Unsure About What To Do Now

[TheWandering1]

Hey everyone almost exactly 2 months ago I had an almost 2 year relationship end and I feel kind of lost. There's a lot to say and it may seem jumbled, so I want to apologize for that.

 

So about 7 months ago my ex and I were in a car accident and thats basically where things started going downhill. Ever since the accident, I have been really weird about driving and getting into vehicles (which a therapist now believes may be PTSD or ASD.) There were times when I would ask her not to speed or be careful because I felt uncomfortable but she would do something to freak me out like driving faster or swerving and stuff or she would slam on the breaks and start going like 5 mph while we had traffic behind us to annoy me. During all this she kept saying I was being a certain word that means female dog and being "pissy". Then one day she texted me saying that me freaking out when she does this stuff is too much stress for her and that she doesn't need that in her life or think the relationship is worth it. I tried to see if we could work on things but she refused to even attempt it.

 

A week or 2 later I made a post on facebook (because I'm an idiot and now regret this) that kind of alluded to what happened without directly calling her out and said that it was crappy of her after I stuck with her through her anxiety and panic attacks that she had because of an abusive roommate. After this she started using the above terms again when talking to me and said that she practically has to walk on eggshells when talking to me.. Then she said that she's afraid of having anything to do with me since I got upset over the break up, almost like she thought I was going to get violent or something. I continued to try to see if we could just work on our issues but she still refused to even consider it, saying it was impossible after how I acted. Also, I've started noticing she is telling people different reasons for our break up ever since some of our friends called her out over her reasons for ending it. She's said things about her trying to fix the relationship during the last month but that I wouldn't make any attempts despite her never voicing any concerns about the relationship

 

Well I gave her some space after that hoping that things would change and messaged her at the beginning of August to see if she still felt that way. However, by this point she was in a relationship with a guy that practically facebook stalked her during our relationship. I was crushed but then things slowly started to click and I grew paranoid that maybe she had cheated on me during our relationship. During the last month she complained that her parents were pestering her to some see them every weekend. Her parents live about 30 - 45 minutes away but also in the same town as her new boyfriend. During the time when she claimed to be seeing her parents, I would never hear from her until she finally got back to her house a few days later. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and its a crazy coincidence though.

 

Anyway I haven't contacted her since she told me she was seeing someone new but I still miss her. I've had people express interest in me and I've been on 2 dates since then, but it just felt wrong and I don't really want to continue seeing them even though we got along great and had a lot of fun. It really bothers me that she moved on so quickly while I barely left the house for the first month after the break up and still can't move on. We had so many plans that suddenly aren't happening. For example: we were going to move in together when I transfer to a university for my Bachelor's degree and then I planned on proposing (had a ring chosen and everything) once that was finished and I was settled into a job after school. But now thats not happening now and I'm really unsure of my future.

 

I've been really depressed and miss everything, like whenever she would send me morning messages before classes to wish me good luck or when we would be asleep and her hair would get in my face. I miss "our dog" too. Do you guys have any advice on what I should do next? Am I being ridiculous about all of this? Is there even anything I can do?

[thejigsup]

Get over your paranoia while in the car. It drives me batty when people do that. I was in a major car accident several years ago, needed to be cut out, but I never got paranoid about driving or riding in a car. It was just one isolated incident and you have to see it like that. Now, she didn't need to call you names, that didn't help, did it? All she had to do was say it annoyed her and would you please trust her. When someone gets paranoid when I'm driving that screams to me that they don't trust me. Forget her, she's not very nice, but do some work on your own issues and leave her to hers.

[TheWandering1]

Get over your paranoia while in the car. It drives me batty when people do that. I was in a major car accident several years ago, needed to be cut out, but I never got paranoid about driving or riding in a car. It was just one isolated incident and you have to see it like that. Now, she didn't need to call you names, that didn't help, did it? All she had to do was say it annoyed her and would you please trust her. When someone gets paranoid when I'm driving that screams to me that they don't trust me. Forget her, she's not very nice, but do some work on your own issues and leave her to hers.

 

Currently working on it and much better about it. But even though I'm better about it, going 60 in a 30 mph zone and drifting into oncoming traffic is still nerve racking. Or is that still not a good enough excuse to feel uneasy? Also this is about the failed relationship, not the car thing, which was more than a regular accident. That was just put in to add some back story.

 

But you're right, she's not a nice person, yet I still care about her a lot when I clearly shouldn't.

[westwardho18]

Move on man when you find yourself thinking of her distract yourself you can choose to mope around for the rest of your life or you can push put the bad feelings in your head out and become a better wiser person from this or you can self pity yourself into a life of depression for nothing, it's called building strength of character but it's not for everyone