Meeting a person off Lavalife for the first time.

[BCBoy81]

So, I've been talking with this gal I met off Lavalife for over a month now.

All that time, we've both done the usual flirting, talking about common interests, astrology, music, etc.

 

I have made plans to be in this girl's city this coming weekend. But, this past weekend, I was at my sisters using her MSN and this girl and I are chatting on MSN and she says this:

 

"I just want to make one thing clear for when you come down. I just wanna hang out and be friends and stuff. Nothing romantic. Is that ok?"

 

(I'm paraphrasing, but that was about what she said)

 

When my sister read this over my shoulder, she knew the situation and just said "aww" and gave me a big hug. She knows I'm kind of on the market for someone new.

 

Now, I should point out at this time, I have been trying to move to her city since long before I met her. Life keeps throwing me curve balls. I should also point out that I'm 23, she's 28 - but we have LOTS in common.

 

In my experience, what she said could probably be translated thusly:

 

1) That she just wants to remain friends. End of story.

2) She wants to actually meet me and see where things go from there.

3) "Try Harder, Stupid"

 

Hard to really know what to do until I meet her. Personally, I think as the weekend grows closer, she may be getting a little more nervous and that can be expected. Could be she's met someone locally that she likes more than me.

 

*sigh*

 

I really dig her and I dunno if I could handle the "just friends" bit. I always get shafted to being "just friends".

 

What am I asking???? Well, what would you do in my position??

I think I'm just going to play it cool, and see how things go. But I went from being ecstatic that I am interested in someone new (been single over a year now) and now I'm just in the dumps that she said that.

[arwen]

Personally, I think it's sensible of her to say this. You haven't seen her, you don't know yet if there will be enough to build anything more than a relationship.

 

It could be explained in both ways: I would say something like this to avoid situations like an awkward attempt to a kiss or holding hands. It's more difficult to avoid that if you haven't made clear before that you want to be friends first.

 

I don't know, I don't think you should keep your hopes up too high. I think that she doesn't want to give you the wrong idea. A first time meeting in real life can be risky, I think it's also a form of protecting herself.

 

She still wants to meet, so I would simply go with the friend thing and take it from there without too many expectations. After all, being each others closest friend is in my opinion fundamental for any relationship.

 

Good luck!

 

Ilse.

[annie24]

I think it's option #2. I think she just wants to see how things go, and then move on from there. I met several men over the internet, and on the first dates, I never kissed or held hands with any of them. A hug, at most. I think she doesn't want to move to fast. And I think it's a good idea. Don't take it as her not being interested in you. Remember, if things go well, things can progress romantically in future dates.

 

Have fun!!!

[RayKay]

Yeah for Lavalife..thats how I found the love of my life

 

I think she is just going with Option 2....is trying to keep the pressure off for both of you at the moment until she can see how you two really click in real life. If you have been talking to someone online a while, sometimes expectations are built up and you don't really know until you meet in person if those are fair or not or accurate...because while it is online it is still all a fantasy and easy to build up that fantasy even more.

 

So go, have fun, but don't go into it with too many expectations, but an open mind - you never know!

[lil_unique_me]

Tricky, but i would have to say it is probably option 2 'cos you havn't seen her- or have u?

But to be honest don't get so paranoid as all this will do is eat away at you and make you have doubts that may in turn affect the weekend when you meet her and i don't think you wanna do that do u?

Just try not to worry about any of it, these things have a habit of working themselves out in the end.

Plus friends is a good thing to start with, that way you can get to know each other and if you decide the attraction is mutual then there you go and make sure your friendship is strong enough to last even if you do break up.

Catie xxx

[Day_Walker]

I believe that you have to keep options 1 and 2 in mind for this situation. You are going into the unknown here. Obviously you have an interest in this person but at this point she just wants to be friends with you. Now its possible that it could lead somewhere and its possible that it wont. What you need to do is go out with her and have fun with it.

[BCBoy81]

Allright, thanks guys! Just to answer a few questions, we have seen what eachother look like not only exchanging pictures, but also once on eachother's webcams. I will say we've done a little flirting on MSN but nothing hardcore. Also I think she may have an issue as she's 4 inches taller than me. I dunno. I leave tomorrow, so I shall soon find out! Gonna play it cool.

 

You think a yellow rose is out of line? That is the "friendship" flower, is it not?

[annie24]

Hmmm... I personally am giving the thumbs down to the yellow rose idea. You don't really even need to bring a flower. After all, this is "Date Zero." With most first dates, you have at least met each other somewhere before (at work, at a party, etc.) Even though you've seen pictures of each other and you've chatted, you don't know each other. Besides, yellow rose, you're declaring right away, "FRIENDS! Let's be friends!!!"

 

But, I dunno - that's just my opinion. I think others may like the idea.

 

I think it's funny how all the girls said option #2, but Day Walker says also, option #1. If she's on a dating site, she's looking for romance, not necessarily friendship. However, no one is going to come right out and say, "I'm looking for the love of my life!" No - that scares people away. That's why the say something like she did, "I'm looking for friends first..."

[BCBoy81]

K, no flowers then. lol

 

Gawd I hate social interaction.