Ex is already dating and I hate it

[SandyD]

I am so angry!!! Over a week ago I broke up with a guy because he wasn´t giving me the attention I needed, and other issues pertaining to him being so laid back. It was a very short relationship. After arguing about the same issue for 3 times, I finally pulled the plug for good. I felt he wasn´t willing to budge at all, and I couldn´t be happy with our current set-up.

 

He hasn´t called, and I have no way of contacting him but through e-mail. And I have e-mailed to wish him a good first week at university, and because I had burned him a cd that I know he´d really like (and left it with a friend to give it to him). We´ve been e-mailing all week, and in two of his e-mails he said I could come over anytime, that I didn´t need an invite.

 

It´s my sister´s birthday party tomorrow, and I wanted to invite him. I was just im´ing with a girlfriend now, and she told me that he is already seeing someone else. Her friend was at his house for a bbq this past weekend, and he had some girl there. He knew it would get back to me. And now I´m all hurt because I think he moved on way too fast. And, yes, I was still hoping, up to 5 minutes ago, that we could still work something out. I was giving it time and slowly re-approaching him.

 

Why would he ask me to "show up" at his place unnanounced, and run the risk of seeing him with some other girl? He´s not a jerk, he´s a really nice guy who I´m sure would never flaunt that in my face.

 

I just don´t understand it. Does he think I´m a buddy now, that I wouldn´t care if I saw him with someone else? God, I´m so sad...

 

Just needed to vent.

[jasminebose]

SandyD- this seems like a classic case of 'he's just not that into you'. You should probably just be glad the relationship didn't last long enough for you to get seriously attached and then find out that he wasn't that into you. I'm sure its nothing personal just that you 2 are not the best match and I'm sure you will find someone better suited to you in time.

JZ

[Nadine]

i no how u feel!!! i was with my bf for 11months and after a week he is going out with someone he "supposedly" met the night we broke up, iv heard he was seeing her wen we were stil 2gether!!! he still txts me saying he loves me tho grr

[annie24]

Ditto to what Jazmine said...you broke up with him, he clearly wasn't all that into you. Now, he's just trying to get a little "goodbye jab" in. That's fine. Whatever. Don't let it get you down. Like she said, luckily, you two broke up before things got too serious.

 

Give it 2 weeks. You'll forget all about what's-his-name. I hope you meet someone better suited for you! Good luck!

[Cecelius]

To be honest with you, if he's so nonchalant and laid back, chances are the other girl, his relationship with her (or whatever it is) and his general set of actions post-break-up may, just possibly, have nothing to do with you.

 

You cut him loose because he didn't give you enough attention. Why not leave it at that?

[DN]

It is not unusual to feel angry when an ex sees someone else very soon - even when you are the one who broke up with him. But it is neither fair nor logical, especially in your case where the relationship was very short. But you can't set a time limit when you break up with someone as to when they can date again, it's entirely their choice.

 

It seems to me that you may have thought that if you broke up with him he would see how much he misses you, agree to what you wanted from him and ask you to take him back - now you are angry because he didn't do that but took the break-up at face value and moved on.

 

In the future you may want to be more careful about how to get what you want from your boyfriends - this approach clearly didn't work.

[SandyD]

Thanks for all the replies... I guess I always did know he wasn´t really that into me. But for some reason I find it hard to get that into my head. He was always saying that he was laid back, and that didn´t mean he wasn´t interested, and people got him wrong all the time because of that. I decided that if this was who he was, then I couldn´t be with someone like him. But I always thought his feelings were real, that´s the hard part to swallow: that maybe they weren´t. He made me believe he was deeply in love. That really sucks, because I was. Except my feelings were real. He inspired so much trust in me (and it´s so hard for me to trust) that now I´m really confused, I´m second guessing my judgement of people.

 

DN: True, I was hoping he´d come around. That´s not why I broke it off though. I broke up because it truly wasn´t working for me, it wasn´t a plot to get him to bend to my will. I did try to talk to him, and he just wasn´t willing to change. So I let him go. But I was hoping he´d come around, yes.

 

I´m still nice towards him, he has no idea how hurt I am. He probably thinks I´ve moved on as well. I just don´t get why he keeps asking me over.

