Help me, I'm a revenge cheater and don't know what to do.

[Irishness]

I'd say you both should not have married. Sounds like he's not over this other woman. And then you cheated so just keep it to yourself. There is no trust in this marriage so idk if couples counseling will help. It could get better if you both wanted it to . but its your decision on what you want to do. Good luck out there hope things will work for what's best.

 

Do you think based on what I have posted he still has feelings for this other woman? It was 5 years ago and he hasn't spoken to her since.

 

I do agree with you, I've always believed we shouldn't have married but we did and now have a life together and when it's good it's really good and that's why I am finding it so difficult to just walk away.

 

For now we are going to a counsellor and if I feel after that we have no success I will leave once and for all.

[Hermes]

Just to add, Irish, do ensure you seek a well qualified counsellor.

 

 

[Usa1ah]

One thing you need to realize. He did not lead you to cheat, that is totally on you.

 

Just like his cheating while the two of you wee dating is on him.

 

You chose to sleep with your ex instead of working it out.

 

Also if he has been faithful since his transgression, why do you have no faith in him?

[Usa1ah]

Why would you not tell him? Your guilt is what is driving your problems. With what you are saying, sounds like you are projecting your guilt and mistakes on to him.

[JaggerJim]

Before going to counselling, let him know you cheated aswell. Then he can decide if he would like to go to counselling with you or not.

 

It's best if he's well informed before going. I mean, it would be quite hypocritical for both of you to be sitting on the couch, when one of you hasn't been completely honest........