contact, so i got

emotional. I promise i won't do that again and the next time it will be you who will contact me and not me anymore for the reasons i said yesterday in my email. Forget about what i said on the phone, my emotions were stronger than my rationale but it's ok now. Of course i want to meet u in may but we

shouldnt because i didnt change my mind about us and so u need to respect your decision too.

 

Sorry if i dont call u but its easier for me by email than on the phone.

 

Actually I feel so sad because even though I made a decision to cut contact with him it's not what I really want in my heart! Of course I want to hear from him! I want him to contact me but he is thinking that he has to respect it and now he has even promised me he won't contact me again! It's killing me! What should I reply? I want him to know that the truth! I still love him and I want him back! I know it! When he called last night I was so happy to hear from him! Please help me what should I tell him! I am not sure I am really happy with my decision with cutting all the contact with him! It was so hard today but I haven't called yet! I am trying to be strong but I don't want to ignore his email either! I want him to know that he is in my heart! I care for him!! I don't want him to misunderstand me thining that I no longer love him and I no longer hope because I still do!!

[RainaBabe]

He said he hasn't changed his mind about the breakup. He knows how you feel about him. He tends to come crawling back when you have a life of your own, which strongly resonates with me as though he's keeping you as a backup while he has his fun. If he truly wanted to be with you, he'd find a way to do it, and not just call you up at 4am when he's drunk. Keep moving on. It'll get better, especially when he stops contacting you and you've had a chance to heal.

[never-too-late]

I want him to know that he is in my heart! I care for him so much! I don't want him to misunderstand me that I want to move on thinking that I no longer love him and I no longer hope because I still do!! Any suggestions how to respond to him?

 

 

I am feeling really lost at the moment! I don't know what to do! I want to tell him how I truly feel but I am not sure whether I should? I don't want to cut contact with him at the end of the day. i know that in my heart i don't want to! it's just something i am forced doing! What do you advise? thanks!! I think his phone call made me think about him a lot!

[RainaBabe]

I feel like I'm repeating myself. HE KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM. You need to leave him alone and focus on yourself now for a while. Revolving around him, making him the center of your universe, is not healthy and will only bring you misery.

[never-too-late]

I am finding it really hard not to be in contact with him! I am trying to move on but he is on my mind from the minute I wake up until the minute I fall asleep! I can actually feel the pain inside me! I chose not to have contact with him so i could heal and move on but I actually feel worse! I feel so empty without him! I feel unhappy without his messages... He said the same on the phone when he called me last!! The problem is that he thinks that he has to respect my decision and he said he will not contact me again.. he even made a promise that he won't! BUT in all actuallity it's not what I want!!! Should I call him and tell him how I feel? Maybe he doesn't know how I really feel about him! I mean if I was in his shoes I wouldn't know exactly because since the break up I haven't been beggin or calling.. my heart aches! Please what do you think? I am kind of desparate!

[never-too-late]

This is so so hard! I haven't talked to him since that phone call he made on Saturday morning.. but I must say I struggle with not contacting him every single day! As soon as I come back from work I check my email account and nothing He seems to be sticking to his word that he won't be the one contacting me first because it was my decision not to hear from each other but I find it so hard not to hear from him and not to speak to him! I miss him terribly and I wish I could just call him and talk to him! Also why did he ask me to promise him that we will see each other again and he also made a promise we will but in his last email he said that we shouldn't meet in may as we had discussed when he made the phone call! I wish I could see him! I cannot actually believe he gave up on me It hurts! I miss talking to him! I don't know whether I should call him? I am so tempted...

[never-too-late]

I chatted to his very good friend last night and we talked about the situation. She made me think completely differently now.. Basically she said that he does not really talk aobut it very much because he is a guy and he does not show his feelings but appareantly he told her that he is lost. she said she understood that he misses me a lot but is not strong enough for a serious relationship. Appareantly he asked her about me if she has had any news from me...Appareantly he told her that he does not dare to contact me because he wants to respect my decision when I decided that we should not hear from each other for some time. She asked me why don't I call him? I said that I thought if I don't contact him for some time, it could make him think and possibly realise his real feelings. She said that if I don't contact him he will probably not contact me either so we both will wait for the first one to contact... she was kind of telling me to contact him to talk to him.. but I am not sure what to do? whether I should? I am so tempted to unblock him on msn...Should I?