More Paranoia--bear with me PLEASE

[Strandysmommy]

I had a very ugly break up that came out of nowhere in september. We'd been together for a year, and he gave me no indication whatsoever that it was coming. In fact, he reassured me several times over that when he moved away things would be fine. Y'know even in hindsight, I saw nothing saying that it was coming. It's like you look both ways before crossing a train track, you look really well, and finally accept that there is no train coming, and then POW!!! A train runs you down.

 

Well now I am dating this really wonderful guy that I talked a bit about before, and now I feel the neruoses kicking in. I read into each and everything he says and does and take it to be negitve. I don't say anything, but I just keep it in. Like last night he called me but was distracted because he was watching TV and playing a video game and eating and talking to me. OK, I see where he could be distracted there, but all day long it's like "he's giving you the brush off..." Even though it was just last week he said "I know we're not commited to each other yet, but I see it going there very soon" and friday night he kissed me and said "I don't think I'll ever get sick of that". We spent practically the whole weekend together. I had fun, and he assured me he did too. But I keep replaying the things my ex said to me: "you just got boring" "We never talked about or did anything worthwhile". He never gave me any indication he wasn't happy. And now it's like he's hijacked this relationship vicariously. He's like a stain I can't get off of me. I realize that if I keep this up, I am going to drive this new guy away, and I don't want that at all. No way, no how. What can I do about this? I mean what do guys do if they're going to give you the brush off, so I know? I mean surely they don't spend the weekend with you and kiss you and tell you they'll never get sick of it, right?

[MyBoyfriendThinksImCute]

Thats been the biggest question in my mind lately. I know exactly how you feel....i have never really previously been in a long term relationship...but i always find myself looking at things negatively lately ( i used to be so positive) like my guy might be playing his dumb computer game and ill be like 'hey are u listening'....maybe its just a petpeeve or something but i like it when i get as much attention as i give....and i always seem to be afraid that things wont work out lately....IT FEELS LIKE BEING STUCK IN A RUT...i guarantee this new guy you just met will mean what he says....when you first meet someone theres no way you're bored....but i dont think ill ever understand WHY people do get bored.....

[sonjam]

Strandysmommy, start with yourself. Look yourself in the mirror, and decide you are not boring at all, it was not your fault he (the ex) left, it's his loss, and you are a great person to spend time with. You have to get rid of the paranoia about you not being worthy of anyone. That is the only way this will stop.

 

Stop looking for signs and clues, take a stand and take this new relationship by the horns!!

 

You have to get your self worth back, then you will stop worrying about the little things, and the new guy will truly feel fortunate to have found you, and he will be thankfull to spend time with you. You won't feel like sombody is going to dump you any minute.

 

I can totally understand how you feel, getting it out of the blue, but that does not mean it's ever going to happen again. Don't draw bad things to you with thoughts. Rather draw good things to you with positive attitude.

 

Good luck and Im so glad things are going great with this new guy!!