[Day_Walker]

If he is a nice guy then isnt it possible that when he said that you could come over anytime that he was being nice? You broke up with him and he has no obligation to wait to start seeing someone else. You expected him to wait longer, and you were wrong. You made the decision to break up so it was your choice. If you just wanted to work things out then you shouldnt have broken up, you broke up with him and he moved on.

[DN]

Are you quite sure that he is seeing someone else and that it is serious? Your friend may have got it wrong, or partly wrong. He may have been flirting with the girl at the party and she misinterpreted, or a date or two may not be any sort of relationship. Be sure of your facts before you leap to conclusions. Second hand knowledge can be misleading. Take him up on the offer and take the cds over - scout out what is happening. But be aware that if you do resume the relationship you may have to communicate what you want from him in a different way, I can give you some advice as to how to do that if you need it.

[volution]

Well - it just shows his level of feeling, commitment and attitude to relationships.

That they are just throwaway, and new ones found at the drop of a hat.

It's sad that so many men have this kind of mentality.

 

Don't waste anymore of your self on him! He's clearly not worth it.

I know, it's hard sometimes, you still feel for someone, still want someone, when even their unsuitability is kicking you in the face!

 

Sometimes people go out with other people immediately after ending a relationship, either to try and not have to deal with the inevitable honeypot of messed emotions, or just to try and spite their ex.

[DN]

Well - it just shows his level of feeling, commitment and attitude to relationships.

That they are just throwaway, and new ones found at the drop of a hat.

It's sad that so many men have this kind of mentality.

 

 

In the first place, she said it was a very short relationship - it's not as if they had made a lasting commitment.

 

Secondly, you only have to read the many posts on here to know that just as many women do this as men.

[sparkey]

How short was this realtionship? A month ? Three months ?

 

He said he was laid back and didn't meet your expectations. What are those expectations.? Did you tell him what you expected or needed ?

 

I find it somewhat ironic that a person dumps someone, then is upset that the person they dumped starts dating soon after.

 

BIG Lesson here. If you want something to work, then you work on it, you dont walk away with this silly idea that the person will know what you really want and magically run back with all the answers. Its called communication..............

 

Doing one thing and saying another never works.

[SandyD]

Are you quite sure that he is seeing someone else and that it is serious?

 

I´m sure it´s not serious. It´s just that my friend, who was quite jealous of our relationship in the first place, thought that I should know he was seen with a girl. When I asked for details, she said her friend (who is a male) didn´t really explain it. I´m sure he is not in a relationship, they probably just kissed or whatever.

 

You expected him to wait longer, and you were wrong. You made the decision to break up so it was your choice. If you just wanted to work things out then you shouldnt have broken up, you broke up with him and he moved on.

 

I´m just upset that he took to another girl so fast, is all. I´ve been too upset to be with anyone, but that´s just me. I did try to work things out, but if a guy is set on being flaky and never calls, well, that doesn´t leave me much to work with. All I could do is give him time and distance to see if he might change on his own, I couldn´t just nag him every single day.

 

In the first place, she said it was a very short relationship - it's not as if they had made a lasting commitment.

 

It was short in the sense that he oficially asked me to be his girlfriend a short while ago. We have known eachother since December, and he moved to my town only a month ago. I visited him in January, met his family, and we shared e-mails and phonecalls in between. All the while, we seemed to both feel intensely for eachother. He did want a relationship, and he made that very clear.

 

I find it somewhat ironic that a person dumps someone, then is upset that the person they dumped starts dating soon after.

 

Eh, I´m human. I was just venting. I still have feelings for him, that is why I am upset. Just because he wasn´t right for me doesn´t mean I can automatically shut my feelings off. What a wonderful thing it would be if I could!

[lady00]

Hey Sandy...why do want to get back together with him? What makes you think anything would change if you guys were to reunite? You had a problem the first time around that you two could not resolve and it would most likely come up again. I know you're upset but you have to realize that you did leave him and he is free to date as soon after that as he wants to. And also, it's probably for the best that he is dating someone else...chances are if he got back together with you, the relationship would just end up making you unhappy again. Remember, you deserve someone who will understand your needs and give you the attention you want...from his past behavior, this guy doesn't seem like he's the one.